Answering Your Teen Girl’s Questions (Addressing Issues)
This is yet another post that will be focusing on the issues and problems of teen age girls. Let’s get started
He’s invited me back to his house. Should I go?
I’ve been meeting up with this boy every day after school. We’ve kissed but that’s all. He is good looking and I really like him, but yesterday he asked me if I wanted to go back to his house. I said I’d think about it but I don’t know what to say. I’m worried he expects me to have sex with him, but I don’t feel ready to do this with him (or anyone else) just yet. I don’t want to lead him on by going back to his house if this is what he is expecting. But maybe he’s just inviting me back to meet his mum? What do you think?
As you say, his invitation could be an entirely innocent one. His intentions might be to get to know you a bit better by introducing you to his parents, inviting you to dinner or showing you his house. However, as a rule of thumb I think I’d be wary of this sort of invitation. There’s always the chance this is a veiled request to take things further. You are below the age of consent for sex in the UK and you have made it clear in your letter that you are not ready to take things any further. Next time he mentions it, try to find out from him what kind of invitation it is and casually ask if you can meet his parents. If he says you’d be alone in the house, then politely refuse his request. You don’t have to explain yourself to him. It’s your body and your life and you have the right to say ‘no’ at any time.
Boys at school make rude comments about my body!
Since starting my new school I’ve been getting lots of personal comments from boys. Sometimes they are quite insulting, and it makes me feel like curling up with embarrassment! The other day a boy made a rude remark about my chest and I told him to get lost. But then instead of leaving me alone he got really aggressive and started calling me names and saying I was ‘easy’. I went home from school that day in tears and told my mum I had a headache the next day just so that I wouldn’t have to face him again. What should I do in this kind of situation?
Making uninvited and obscene remarks about someone can be classed as sexual harassment or sexual bullying. Unfortunately it is quite common in schools but if you report this behaviour, it will be taken extremely seriously. You did the right thing by making it immediately clear that you found the remarks unacceptable. However, when the boy refused to leave you alone and instead became aggressive, that was the point to speak to a parent, teacher or school counsellor. I know there is a negative perception of people who ‘tell tales’ in school, but when it comes to something as serious as sexual harrassment you need to speak up and get someone in authority to tackle it. If this boy thinks he can get away with talking to girls in such a way, he won’t just stop with you.
People call me names because I have lots of boyfriends!
I go out to the shopping mall most weekends with my friends and we often meet new boys. It’s not serious – we just have a laugh. The problem is that some people at school have started gossiping about me and saying that I’m a ‘slut’. I think it’s really unfair. When a boy meets up with different girls, no one thinks anything of it – so why is it different for me?
All teens (both boys and girls) go through a phase of going out with different people and it doesn’t make you a ‘slut’. It’s basically how relationships work when you are young. What’s at play here is a nasty double standard about what is right for girls and what’s right for boys. You need to decide what is best for you and what makes you happy. If you can ignore other people’s reactions then fine, but if they are upsetting you, you should do something about it and make a stand, perhaps by challenging the people who are calling you names and asking why they think like this. I suspect jealousy is at play here, so the other option is to try to keep your private business to yourself. You and your friends know the truth and that’s what really matters.
An Expert Says
As an agony uncle it’s my job to offer advice and solutions to a whole range of problems. When you do this for a living, it’s easy to forget that life is full of good bits too. I have included each of the problems in this article as a guide so that in a worst-case scenario you have the knowledge and tools you need to manage these problems effectively – and then get on with your life! Yes, the teen years may be the most confusing time of your life, but they can also be the most thrilling and memorable years when the world is new and exciting, you are meeting new people and having lots of new experiences. I wholeheartedly hope you enjoy every moment of your teen years and I hope this article helps to solve some of the problems you might meet on the way!
Some Terms You Should Know
ABORTION is a medical procedure that is used to end (or terminate) a pregnancy.
ADDICTION is a strong and harmful need to have or take something, usually a drug of some sort.
ANOREXIA is a mental condition that distorts your body image so you still see yourself as fat even if you are normal or underweight.
ANXIETY is a feeling of worry or nervousness that can range from mild to severe. At its worst anxiety can cause panic attacks.
APPRENTICE is a person who learns or trains for a job or skill by working for a fixed period of time.
BENZOYL PEROXIDE is a chemical substance that is present in some over-the-counter and prescription spot treatments that is often highly effective in clearing the skin of spots or acne.
BEREAVEMENT is a time of sadness when a close friend or relative dies.
BI-POLAR DISORDER is a mental condition in which sufferers tend to experience intense mood swings between elation and misery.
BISEXUAL(ITY) usually means feeling attracted to people of either sex.
BODY-MASS-INDEX (BMI) is a measure of how much fat your body is carrying for a person of your height.
BULIMIA is a mental condition where there is an obsession with losing weight. Bouts of overeating are followed by fasting or making yourself sick to purge the body of calories.
COGNITIVE BEHAVIOURAL THERAPY (CBT) is a talking treatment for psychological problems such as anxiety and mild depression.
CYBERBULLYING means bullying someone by text, on social media sites, via Twitter or any other app.
DEPRESSION is a state of low mood that can affect a person’s thoughts and behaviour. Depressed people may feel sad, anxious, negative and empty and may be unable to focus.
FOETUS is an unborn human being growing in the womb in the later stages of development. A foetus develops from an embryo.
GAY usually means loving someone of your own sex.
HIV/AIDS are two different things. HIV is a virus that causes your body to attack itself and can prove fatal. AIDS is the range of illnesses you may develop if you get HIV. Two ways of catching HIV are sexual contact and sharing dirty needles to inject drugs.
INFATUATION is a strong passion or interest in someone that is not reciprocated.
MORNING-AFTER PILL is an emergency form of contraception, which needs to be taken within 72 hours of having unprotected sex.
PEER PRESSURE is the expectation that you will copy or be influenced by the behaviour of your friends.
SEBUM is an oily substance secreted by glands in the skin to keep out water and germs.
SEXUALLY-TRANSMITTED INFECTIONS (STIs) – are infections you can catch from contact during sexual activity.
VOCATIONAL COURSES prepare you to do a specific job in life, such as becoming a surgeon or priest rather than giving you a general education.