I Am Going To Unveil The Ugly Face Of Social Conditioning
Social conditioning is the process through which individuals inherit the grand beliefs and behavior of their society; in other words, it is the way they learn to believe what everyone else around them believes and to act accordingly. It is about the influence that causes people to non-consciously conform to the prevailing attitudes, standards, and practices of society.
Most of us are aware that we are influenced by people such as our parents during our formative years and even that we are influenced by our peers throughout our lives, but few are aware of the extent of this influence, what it actually is that we are led to believe without question, or how great the implications can be of some of the behavior we adopt. Plus, we rarely realize that there might be other ways to look at things when ideas are instilled in us from a very early age. Not many question these ideas because it is not obvious that there is anything to question in the first place.
One cannot escape social conditioning, because it is an inevitable process and phenomenon that will always exist; it is impossible and even detrimental to avoid. In general, socialization is a good thing, but chances are that it is severely hindering a male’s progress when it comes to getting the girls he wants. Being aware of these non conscious beliefs and how they affect your behavior is vital because, without awareness, you will not understand why you think or act as you do.
It is because of socialization that people make sure they look carefully before crossing a street and they face a certain direction in an elevator. We are all raised to follow certain procedures, most of which are helpful. But socialization also causes people to adopt behavior that interferes with the natural seduction process, such as to feel embarrassed over their sexual desires and to avoid being selfish. In these cases, our conditioning gets in the way of getting girls, because you have to both reveal your sexual interest and go for what you want to seduce women.
Social conditioning is the source of several beliefs that keep you in line with everyone else, so although you may have all the freedom and free will in the world, you will still not stray too far from the pack. Beliefs deep inside us are the source of much of our behavior. Everything that we do is constantly subjected to our beliefs, including what we believe we are capable of, how we believe something should be done, and how we think others will react as a consequence of our actions.
Changing your mindset by adopting new beliefs can thus have a dramatic effect on your behavior and therefore the quality of your life. For example, if an overweight person stops looking at food as a source of pleasure and entertainment and instead sees it only as a source of nutrition, energy, and building blocks for the body, he or she can easily return to a normal weight over time, as such beliefs would alter his or her behavior. That way of thinking is often the only difference between overweight people and those who have always been slim, and similar difference of beliefs is the only difference between many males who are successful with women and those who are not.
Changing one’s mindset is also a much more effective approach than only trying to adopt specific techniques such as diets or tricks. And just like being overweight, if you are not having the success you want with women, it is your own fault. This is good news, as this means you can do something about it. If someone else were to blame, it would be near impossible to do much about it.
We learn which behaviors are acceptable in our culture today through social conditioning. As an adult, you automatically know what is okay and what is not, but you probably do not remember how you learned it as a child. If someone were to ask you to take off your pants in public just to make a point, you would simply refuse because you know that it is unacceptable to do so even though there is no law against it. If someone unexpectedly pulled your pants down you would most likely feel embarrassed without being able to explain where those feelings all of a sudden came from. Yet, in some parts of the world, tribes are still walking around naked, and that is still how we all come into the world when we are born. This proves that even some of our personal feelings, such as shame, are actually learned responses; they are not natural. But if you learned it a very long time ago, you will have a hard time telling the difference.
Most of our socialization is good and helps speed up our learning process of how the world works. Since humans are social creatures, we have the ability to learn from others, which saves us a lot of time and trouble as opposed to relying on trial and error and firsthand experience. However, there is a flip side of the coin; not everything we learn through socialization is accurate or helpful. Some of the beliefs and behavior we inherit are actually bad, and when it comes to dating, most beliefs are actually inaccurate and most behaviors are actually counterproductive.
The interesting thing then is how social conditioning applies to all aspects of dating. What are the grand beliefs that we inherit regarding women and how to attract them? By studying our language, the words and phrases that we use, our stories, how movies are structured, how products are marketed, people’s attitudes, and the way in which everyday discussions go, it becomes obvious how males are supposed to get girls: Females must be earned.
A common plot in stories told through literature and film is a situation involving a damsel in distress. While this scene may no longer be as obvious as it once was, with an utterly helpless princess trapped in an ivory tower waiting for a hero to come and rescue her, the same formula lives on today. The modern hero might no longer be a knight in shining armor or a prince, but instead an average male with extraordinary abilities or a superhero with superpowers who lives through an ordeal and gets the sexy girl in the end.
