What To Say When You Approach A Woman
You might relate to the following situation:
I see girls that I fancy all the time, literally everywhere I go, and it’s driving me nuts. I see them on the tube; I see them in the coffee shop when I get my lunch; I see them in bars and clubs every night. The thing is, when I see a hot girl I have no idea what to say. I’m not getting any younger and I want to meet these girls. Help!
Now let’s help you out!
Believe it or not, you’re about three-quarters of the way there! You’re noticing these girls; you’re attracted to them; you have a desire to meet them. All you have to do now is communicate those feelings to them.
The first thing to bear in mind is that being attracted to women is nothing to be ashamed of and nothing to hide. So you can afford to be very simple and very direct when you approach. This is the methodology I recommend:
Micro-context | Compliment | Macro-context
‘Micro-context’ explains what you were doing when you noticed her.
‘Compliment’ reveals what attracted you to her.
‘Macro-context’ sets out why you’ve decided to approach girls you’re attracted to.
This system is best illustrated with an example. Suppose you’re on your way home from the gym, when you notice a cute girl sitting outside a coffee shop on the other side of the road. You jog across the road and say:
“Hi. I was just on my way back from the gym and I noticed you from across the road (Micro-context) and I thought you looked absolutely gorgeous – you look like a Italian film star with those huge aviator sunglasses (Compliment). It struck me the other day that there are all these amazing people in the world we never get a chance to meet- and so I decided that if I saw someone who caught my eye I’d go and introduce myself (Macro-context).”
The great benefit of this method is that it anticipates all the questions that a girl will ask herself when you approach:
Who is this guy coming over here? (Micro-context)
Why does he want to talk to me? (Compliment)
What’s his motivation? (Macro-context)
By doing so you’ll forestall a lot of objections that a girl might have when you approach her.
I’ve found this template to be hugely charming. It conveys tremendous confidence and far more honesty than pretending you’re lost or want to know her opinion on something.
Now Let’s Look At ‘How To Approach Women’ From Another Expert Perspective
Conversation-starters, commonly called “openers”, are among the best-researched and most important principles of attraction. There are broadly two methods currently taught: the “direct” school recommends you approach the girl by simply telling her how attractive she is; the “indirect” school holds that you should initially disguise your interest in her.
This simplistic set of choices does not get to the core of the best strategy. It is too dogmatic and does not allow students to be flexible depending on their mood and environment.
My preferred taxonomy identifies two genres: “starters” and “authentic openers”. These are often best used chronologically as the evening progresses.
It’s best to start off the evening by asking casual and friendly questions. These “starters” are low-risk and lowreward; it is not that easy to make a girl really attracted to you in this way, but they are a great way to get some good conversations going, especially when you are not feeling at your most confident and sociable.
A starter comes up with an excuse to start the conversation. Here’s an example:
Good evening, may I get your opinion on something? My friend has only been dating this girl for a few weeks and wants to propose- do you think this is too soon?
As you feel more confident you can become more risqué. After a few interactions, try asking opinions that are sexual and provocative. For example:
What the best chat up line to get a girl into bed?
Because these risky starters are general and abstract they take the focus off the two of you and, therefore, protect you slightly. But they mean the conversation can more easily go down a sexual and flirtatious path. They also demonstrate confidence (both social and sexual) which is automatically attractive.
All of this preamble should get you in the mood for what I call “authentic openers”. While starters disguise your reasons for approaching the girl, authentic openers utilise them. You simply tell the girl the real reason why you want to talk to her, without any subterfuge.
You can focus on the girl, if that’s what’s on your mind:
I think you girls are beautiful; come join us.
You’re so cute, I couldn’t stop looking at you, so I thought I’d better come over and say hi.
But, unlike standard “direct openers”, my authentic openers are not limited to telling the girl that you like her. Just tell the truth, whatever that may be:
My mate’s chatting up a girl over there so I’m going to have to come and talk to you for a while so I don’t get in his way.
I decided to approach five random strangers this evening and make friends.
An authentic opener can even be a question:
I thought you looked lovely but I couldn’t think of a good excuse to come and talk to you. What should we talk about?
Authentic openers don’t by any means have to be crude. For a beautifully romantic authentic opener, watch the scene in Vicky Cristina Barcelona where Juan-Antonio first approaches the two American girls.
Ideally, you’d do nothing but authentic openers but, without confidence, they won’t work. So use starters for as long as it takes to get you in the groove.
I hope you found it helpful and next time you see a beautiful woman you will be in a much better position to approach her and now you also know how to talk to women.