First Date Ideas You Can Use Tonight
Without working with you in person, it’s hard to say exactly where you’re going wrong. Having said that, if I could only give you one piece of advice for your next date, it would be to sort out the first five minutes.
Someone always tells me that if a teacher can get the first five minutes of the class right the remaining fifty-five are easy. If you can go in, make an impact, get your class quiet and focused on you then you’re almost home. It’s the same with a date. If you can nail the first five minutes, you’ll be amazed at how well the rest of the evening will go.
It’s helpful to think how the first five minutes of a typical bad/boring date go from a girl’s perspective:
- The guy greets her nervously at the station
- He asks her what she’s been up to
- They walk to the bar without touching
- He asks her a succession of boring questions
- At the bar he says “what would you like?”
- They sit down and continue to small talk
Now this date is on its last legs and they’ve only just got their first drink. Rather than try to salvage it at this point, let’s rewind and get the first steps right.
We’ve got to do the opposite of this guy and break the pattern/expectation of a boring date. The key is to do two things that seem contradictory:
- Make her feel comfortable
- Surprise her
Here’s how you do it:
Offer Your Arm
Touch her right away. Smile confidently and give her a big hug when you meet her. Then, as you start walking towards wherever you’re going, offer her your elbow so you can walk arm-in arm. By the time you get to the bar, you’ll both be comfortable with touching each other and you’ll have surprised her with a touch of old-fashioned gallantry.
Hit The Ground Running
Don’t ask her how her day has been. Don’t get dragged into talking about the weather or her work or get into any kind of “hairdresser conversation”. Immediately after you’ve said hello launch into an interesting story or whimsical anecdote to cover the first few minutes. It’ll give her a chance to relax and will mean that she won’t feel the conversational pressure of having to think up answers when she’s feeling nervous. You can literally see the girl smile in pleasant surprise if you do this right.
Break the “typical date” pattern as soon as you get to the bar. Most guys either buy the girl a drink or offer to split. Why not pay for the drinks but get her to go to the bar (with your money)? Something I often suggest to my clients is that they hand the girl a tenner, tell her what they want and then find an excuse to walk off (use the bathroom, hang up your coats, bag a good table). This also gives you both a little space from each other before you sit down and start talking again.
My main complaint with the way attraction is currently taught is that it presumes every interaction goes perfectly. Because most companies are in thrall to their marketing departments, they show their methods working flawlessly and never admit that real interactions are often messy, stuttering affairs that require flair and dexterity to get them to work.
Here’s a typical sequence that you are taught to follow:
- Approach the girl
- Get her attracted to you
- Let her know that you like her
- Get to know each other
- Find a place where the two of you are alone
But what do you do if you aren’t building attraction with the girl? What if she doesn’t laugh at your joke? What to do if the conversation feels awkward or if she looks bored? What if, as you say, you aren’t creating this chemistry?
The crazy thing is that if things are going well, you don’t need any help! If things are going well you can just hang out with the girl and things will take care of themselves.
The value of attraction coaching is to help you when things don’t go well.
Instead Here Is How It Should Be
Don’t approach attraction in a linear fashion. Certain techniques will not work for every girl. Certain techniques will not fit every mood or every situation. Certain techniques will not be congruent with every guy. And sometimes the sequence that worked for one interaction will fizzle out in another.
Ok- enough theory. The key to a successful date or interaction is to possess a set of tools; I call these “tools of engagement”. Switch to a different tool any time you feel that the girl is not totally engaged in the conversation until you find something that hooks.
Here are some of my favourite tools:
Show the girl your vulnerable side. I used to tell a story of how, while in Africa, I travelled into the deepest jungle to meet child soldiers. Upon meeting them, I asked detailed questions about their actions and how it made them feel, knowing it could be disastrous for them psychologically- I just couldn’t resist as it was so intriguing. I talked about how this was a moment of deep regret. The story is true and so are the sentiments.
Tell a story
Think of the three most interesting things that have ever happened to you and practice these stories so that they are polished and engaging. They can then be wheeled out at appropriate times.
Build a connection
Find out about her passions, fears and ambitions and try to get inside her head. Who is she and where is she going? Most people pay this lip service, but really listen to her and she will open up.
Do a card trick, teach her a memory game or have a competition.
I love knowing whether someone would rather work a job they love for little money or do a job they hate for a fortune- so I ask.
As a rule, whatever you were going to do, do the opposite. Going to kiss her at her front door at the end of the date? Kiss her as soon as you meet her at the station. Planning to take her out for a drink? Take her for breakfast. The date’s going well? Tell her you have to go home.
In short, be prepared and be flexible and enjoy your first date with these ideas.