Think about what happened to the main male character in the last few movies you have seen. What did he get in the end after saving the entire world from evil aliens, monkeys, asteroids, zombies, pirates, clones, orchs, robots, monsters, terrorists, or Nazis? What did he get after winning the race, tournament, league, war, or fight against all odds?
He got the beautiful girl, the one he met at the beginning of the movie who was not particularly interested in him. In the end, he got her as though she were some sort of reward for his extraordinary achievement, once he proved that he deserved her.
Everywhere you look, male’s achievements are being associated with getting girls, an idea males learn in much the same way Pavlov’s dogs were conditioned to link the sound of a bell to the serving of food. That is the environment most of us have grown up in: an environment filled with the message that a male is not good enough for a female until he has proved his worth. Achieve something great, and then you can have the woman you want. To succeed is to become sexy and good enough for a woman. Success equals sex.
Simply growing up immersed in an environment that is based on this idea — reading books, listening to stories, watching movies, seeing ads, and overhearing conversations based on it — is more than enough to communicate the idea and instill in you the very same belief, that without doing something incredible, you do not deserve women and that you do have to deserve them.
All of us are very receptive to adopting beliefs when we are young, but the idea that success leads to sex is not something that is only hammered into kids as they grow up; this is an ongoing process, and most are unaware of it. Our culture is full of expressions that are based on these beliefs and used without any thought of their implications, such as, “getting lucky,” “that girl is out of your league,” “you do not deserve her,” “win her heart,” and “losers do not get laid.”
If you think about the phrase “getting lucky,” referring to when a male gets a female into bed, you can see that the phrase carries several embedded messages: The male should feel lucky (1) as if the female did him a favor by giving him the sex that only he wants, but she did not enjoy as much, (2) as if he really was unworthy of her, and (3) that his own actions had nothing to do with getting laid. It was just luck! That is a lot of meaning embedded into two words.
Other expressions are also heavy with the same meaning. To refer to a woman as being “out of your league” implies that she is unreachable and not even worth pursuing because she is too good for you. In line with this theme of competition comes the expression, “losers do not get laid.” This implies that winners do get laid and that it is impossible to get girls if you fail in sports, school, or your career. To “win her heart” also implies that a male must compete for females in some way, and an expression such as “you do not deserve her” leaves no question as to its meaning.
Every time these expressions are used, social conditioning is being passed on and reinforced, usually without any thought or awareness. Through this process, males learn not only to pursue females like trophies, but also that they are less valuable than women since they have to work to pursue women and prove themselves to them. Even if they do not believe it, they will still act like it if they adopt such behavior.
However, if males are led to believe that they must earn females, then females cannot simply spread their legs for every male that comes along and shows interest in them. Females have to play their part as well. They must not be promiscuous to be something to be earned, and this is why females’ sexuality has been controlled throughout history and why it still is — in all cultures.
This should come as no surprise, but a quick look at how females have been treated throughout history, how they are treated today, how they are spoken to, what labels they get, how laws affect them, and how modern discussions go makes this very apparent.
For instance, sexual promiscuity in females has always been considered a sin, and most religions preach stories about “virtuous” females who are all virgins to emphasize the importance of avoiding sex. However, such ideas still live on even outside religion, and today we have plenty of everyday expressions that are based on these ideas. It is common to refer to a female who has not yet had sex as a “good girl” or “innocent.” Otherwise she is “bad” or “naughty,” implying that she has done something wrong and is guilty of something, even if she has not committed any crime. Even today, females are typically raised to be “good girls,” which pretty much means that they stay at home instead of going out late at night and avoid getting pregnant before marriage. But the institution of marriage was invented long ago as yet another way to control females’ sexuality, and it is even called wedlock to keep females from being “loose.”
In addition, females are not allowed, either formally or informally, to show as much skin as males are. This is obvious in the Muslim world. Muslim females cover their bodies, sometimes entirely, and similar attempts to control females’ sexuality persist in the modern civilizations of the Western world too; it is just not as obvious. The same people who think that the way Muslim females cover their bodies is both outrageous and unacceptable usually get upset when their own teenage daughters want to leave the house in a tiny skirt. These people also often live in countries that have made it illegal for females to expose their naked chest in public. There are no such laws for males, and the movies that contain topless females are rated with stricter age restrictions than those that display shirtless males.
