How To Breakup With Your Boyfriend Or Girlfriend
If You are ready to embark on a breakup with someone you care about but no longer have those romantic feelings for. It is recommended that you use gentle breakup lines. To qualify as gentle, statements should show regret, reflect how bad you feel, say something positive, and avoid finger pointing.
Study these examples:
I feel uncomfortable having to say this, but the respect and concern I have for you dictates that I must be honest.
Please understand that I am sincere when I say I don’t want to hurt you. There is so much that is right about us as a couple, but I don’t think we have what it takes to be together for a lifetime. I don’t want either of us to make a mistake we will be sorry about later.
I wish we could keep dating; however, I think it would prevent each of us from moving in the right direction. We have such a great time together, but romantically it just doesn’t feel right. I have given our relationship a lot of thought because you are such a special person.
You have been so generous and supportive. I am really lucky to have spent so much time with you. Even though it is hard for me to give all of this up, I think I need to date others. I hope I am not making a mistake. A man/woman like you doesn’t come around often. It’s just that I don’t think we have that chemistry we both need.
We were so turned on to each other that I think we got into this relationship too quickly. The problem is, outside of sex I don’t think we are on the same track. I wish that weren’t the case, but I have thought about it enough to know that this is true. I hope you see it the same way. I wouldn’t want to end this on a sour note.
I know this sounds like one of those trite breakup lines, but it is true. I don’t know any other way to say it. I just came out of a long relationship when I met you. I was really attracted to you for a number of reasons. Yet I admit that I am the kind of person who needs a boyfriend/girlfriend. So I started feeling and saying things too quickly without giving myself time to think about what I was doing. I really have to apologize for putting you in a difficult spot. I am flattered that you returned my affection, and I feel like a real jerk, especially that I might be hurting you in some way.
It’s no one’s fault that our relationship isn’t going any further. I am glad that we gave it a shot and got to know each other. You introduced me to many new things, and I feel I learned a lot from you. I really hope you found the time you spent with me worthwhile, too. You probably see things wrong about us as a couple, too. If not now, I hope you will later.
Get the jest of what constitutes a gentle breakup line? Good. Now incorporate these wise tactics into your own breakup message. You should find some measure of comfort in rendering an unpleasant, awkward measure in a gentle manner and in knowing that you have softened the blow of an unwelcome message.
Prudent Breakup Rules
Obey these breakup rules to get away unscathed:
1. Maintain control and stay focused.
2. Act mature.
3. Be gentle, considerate, and kind.
4. Go for honesty.
5. Do not be drawn into an argument.
6. Stay calm, cool, and collected.
7. Speak clearly. Avoid double talk.
8. Stay out of the hazardous defensive zone.
9. Avoid playing games.
10. Treat your partner the way you wish to be treated.
11. Don’t leave things unsaid.
12. End things in a civil and adult manner.
Choose Your Breakup Weapon.
The Heart to Heart
Learning the truth can be liberating though painful. But in the end it preserves your integrity and demonstrates respect. The Heart to Heart is an honest, verbal, no-bull breakup. It is conducted in a private, quiet atmosphere where no one will be embarrassed by a show of emotion. It should be done solemnly, tenderly, sensitively, and clearly.
Relationship Factor. This demonstration of caring is a must for the partner with whom you have had a meaningful relationship. If you really care about someone, nothing less will do. It may seem difficult at the moment, but your love interest will feel less manipulated and put upon when he or she looks back in an objective frame of mind.
Goals Served. Post-friendship, proof of your integrity and honesty, display of respect for your love interest, control over your destiny.
The Long-Distance Directive
Distance dictates a dissolution of the relationship without being face to face. Normally one thinks of the Dear John letter when breaking up long-distance, but there are better choices. And that doesn’t mean e-mail. We’re talking about the phone here. If you’ve been in a relationship with someone, they deserve the courtesy of a personal, honest, spoken breakup. Also, just because he or she can’t see your facial expressions or the new girlfriend or boyfriend by your side doesn’t mean you have a license to lie. Granted, it is easier to be more evasive via long-distance. However, the Long- Distance Directive can be carried out over the phone, but it won’t create the intimacy of a face-to-face breakup.
Relationship Factor. The traditional Long-Distance Directive is okay for a relationship of a limited duration and intensity. However, a more serious, intimate love relationship deserves a better show of consideration if at all possible. If your conscience is in peak form, let it dictate whether you should spend the time and money and expend your courage on a face-to-face breakup.
Goals Served. Taking the easy way out, possibly post-friendship, hopefully proof of honesty and integrity, control over your destiny.
The Last Hurrah
You have a ski trip planned together; the tickets have been purchased, the hotel is paid for, and snow conditions are perfect. Or tickets for the concert you are dying to attend are in his or her pocket. You opt to go knowing full well this is the last hurrah. That’s fine and dandy as long as you both are on the same page.
Relationship Factor. The Last Hurrah would be too painful for a serious love relationship or an engaged couple about to call off the wedding. However, for something more sexy and casual, the Last Hurrah is a fun way to part. It can even be upbeat if man and woman are in agreement that each should go their separate ways.
Goals Served. Post-friendship possibility, no injurious losses.
The Public Maneuver
It doesn’t have to be shouted across a room or a busy street. However, the Public Maneuver is anything but private. Notification of a breakup could be given in front of friends, family, or coworkers. This breakup style often involves the notification that reparations or repayment of loans are due. It could also serve as public notice that one party is expected to vacate a shared residence.
Relationship Factor. A love affair that has turned sour with nasty consequences is served by this breakup method. Obviously there is hardly a degree of trust, respect, or concern left in the relationship.
Goals Served. Prevention of injurious losses and/or abuse. Provides protection and a definite and absolute end. Exposes others to potential danger of ex-partner’s less-desirable characteristics.
The Business Prototype
The Business Prototype is a very proper, unemotional, businesslike discussion that is handled maturely and explicitly face to face. Although parties may have been intimate sexually and emotionally, the demise of the relationship calls for careful, logical planning. Terms of the breakup and potential problems are arbitrated practically and fairly. The object is to ward off future damage to either party and keep emotions in check.
Relationship Factor. Intensity and duration of the relationship is not the key here. The business and professional space that the couple shares is.
Goals Served. Prevention of personal or professional harm and harmony in the workplace. Other goals served include potential for post-friendship, maintenance of pride and integrity, and control over one’s destiny.
The Surprise Attack
This is the least expected breakup. It comes out of the blue, generally after discovery of a case of infidelity and gross deception. It is swift, certain, short, and to the point. If it is accompanied with a poisoned arrow, there is no opportunity for the partner getting dumped to rebut. Grievances are laid out and the door locked tight.
Relationship Factor. In order for one person to feel angry, hurt, or put upon enough to mount a surprise attack, the relationship had to be more than a casual partnership. Generally the Surprise Attack severs a relationship that held some promise for the future, was already at a level of commitment, and had reached a level of trust.
Goals Served. Definitive and absolute end, a preemptive strike, a great deal of pride, and control over one’s destiny.
Breakup Styles That Don’t Serve Any Positive Goals
There are enough positive breakup styles and maneuvers that one should not have to resort to negative tactics. They accomplish little, cloud the issue, confuse your partner, and delay the inevitable. Stay away from:
Hemming and hawing.
The set-up, turn-about two-step.
Any of these tactics will divert an effort to break up with integrity, honesty, and respect. They seem like the simple and quick way out; however, in the long run they are apt to cause you more guilt and anxiety.