How To Supercharge Yourself With Confidence (Inner Game)
Confidence must exist at the core of everything you do in attraction because if you are afraid to do something despite having the skills it will not get done.
This all comes back to “inner game”.
Inner game is basically your core beliefs which drive the way you think and act in your day to day life.
There is a close relation between your personal confidence level and not compromising your core beliefs. As I discussed earlier beta males let everyone walk all over them because they are either trying to accomplish getting something from people or trying to make sure everyone is happy with them.
The beta male has no confidence and therefore will throw his own beliefs and values out the window if he believes he will get something or make someone like him.
You however must be unconcerned with what others think of you because most of the things outside of your own body are things you can have influence over, but ultimately have no definitive control over.
Ever since childhood your parents have screwed with your head and given you beliefs which have hurt you far more than they have helped you.
The most unfortunate part of this was that as children we accepted everything we were told and rarely questioned whether things “made sense.”
Because we were not taught to think for ourselves from a young age we grew up believing what we were told.
When you get right down to it, confidence is ultimately a reflection of your own independence and how truly satisfied you are with who you are.
Confidence in itself however, is a very relative thing.
Confidence is all a matter of what you believe is possible.
For example, I have no doubt that you believe you can read this book from start to finish without fear of losing your ability to read, however if you have recently learned to speak Russian you may be weary of your ability to permanently engrain this new language within your awareness.
When you are confident about something you don’t waste time wondering whether or not you can achieve it, and you are willing to push yourself to the limit in an effort to get to where you want to be.
You just look at things as they come along and know that if you are willing to push yourself anything is achievable.
I am one of the most positive (but realistic) thinkers you will ever meet and wholeheartedly believe that if someone is willing to work hard enough (and face as much failure as it takes) that they can achieve anything their heart desires.
This does not simply carry over to attracting women but to every area of your life.
This goes back to a concept which has been taught for ages – people who are willing to battle failure are the ones who succeed. Your confidence is the thing that is going to decide whether your doors open or whether they permanently remain shut.
People who lack self-confidence always feel a need to impress others and show off their knowledge and skills. I’m sure you can remember the days when you were worrying about every little thing a woman did in the few minutes you were around her; you could go months without ever talking to her but sat around questioning whether or not she was attracted to you.
People who have no confidence are constantly expressing jealousy and often secretly harbored resentment of those around them. They are always judging those around them instead of focusing on their own pursuits of success. These are the people you will constantly see telling everyone else how they should behave and talking any criticism of another as a personal attack.
Unconfident people will never admit that they have any responsibility whatsoever in their own failures. They are always looking to blame someone else. They act upon others the way they act upon themselves – they look at what everyone is doing wrong. As a result of viewing everything in a negative light this type of person will find that they will never truly be content and confident.
And while you were wondering this, you began dwelling on thoughts of failure, rejection and desperation to impress her without having to risk any of your own social value.
I can remember the days when I was afraid to hit on a woman because I assumed they were all cold, heartless bitches. Why did I assume this?
Because I was too scared to actually talk to a woman and find out otherwise.
From a young age you had very specific beliefs instilled in you. As you grew older however, you began to realize what parts of your life dissatisfied you.
You also – and this is the KEY point – decided…
1) What choices you were going to make to take your life in the direction which you wanted it to go.
2) What you believed was possible.
3) How much failure you were willing to withstand to succeed.
As I have said before if you spend your life trying to make everyone else happy you’re only going to end up miserable with a lot of disappointed people.
A person like this usually ends up desperate to make everyone happy and bends over backwards to make sure that he has no conflict or controversy with anyone and effectively comes off as boring, routine and uninteresting.
If you are going to be different you need to be willing to go against the tide, not worry about what others think of you and not let others define your reality for you.
Take any of those thoughts of compromising your integrity and throw them out the window – stop worrying about what others will think and start worry about acting for your own conscience and don’t worry about if someone else is upset with you. Just because someone claims they know more about the world than you or that they know the “right way” doesn’t necessarily mean they do.
In fact, most of the time when people tell you something impossible or that you’re crazy or wrong for trying or wanting to do something it’s not because they want to help you – it’s because they’re insecure and want to be right.
This is not to say you should go off and be an arrogant asshole who always does whatever he wants even if it hurts other people – find a delicate balance between your limits and still maintaining respect for other people’s independence and individuality.
One thing you should never feel bad about, however, is calling people out on their shit or standing your ground to maintain your beliefs and integrity.
All you are ever going to get out of life by catering to the beliefs and views of others is a bunch of people who view you as a wimp with no spine of his own – on top of that you’re probably going to end up miserable for following other people’s beliefs and passions and not your own.
Sometimes people are going to be upset with you for being your own person and that is just the nature of life. If you’re afraid of having to deal with conflict grow a spine because if you don’t things aren’t going to get any better.
You should never have to prove or define yourself to someone else.
Remember that you are living your life first and your desires and goals should go ahead of what others think of or want for you.
Women will respect a man who follows his heart and has his own passion far more than a man who chases everyone around trying to make sure they are happy with him.
As I said before this doesn’t mean that you need to be an asshole or go out of you way to shoot people down. Just make sure that you don’t let anyone tell you what you can and can’t do even if they try to use bribery, blackmail or sex.
Never make any apologies for who you are or what you believe in.
Stand your ground and follow your conscience… and your dreams.
We have all taken in hundreds of thousands of negative beliefs throughout our youth. We learned the “value” of shame and this has been a normal and expected part of life because it has been all we know.
If you learned that we weren’t supposed to date until 16 or that all women were cold calculating bitches, that belief has sat in your unconscious mind and didn’t change as you aged.
Normal is a relative thing based on what we have experienced throughout our lives.
