Alright, now we are going to talk about grounding yourself. The easiest way to talk about yourself is through what is called grounding. One of the things that everyone comes to realize – as they’re practicing and approaching women – is that you need to talk about yourself

There are basically only three things you can talk about. You can talk about yourself, you can talk about the girl, and you can talk about the environment. Everything else is going to be somewhat related to you, to her or to where you are. So grounding is the way of talking about yourself that takes stories from your real life, and gives the girls information about you that they need to know.

This is where we are going to show how our experiences and our life shaped our behavior, and how that’s going to affect our interaction with the girls. So for
example, I might say, “Since I grew up with sisters, I’ve always been on the other side of the fence when it comes to understanding women, so that’s one of the reasons why I have so many female friends, and I’m not afraid of meeting girls.” On a cold approach, I’ll always say this because it gives a context to my approach.

If I’m approaching a girl in a grocery store and I’m being very confident or
very comfortable around her, I want to explain that there is a reason for that, that I’m not just doing this to get laid; that there is a reason that I’m comfortable around women. Another thing I might say is, “You know, I wanted to be a writer
when I grew up, and because of that, I have really strong opinions, and I always express them, so I’ll probably say something that will offend you in the next, like, 20 minutes, but it will be funny.” Again, I want to explain my personality. We want to explain our personalities without making it seem like we are qualifying ourselves.

Without making it seem like we are trying to impress the girl. Without making it seem like we are giving them all this information that they haven’t asked for, and that’s why grounding is really important. Because it touches on key points from your past, it fills in the information.

You have to remember that on a cold approach, girls don’t know anything about you. If you really wanted to, you could lie and create a whole fake persona, and tell women all this stuff about you that isn’t true, and convince them to sleep with you. I did it for a couple years when I was working for
Mystery Method, but you don’t have to. But what you do have to do is, you do have to create a context for who you are. You do have to explain to them why you are the way you are.

So if you are a shy guy, that’s not something that you have to go against. You don’t have to become some party frat boy, but you do need to ground why you’re shy.

You might say, “You know, when I was growing up I was always really focused on studying and getting into a good school, and then getting into a real career, so it always takes me a little bit longer to open up and be really social with people, but once I do, my friends will tell you I’m crazy.”, or “my friends will
tell you that I’m….” this, that or the other, but again, you want to explain your
personality. You will want to ground yourself so that she understands who you are.

Grounding comes from the idea of Mystery that you ground your identity. That you tell her how you became who you are and what you do, and usually that’s involved in some form of intricate lying about being a deejay or a model, a company owner, a magician, or whatever. But this is real. This is where we are taking it and applying it to our personality.

If you’re outgoing, if you’re positive, if you’re nice, if you’re shy, if you’re bold— whatever your personality is like, (and hopefully you have an idea of what you’re like as a person, if not ask your friends), you will want to ground it and talk about yourself, and talk about who you are and what they can expect.

One of the things about grounding is that it preps people for how to deal with you. Another thing I’ll say sometimes, and this is not in the first five minutes, but I’ll say something like, “I’m totally the type of guy who will hit on you in a grocery store.” So don’t flirt, because again, I’m grounding myself. “I’m the type of guy who…” — that’s what grounding is about. It’s about explaining the type of person you are in a way that’s interesting and that fills in the background. “I grew up with sisters.” “I wanted to be a writer when I grew up.” “When I was younger I went to this kind of school.”

Ground yourself so that they know what they’re dealing with, that’s the part of grounding that’s really, really important. And grounding yourself is valuable in attraction as well as comfort, because this is really the best way to talk about yourself, is to give historical context from your life that explains who you are.