Another modern example of this idea is the sentiment that all forms of pornography (made for males) are degrading to females and that women in porn only do it for the money, a view shared by most feminists. The fact that half the actors in your average porno production are males and that they too are paid to be there goes unmentioned. This does not need to be mentioned, because everyone knows that males enjoy sex. Those guys therefore have the best jobs in the world, unlike the females, who are only doing it for the money, right?
No. In reality, females in the adult entertainment industry make several times more money than their male colleagues, not because they do not enjoy sex or they really feel degraded on film, but because they need to be compensated for all that they have to put up with when they are not naked in front of the camera, that is, the social pressure from the rest of society, particularly from feminists, that comes as a result of their defying their socialization. Only females receive this kind of opposition when they refuse to conform to rules concerning their sexuality that are unwritten but are supposed to be followed. This is something that their male colleagues do not have to deal with, since males’ sexuality does not need to be controlled to the same extent.
The truth is that pornography is only degrading to females if one believes they are not supposed to enjoy sex as much as males do or that the value of females lies in their sexual exclusivity, as we are traditionally led to believe. Hence, a female who does not conform deserves less respect, and if you disagree with the notion that a female’s value lies in her sexual exclusivity, then you are disrespecting her if you treat her otherwise. This is nonsense. At the end of the day, pornography is rarely degrading to females but denying their sexuality always is, and denying their sexuality has done more harm to womankind than pornography ever will. Therefore, one might think that today’s feminists, who are supposed to fight for “women’s” rightful treatment, would actually celebrate those who defy the socialization that attempts to condemn their sexuality, particularly in the only industry in the world where females earn a lot more money than males do for performing the same job. Instead, no other group on earth is as anti-porn as feminists.
By the way, it is interesting to note that what we call pornography in everyday speech is material that excites males primarily. “Pornography” is mainly visual depictions or suggestions of sexually attractive females, such as photographs of young, naked girls. The equivalent material for females is not the simple opposite. Females are less visually stimulated, hence the material that excites them comes closer to spoken or written descriptions of confident and charming grown males, which is why romance novels for females are full of detailed descriptions of such men. These romance novels make multibillion-dollar revenues each year but are not considered to be part of the adult entertainment industry. Most males do not realize that these novels are pornography too, as they are clueless to what attracts females and these novels do not bother the general public as much, since text does not ruin the politically correct idea of females as much as images do.
There are numerous more examples of the way socialization has instilled in us false beliefs, but the short of my point is that these two grand beliefs, that males have to earn females and that females’ sexuality must be controlled, alter the general behavior of both males and females on a very large scale. It literally makes the world go round.
While all heterosexual males desire nothing higher than women as long as their basic needs are met, the way they are led to believe they are of less worth than females and that they have to earn them causes them to shift their natural priorities. Success, achievements, and money come first, while enjoying women ends up further down the list. And it stays there until many males have wasted their youth and stamina, or even died, long before making it a high priority. It becomes normal for males to spend years in school and at work chasing a long-term goal without ever saying a sensible word to an attractive female.
It is ridiculous how motivated most males can be, following the belief that women will like them in the end. The guys in the gym talk about all the women they are going to go after once they have molded their biceps and lost that gut. After graduating high school, they join the military because they hear women like men in uniforms, or they enroll medical school and study for years to become doctors because they hear women are attracted to doctors. Even suicide bombers blow themselves up believing it will land them in paradise with 72 virgins as a reward for their actions. And endless numbers of males chase the dream of becoming rock stars because they dream of one day making it big and then finally “getting laid like rock stars.” They do all this and much more because they are motivated by the promise of all the women they will obtain as part of their success.
Females’ behavior is altered by these grand beliefs too, just differently. Society’s views of very sexually active and experienced males and the same type of females are quite different. If you are a promiscuous female, you are called “slut,” looked down upon, and in some cultures stoned to death. If you are a promiscuous male, however, you are called “stud,” looked up to, and admired for life — by both females and males, the young and old, the educated and uneducated. These different reactions create different kinds of social pressure for males and females that stimulates different behaviors.