This is why an immigrant coming to America can be filled with opportunity at the prospect of going to college while Paris Hilton would probably go suicidal having to go through the same situation.
As I have alluded to before, you are the company you keep which for the primary years of your life is your immediate family.
Before you are even old enough to think for yourself your family is setting your beliefs for you and creating your reality.
Obviously on the inside everyone desires to be a confident alpha male who has got their shit together and some people will even try to pretend to the point that they are lying to themselves just because they don’t want to accept any other possibility.
As I said before, there is no where that confidence has more importance than when you are trying to attract women.
Confident people on don’t rely on others for anything or expect anything from others.
This doesn’t mean that they don’t look to others for anything or take advantage of resources available to them. It simply means they don’t depend or expect anything from others and if someone else doesn’t meet their expectations they deal with it and move on.
They have enough self confidence to fell fulfilled no matter what situation they are put in.
Confident people also tend to become the most successful because they chose what they want, go for it and don’t let anyone else tell them otherwise. They also are not afraid of the problems that may arise as a result of their actions and are always more than willing to face them head on.
A confident person is someone who always knows what they want and is always cool, calm and collected. While your anger, rage and other generally negative emotions can come on in an instant calmness has a unique quality about – it can have a lasting residence within your being and give you an unwavering sense of peace.
Think of confidence as emotional homeostasis – the state in which your body is most comfortable and natural – you’re raw, honest, make no excuses for your desires or ambitions and most importantly…
YOU ACCEPT THAT YOUR DESIRE ARE NATURAL
You want yourself to get back to the calm neutral state which is your ideal state for thinking, acting and making life choices.
Confidence vs. Arrogance
Here we have an interesting one. Many guys I have talked to or answered emails from have tried at one time or another being an ass to women because they heard that women love jerks.
The problem is that although you are displaying features attractive to a woman that will set off her triggers a normal woman will in many cases avoid you because although she is attracted to you she does not want to be.
What you need to do is find that delicate balance where you are not rude – you are confident and in control but still have a loving and concerned way about you – you accept that make no excuses for your actions and do what you want when you want but still don’t ever consider yourself better than anyone else.
Calibrating confidence and alpha traits is one of the hardest aspects of learning to be attractive for many guys.
For many guys, even after reading this book calibrating a new personality is still something that needs to be worked on and improved.
Confidence is an emotion and being confident is all about emotional control… it’s something you feel from within.
If you feel confident on the inside you will display that outward to the world.
You need to feel comfortable with who you are and realize that you are no better or no worse than anyone else on this earth – all of us our equal as human beings.
The most important thing to do for success is to have a clear sense of who you are.
Of course “who am I?” is one of the greatest questions anyone faces in their life and it is something that took me years to answer. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked back on my younger years and realized I’ve wasted gaps of two years or more not accomplishing what I wanted to… it’s sad.
In order to know where you’re going you need to know what you want.
In getting what you want, you want to make sure above all else that you do not criticize those around you or have a constant obsession with being right – you know the type of person I am talking about. An alpha male is content with who is and little reservation about what others think of him.
Becoming More Social
If you’re shy it’s an inconceivable fact that you’re going to need to become more social to attract women.
When I started out, I was a kid in high school who is too afraid to even ask an attractive girl when my history project was due because I was afraid she would think I was a creep hitting on her.
I would intentionally avoid eye contact with attractive girls (which I did as a sign of submission) because I was afraid they would get offended that I was looking at them.
My fear kept me from my goals to an unbelievable degree. Don’t let it do the same to you.
My point in telling you this is so that you will realize this is a very typical beta guy tactic (although my extent was not typical).
These beta guys are so worried about what a woman will think that they are afraid to take any risks out of fear of making a woman feel uncomfortable (or in any other way negatively)… they’re worried about “ruining their chances” with her.
The problem with this is that what you are really doing is indulging in your fear rather than being nice – you don’t care about offending her, you care about “messing up” with her.
Once you move beyond your shyness and begin to date incredibly gorgeous and intriguing women you will realize that most of your shyness zone was in your mind.
Fear can be your greatest demon in attracting women.
You need to un-brainwash yourself.
Ideally you want to learn to become fearless socially.
This will leave you with a natural confidence that simply can’t be beat.
As I have said, before we are not taught in society to find strength within ourselves. We’re usually taught that it’s good to look for a “shoulder to cry on” or “a friend to confide in” rather than dealing with our emotions head on.
We are taught to conform and mold our beliefs to the views of the world.
We are taught to fear things that are different and always be wary of taking risks.
We are getting our information restricted from us like the Great Firewall of China limits what knowledge is available to the Chinese via the internet.
Where does this leave most people? In 12 years of school, 2 to 8 years of college and a 40 hour a week job for the next 40 years.
Doesn’t that sound dynamic and interesting? We think we are independent and free – it is true that we have the opportunity to be but most of us are brainwashed from childhood.
But back to my original point, about a woman’s general attitude towards shy men, but it can come down to two things:
She will either feel contempt for him or pity but it is highly unlikely she will feel attraction.
This is because women are biologically programmed to be attracted two alpha Males who are strong, independent and assertive and display signs that they can take charge and society and will be able to protect a woman.
It’s not my system that’s just the way evolution made things.
While the alpha male gives off a strong, protecting vibe, the shy or nice guy gives off a wimpy, dependent and beta vibe which women are simply not programmed to be attracted to. The reason this programming exists is because throughout history man was the protector and provider and a woman played a more comforting and nurturing role.
It’s not necessarily that a shy person is a bad person. However. it can make a bad first impression for attraction.
If you do not display your personality openly, other humans, male or female tend to draw conclusions, whether consciously or unconsciously and fill in the blanks about what your intentions are.
I hope you enjoyed reading this article. Now As as added bonus, watch this video in which two top experts share their confidence building techniques.