How And When To Compliment A Girl
Another social skill which is very important, is the technique of complimenting a woman. A compliment can be very effective in either of the three stages, but particularly in the “hook” and “connect” phase.
A great conversational combination is to say something flirtatious, and then follow it up with a revalidating compliment. This is so important because flirting is fun, but if taken too far, displays insecurity. The whole purpose of flirting is to open her up to having a real conversation with you – it is a means, not an end. So, if all you do is flirt, an intelligent woman will not take you seriously. She will be expecting you to know when to transition into a more real conversation. A great way to do this is to compliment her.
First of all, when complimenting a woman, stay away from her physical appearance, and focus on who she is and what she is demonstrating to you about her personality.
• I am so glad you have a sense of humor. I can’t tell you how boring it is to socialize with people who simply aren’t able to kick back, and poke fun at the ironies of life.
• (If she says something particularly witty) Ok, Ok…now, that was funny….so tell me, was it your mother or father who had such a cool wit, I am interested…or, maybe, like me, you were just made fun of a lot when you were a kid, and had to learn the hard way. (the “like me” part is key – opens you up, shows some vulnerability – see that?”)
• I like your style, it’s clear you have great taste in fashion. So often people wear stylish clothes, but it still comes across as generic. Your look is cool because it is stylish, and it works for your personality. I admire people who have that balance of style and self-awareness.
• You have a cool kind of confidence about you. Sometimes that could mean you have great parents, and a strong family support system. Or, it could mean that you had to fend for yourself a lot when you were younger. Which was it?
These are different than simply saying something about how nice her skin is, or what beautiful eyes she has. This proves that you are listening and paying attention to who she really is (personality), rather than what she looks like (genetics). This helps differentiate you from the other guys who might be vying for her attention. Also, these kinds of compliments lead into deeper, more “connect”ing topics, where you can get more comfortable with each other. This increases the likelihood that you will see her again.
In summary, try to incorporate these skills into your interactions. If you do, you will find that you are able to not only begin interactions more effectively, but that you are able to hold them and increase the interest and fascination levels as you continue talking and relating. This is critical to your dating success, but it also helps develop ones self-esteem, social circle, business networks, while being very helpful towards maintaining healthy, long-term relationships.
Learning how to communicate with a woman is not something to do effectively for just an hour. If you are married for example, and you still talk to her in a way that excites her and brings her into your world, your relationships will be healthier and more positive for you, and for her.
Last but not least…PRACTICE and PATIENCE are the keywords when developing social skills. Learning these techniques takes time, and it is not easy. Give yourself time to really learn these, and try not to have expectations of yourself which are unreasonable. This will sabotage your growth and development, and potentially frustrate you out of continuing to practice and learn. A great way to approach learning these is to have a friend who is also along for the ride with you. Then, you can go out together (which is always more fun than going out to practice alone), and give each other pointers and feedback based on what you see each other doing. And last but not least…
HAVE FUN with this. If you aren’t having a good time, you have set the bar for yourself too high. Roll with the punches out there, laugh off your mistakes, and keep the focus on enjoying yourself. This is the key to lasting social development. Never forget to laugh.