The reality is that all females enjoy doing so-called slutty things, but no female wants to be perceived as a slut. One thing that females consider important is to be perceived as extremely cautious about whom they choose to have sex with. They are very concerned about their sexual reputation because of the way that society responds to it. Throughout time, the worst insult a female could receive has always been “whore,” and it remains so today. If you want to insult a male in a similar way, you have to do so by accusing his mother of being promiscuous (calling him a “bastard” or “son of a bitch,” for example), as being accused of being promiscuous has no effect on him directly since it is not associated with anything bad for males. To the contrary, such a comment would be a compliment.
Today females are still worried about being seen as “easy,” as in easy to get into bed with, since society still looks down upon such females. In an attempt to hide their true nature and natural urges, they have come up with the strategy of “playing hard to get,” which is more amusing than brilliant since it implies that females really are easy, though they are just pretending not to be. This is exactly the case. Women are very easy to get into bed as long as you understand what they want and how to give it to them. All women will, for instance, have sex on the first date, but few will admit it. Some do not even know they would as they have never met a man who knew how to seduce them that quickly and, sadly, most never will. However, the only reason that sex on the first date is even an issue for females is because of their socialization suggesting that it is inappropriate to engage in.
Some females manage to stay home, slowly getting more and more depressed and sexually frustrated, while those who cannot resist their natural urges give in to all their temptations and then pretend as if they never did. Most women fall somewhere in between these two extremes.
In reality, females absolutely love sex but, according to society, they are not supposed to enjoy it. However, this social pressure has unexpected consequences: Their socialization is luckily not enough to actually stop them from having a lot of sex with many men, since natural human desires cannot be suppressed successfully forever, but it will make them try to avoid taking any responsibility for it so that they appear to be “good” and “innocent” girls. Females are crazy horny, but they do not want everyone to find that out and label them as sluts. The most disturbing side effect of this behavior is how common it is for females to fantasize about being raped. Surveys have found that it is one of their most common sexual fantasies. This is not because they want to be raped for real, only that to be taken by force, against their will, is the ultimate form of sex without responsibility. Thus, it is a sexual fantasy that females may indulge in without feeling guilty.
When women are unable to suppress their desires, however, and when their fantasies are not enough to satisfy them, they will fuck around like rabbits but not admit it, and when the truth is exposed they will try to downplay the extent of their adventures and their responsibility for them. You can see signs of this if you pay attention to how they usually explain why they first slept with a man. They often describe it a little like this: “It just happened …,” “We somehow ended up in his bedroom …,” “I had been drinking …,” “I was very confused during that time …,” “He took me …,” and so on. It is quite common that females will describe what happened by first stating that they really did not have much control of the situation or that they had no responsibility for what happened, even though they wanted it to happen too and describe it with great passion as soon as they get their disclaimer on the public record.
When you are alone with a woman in bed, you can usually fuck and talk to her like the horny slut she really is, and she will truly enjoy it. However, she will usually become very upset if you bring anything of that sort up in public, in front of other people, because image and reputation are everything. This is something that you have to be aware of when attempting to seduce women.
From society’s point of view, there are different ideals for males and females, and the larger the percentage of the population that strives toward these ideals, the more successful the society will be. Hence, our socialization has evolved so as to encourage these ideals. The more successful a male is, the more valuable he is to society, and the more sexually exclusive a female is, the more valuable she is to society. Males are taught that their value comes from their achievements and their proven abilities to provide for others, with the hero being the ideal male — a male who is even willing to sacrifice himself for the greater good. This makes the loser the least ideal male. Females, on the other hand, are taught that their value lies within their sexuality and their ability to give birth and raise children, with the virgin labeled as the ideal female — a female who is willing to give up sexual pleasure for the greater good. This makes the slut the least ideal female.
For this reason, all successful cultures are full of stories of idealized females and males which tell about good things happening to female virgins and male heroes and bad things happening to female sluts and male losers to make sure the points are portrayed clearly. What is easy to forget, however, is that these are ideal males and females for society at large, but not necessarily to each other, and since they are ideals, that means they are exaggerated extremes. If all females actually were virgins and stayed that way, and all males became heroes and died in sacrifice, humankind would have ceased to exist within one generation. So, this grand plan is in place for societies to succeed, not individuals, and it is flawed when executed perfectly. The promotion of these ideas has worked well, however, because most people merely strive toward them, which has been enough for societies to prosper.
Although it is irrelevant in the end, one might ask out of curiosity why society has prospered with these ideals. What is the point of controlling females’ sexuality?
