How Your Social Status And Dominance Create Attraction
What attracts men to women and women to men?
Though we all have different preferences, there are certain things that men find universally attractive. Soft skin and hair, full breasts, symmetrical features and a nice smile all get a man’s attention and make him want to keep looking.
Why is this?
It is because these physical traits indicate good genes.
Good skin and hair are signs of health. Large breasts indicate fertility and nurturing.
A pretty smile is a great genetic indicator because a good set of teeth is a sign of good health and a smile indicates a good attitude and positive outlook, which is vital for survival in a hostile environment.
If you sleep with the woman of your dreams, the odds will be better that she will a) get pregnant with your baby and give birth without complications, b) have healthy children to carry on your genes and c) survive and stay healthy long enough to protect and provide for those children until they reach maturity.
These “genetic fitness indicators” are so powerful that a man will often overlook an attractive woman’s warning signs in order to be with her. The prospect of sex with her is so exciting that it clouds his judgment and can cause him to make life-ruining decisions.
It’s not something you consciously think about. You don’t see an attractive woman and think to yourself “If I mate with her, my children will be healthy and therefore more likely to survive and pass on my genes.”
You just feel an urge – you feel sexual desire.
We’re all attracted to traits whose value is not immediately obvious.
Women are also attracted to certain traits. While men are attracted initially to physical traits, women are more turned on by a man’s character. Sure, they appreciate good skin, hair and teeth but the emphasis is different. Relatively speaking, men are more attracted at a gut level to physical traits and women to character traits.
The most valuable contribution that a man can bring to her genetic future is in his character.
It’s a trait called dominance or high status.
Just as men are drawn to a woman’s body and face, women are drawn to a man’s dominance.
Dominance in a man satisfies a woman’s deep unconscious drives.
So what is dominance, how does a woman recognize it and how can a man cultivate it?
What Is Status?
In order to understand status and dominance, we first have to look at groups of people and how they interact.
Any gathering of two or more people can be considered a social group.
When people in a social group interact – whether verbally or nonverbally, they are socializing.
Inherent in all social groups is a hierarchy of status; social status is the hierarchical organization of relative influence. In simpler terms, status is the order of importance of people in a group.
Humans have a perception of status akin to a ladder of increasing importance. A dominant person is one who is higher up on this ladder relative to the others.
Remember high school? Which boys and which girls were the most popular? Who were the tagalongs of the popular group? Who were the “dorks” or outcasts of the class?
The popular kids were more dominant than the dorks. Status is a measurement of perceived value: value to the class, to the group, to the tribe.
Before we go on, I’d like to clarify what dominance is not.
Many people associate dominance with controlling others, fighting, manipulation, or using verbal, emotional or physical force and violence.
In fact, these behaviors are the signs of someone who isn’t dominant at all and is trying to assert his will over others. A dominant man has no need to assert his dominance because it is unquestioned.
I want you to understand that dominance lies in self-control. People will grant you status as a byproduct of the self-confidence, focus and integrity you exhibit Fear and intimidation may work to get people to do your bidding in the short term, but respect and attraction cannot be forced.
The image that flashes in my mind when I think about dominance is that of the benevolent king – like King Solomon. I think about JFK and Braveheart. I think of guys that make those around them better.
I think about men who protect and care for others, and at the same time get respect and admiration from those around them. I think about true leaders.
You probably know a group of men and women friends that has a very clear leader.
And it’s probably a guy.
What makes him the leader? Why do people intuitively look to him when there’s a decision to be made? How do women respond to him?
In every social group there is a dominant individual, and this individual exercises significantly more persuasive influence than any other single member of the group.
Sometimes, however, it can be female – in fact, it’s quite common for a group of guys to assign the leadership role to the most attractive female in the group.
I’m sure you can remember a time when you saw a beautiful woman in a bar surrounded by her male friends who were all competing for her attention. In this scenario, she is effectively the leader of the group. As you’ll learn later, she does not want this role, but she’ll entertain it until a dominant man joins the group.
Reflect on your social groups, or groups you’ve observed, and become aware of who the leader was. Become aware of how dominance asserts itself, what it looks and feels like, and how it is maintained within the group.
A Brief History Of Dominance
Hierarchies of status and dominance exist in the animal world among social species, those who live in groups in order to survive, but there’s a difference between what determines dominance in animals and in humans.
Amongst lions for example, the most dominant member of a group is usually the largest, the strongest and the most aggressive.
He’s a good hunter and can protect the group. He takes what he wants and is rarely challenged. If another lion challenges him he either kills the challenger or the challenger kills him and thereby becomes the new dominant lion. Rinse and Repeat.
Millions of years ago this was true among humans as well.
However, as we became more adept at communicating and planning, people began to recognize the value of alliances.
They realized there was strength in numbers.
No matter how strong and intimidating one man was, he was no match for three or four men of average strength that were organized against him. A man who could organize and persuade other men to join him was more powerful than one who bullied and alienated others.
The more people were willing to follow him, the more influence he had over the group. So, the ability to lead the group became the new standard for dominance.
The survival of a particular tribe depended on the leadership abilities of the leader.
Men would naturally compete for this position because of the increased access to food and mates, but the dominant male also had a huge responsibility. The lives of the tribe were in his hands.
He had no one to blame but himself when something went wrong. He was expected to comfort and take care of others and could not show weakness.
A Glitch In The Matrix
Today we still respond to social dominance, but no longer live in small tightknit tribes.
So if you meet a woman, she doesn’t necessarily know where you stand in the social hierarchy. She makes unconscious judgments to determine your status in two ways.
The first way is by looking at how others respond to you. This is why women go crazy for rock stars, celebrities and other men in positions of power. These people are given higher status than other people.
One way to improve your success with women is to become a celebrity. Easy. Right?
The second way is to observe your actions and your verbal and non verbal communication so that it is not your actual status as determined by the group that’s important but your perceived or internal status.
She’s assessing your status relative to hers.
A woman is paying attention to dominance cues. They take priority over money, good looks, sharp clothes and fancy cars. Her awareness is so finetuned that she assesses men in a split second.
We live in a society where you could travel to a new city across the ocean in a few hours, approach a woman you’ve never seen before, exhibit cues that indicate dominance, and have her attracted in mere seconds.
Our society has developed to a level of sophistication far beyond what our emotional circuitry is ready for.
This “glitch” is what makes pick-up based on cold approaches possible.
The experience of a dominant man is different from the experiences of others, not just in terms of external influence or power, but also internally, as an emotional experience.
You can’t fake high internal status. A high status man is accustomed to people treating him in a certain way and his entire manner reflects this.