One of the most powerful things you could do to a woman is to inspire her to become a better person just to be with you. In other words, helping her to adapt new behaviors, break out of her comfort zone or even break her own “rules” when she’s with you.

It represents an enormous amount of compliance and causes backwards rationalization that will nearly guarantee that her attraction is long-lasting.

Before we get into that, I’d like to talk about a research project I once read about.

Years ago there was a British psychologist who did a study on the power of suggestion.

He measured the grip of three men, and under waking conditions, the average grip strength was 101 lbs.

He then told them that their grip was weak. He looked at the results and said, “Yeah. I’m afraid your grip tested very weak today.”

A few days later he tested them again and their average strength turned out to only be 29 lbs!

He then repeated the experiment, but this time, telling his subjects that their grip was very strong.

The final test showed an average of 142 lbs.

This says a lot about the idea that to correct a person’s behavior you should point out what they are doing wrong and ask them to fix it.

In order to understand the psychology behind this, consider the difference between these two scenarios:

changing behavior

A wife believes her husband is too serious and wants him to become more playful.

First, she could say to him “Dear. You are much too serious. I really wish you were more playful.”

The result would be the husband not only believing that he’s inherently a serious person, but also, because he wants to use his “free will” he will begin to become even more serious!

The correct way for her to “shape” her husband would be find a behavior of his that could be considered playful and say to him: “Wow you’re so playful, I really like that!”

As a result he will believe that he is a playful person, and also because he was given a great compliment, he will work to live up to it in the future.

When I first discovered this very powerful concept I was blown away, but at the same time I was somewhat resistant to the idea.

I didn’t want to accept that people were so easily influenced by others. After all, if you change enough of your behavior for someone else, are you still “being yourself ”?

Looking back on my early relationships, before I had even two ounces of game, I realized how much I would change to meet a woman’s relationship expectations.

If a woman talked about her ex-boyfriend and how much she liked it when he wore certain cologne, I’d run out and buy it immediately.

If she talked about how much she was attracted to guys who worked out and lifted weights, I’d get in the gym and start hitting the weights five times a week.

Now of course I think this is a terrible strategy for attraction, and I recommend you never change yourself just to meet a particular woman’s expectations.

influence photo

But…

As a strategy to build attraction and also as a very effective mental focus I’d like you to start thinking of attracting women as a process of shaping her.

This process starts immediately whenever I approach a woman. I walk up, and immediately start shaping her. Positive behaviors that fit into my agenda are rewarded with attention and kino, meanwhile behaviors or characteristics that I don’t like are punished by withdrawing attention.

I also shape her into the type of woman who will be likely to sleep with a new guy very quickly:

“You like living in the moment? Great. You’re spontaneous and warm up quickly to new people? Fabulous. Interested in taking a romantic walk on the beach? Awesome… You get a kiss.”

“What’s that sweetie, you don’t trust men from America, uh oh. Hmm maybe the blonde in the corner would appreciate my attention. Oh ok, you were joking… Yes of course you were. Let’ go meet my friends, they’d love you.”

(This isn’t an exact script, but more what’s going on in my own head when I interact with a woman.)

Shaping can feel somewhat uncomfortable to the woman if done wrong. Remember, women are out to relax and enjoy themselves, not to be controlled or motivated to respond a certain way.

A good pick up combines effective shaping with humor, touch and playfulness so that the interaction feels as comfortable and natural as possible.