A man who lives his life passionately pursuing his goals, and living life to the fullest, will have little trouble being successful with women. The results of his efforts will be secondary to the joy of the process of living.

Men who live with passion, and are determined to make a difference in their chosen career path, are the ones who find happiness in life and in relationships. They also inspire the people around them to higher achievement and fulfillment. Imagine a great teacher from your past. I recall my tenth grade English teacher who loved teaching, and enjoyed every day with us. He made the learning process fun, and was a dynamic lecturer. He was engaging to us because he loved what he was doing, and he filled our classroom with this passion.

Many of you might be thinking, “hey listen man, I hear you, but, my job is all I’ve got and I can’t leave it to go into teaching, or saving refugees or nothing, OK?” Well, let me clarify something  many of us find our career/job unsatisfying. This may be the result of past challenges, bad luck, or just an unfortunate decision along your career path. Not everyone is Richard Branson, madly loving his work and career.

career photo

So, no, I do not suggest that you walk immediately into your boss’ office and resign, then rush off to the nearest Greenpeace office. What I am suggesting is that you take a realistic look at your life, and ask yourself this simple question:

Are you happy?

If you had to hesitate, are confused, don’t know, or answered “no”, let’s examine that. A guy who is unhappy and unfulfilled will probably struggle with women. What I discovered after talking to a lot of men over the years is that many falsely hope that women will bring them happiness. Then they will focus on the other “stuff”. This illustrates the classic problem of placing the cart before the horse.

By now you should understand why this doesn’t work. An unattractive life, filled with negative emotions, is female-repellant! If you are unhappy, NO woman will fix this for you. In fact, this attitude is a fast way to a damaging and unhealthy relationship. No one is responsible for your happiness except YOU. To combat it you must get actively involved in taking responsibility for your own happiness and fulfillment.

When I moved out of Project Hollywood a few years ago, I was miserable. I realized some months later that I had allowed myself to foolishly buy into the idea that a woman could make me happy, which is why I had been chasing them so diligently. Only after taking some time off from “the game” did I realize that I needed to take responsibility for my own happiness and life, and that getting girlfriend would happen as a result of that. I dropped all games, and devoted my energy to the art of living happily. You know what? I was right. Only after I really committed to taking responsibility for my life, my actions and my feelings, did I meet the right woman for me (and I definitely did, I assure you).

Some of you may not suffer this dynamic at its extreme. But, I bet there are areas in your life which do feel unfulfilled or unsatisfied. What I am about to discuss is how to live with more passion, balance and harmony. This is the essential element to building an attractive and meaningful lifestyle. It is a discussion any guy can benefit from.

I want to cover this in three separate sections:

• Lifestyle
• Balance
• Service

Lifestyle

Lifestyle is our first topic. Let’s assume that you are like most people, feeling somewhat trapped in your job and you wake up grumpy in the mornings trying to find the energy to head out to “the office”. This job serves you in some way, otherwise you wouldn’t have it. It could just be a paycheck to you. In fact the majority of people see their jobs as a necessary evil, and not as a place to express their intelligence and creativity.

There are two things though that you have massive control over right now that I am going to discuss. The first is your attitude. If you hate your job, you are forgetting that you are lucky to have one, and that you could spend that “hateful” energy in a positive way by looking for another job, or changing your career path! Make sense?

I am not sure why, but most of us out there lose sight of what we have in favor of being resentful at what we do not have. Amazing, but true. If you really hate your job, find another one. If you hate your career, take action and become self employed or go back to school. Yes, these things take time, but it is remarkable to witness the power of change in one’s attitude when they simply make a decision to begin this process. If this describes you, take stock of this and formulate a plan of action that works for you. Don’t, for example, make the mistake of quitting your job before you have another one! Don’t add the negative emotion of financial insecurity (anxiety) to your plate. Be intelligent and put yourself into action. Find gratitude for the current job that feeds, clothes and shelters you.

If you like and are fulfilled with your work, you are in the minority, and I congratulate you. The key is to have a positive attitude on a daily basis: to see the glass half full, rather than half-empty. If you don’t like your current reality, take action to change it. Empower yourself by stepping out of the victim role, and taking action as soon as you finish this article!

Right now, I want you to finish this phrase:

I would be happy if and only if ____________________________________.

What you wrote in the blank is currently in charge of your attitude. Can you simply decide to be happy in spite of this circumstance? If you can, you can re-assume real power in your life. No thing, person, or place truly owns the rights to your happiness. They can only have it if you have chosen to give that to them. Take it back.

The other area that you have control over is how you spend the rest of your time. What do you do when you aren’t banging away at the office computer all day? Are you a couch potato? Are you out of shape? Do you have an active social circle? Are you involved in any hobbies?

Most of us spend our free time haphazardly, and we call it “spontaneity” or “relaxing”. I do not suggest that you manage your time down to the second. But, I am suggesting that you use this time to encourage more happiness and joy in your daily lives. If you are a great cook, throw a dinner party to revitalize your social circle. If you love to swim, join a swim club at the local gym. Perhaps you love sports – get involved in a local league that is gender-mixed. The outlets for your interests are countless. It might require a little imagination, but you must get involved in the world if you want to bring more positive emotions into your life. To bring it back to our primary aim, this is more attractive to women. Also, by being out in the world, you meet more women with similar interests. The fringe benefits to being active and involved in the world are a sense of meaning and connection. Every man deserves this and is responsible for taking the necessary actions to create this reality.

One exercise that I give my clients is to write out exactly how much time they spend doing what. I call this the time inventory. I encourage you to do the same. I advise you to do this for a solid week, and be brutally honest with yourself too. Writing down how you spend your time will reveal to you what activities you do throughout the day which provide positive emotions, and which provide negative emotions. Try removing, one-by-one, those activities which produce negative emotions, and replace them with ones that produce positive emotions. The more you do this, the more power you assume over your lifestyle, self-esteem and emotional life. This exercise has helped a lot of men, and it can definitely help you too.

To summarize about lifestyle, the facts really speak for themselves. When you are next outside, notice the couples walking hand in hand down the street. How do you think they met? Close to 95% met via their social circle. Enhancing your lifestyle is the best way to grow your social circle. By engaging in activities which interest you, and by deleting those activities which only drag you down, you will naturally meet more people with whom you share commonalities. These women will be much more appropriate for relationships. Growing your social circle, and developing a meaningful lifestyle is far more productive than hitting the bars and “picking-up chicks”.