The answer is probably because females have more at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as they indeed are more vulnerable than males and risk becoming pregnant. The more careful a female is, the better the chances that both she and her babies will survive. To have sex and potentially ending up pregnant is a huge risk only to her, while a male risks pretty much nothing at all from having sex with a female. Females only produce one egg per month, and once inseminated females will become much more vulnerable for nine straight months, leading up to childbirth, which is an experience that could actually kill them. Remember that medicine is a man-made science; painkillers, vaccines, birth clinics, and such inventions are not readily found in nature and are nothing that we humans are born to depend on. These advances have only been around for a few generations in the developed world, but even today you do not have easy access to these advances everywhere.
Males, on the other hand, produce millions of sperm every day and are capable of inseminating a new female if they please about 15 minutes after the previous one. There is no natural or biological risk involved at all, with the exception of sexually transmitted diseases which affect females too and take a long time to develop. Males are not the ones who will get pregnant. You know this, of course, unless you have been brainwashed by the modern idea that “there are actually two people who get pregnant.” Actually, only the female does, but it is in the best interests of society as a whole for all males to believe otherwise, because beliefs govern behavior, and if you want people’s behavior to change, you have to change their beliefs.
However, this approach does not make sense today. Control of females’ sexuality might have been a good idea, perhaps even critical, in the past, but today contraception is readily available. Today it is so easy to practice safe sex that it is much better, simpler, and healthier to preach and practice the use of condoms instead of locking up females or trying to make them feel guilty for indulging their natural urges.
So what is the point of controlling males’ effort?
The answer is probably that males have little at stake when they have sexual intercourse, as they do not risk becoming pregnant. Therefore, their lack of a strong natural desire to stay and care for only one female, to support her and her children, is not optimal as far as society is concerned. However, nothing is as desirable for a male as an attractive female is, and obtaining women is males’ greatest motivator. So making males believe they are less valuable than females and that they must earn females not only improves the chances of males supporting females and their children, but chasing females indirectly also causes males to pull society along with them as they create inventions, discover resources, and start corporations while chasing their achievements and competing with each other. These are byproducts that have inarguably benefitted all of us and helped humankind evolve from cold and unlit caves into heated and illuminated high-rises.
Imagine a few hundred years ago when Columbus made his voyage across the Atlantic Ocean toward the unknown horizon, perhaps toward the very end of the earth. If he were to have had all the women he wanted, would he have left his harem to embark on such a dangerous journey? Would he have been able to gather all the necessary crew of male sailors to join his ship if all of them too had all the women they dreamed of?
I seriously doubt it.
No sane male would risk his life going on such journeys or spend his entire lifetime in a laboratory to create technological advances. As far as work goes, males would most likely do a lot less, probably just enough to get through the day, so they could enjoy the rest of it with a beauty in their arms or in their beds. Technology would not have evolved at anywhere near the pace if all males were able to get the women they desire. Yet technology has evolved, and our world is full of useful inventions, and the males who created these inventions (few of them were female) are considered heroic, virtuous, and greatly celebrated in public.
Women truly are the greatest motivation there is for males. A lot of good music and useful inventions would never have come to fruition if males knew that they could just go straight after the women they wanted without being successful in society first. This is why there will always be high level incentives to make females play hard to get and drive males to work hard for females.
However, this approach does not make sense today. Controlling males’ effort might have been a good idea, perhaps even critical, in the past. But these days, our standards of living are high, most of us live in societies that are peaceful and prosperous, and there are billions of males. Not every single male must sacrifice himself.
Perhaps long ago there were tribes in which males and females did not do much more than pursue and enjoy each other. Unfortunately, they would eventually be wiped out by any rival tribe that was willing to put that pleasure aside for a brief moment and spend some time developing weapons and martial arts. I do not know if this is true, but I do know that all the societies that have survived until today have well-organized military forces, and today males focus a lot of time and energy on things other than the pursuit of women, even if they admit they want nothing else. I also know that you are not risking your survival by pursuing women today, and neither does focusing on women for a while mean you have to give up your career entirely or completely neglect your community. However, you ought to know at least that there is an alternative to becoming a societal sheep, to be a man, and that alternative happens to be what women want.
Obviously, I am not interested in destabilizing society, which is why I am not out on a political campaign to change our socialization by altering our schools’ curriculums, the laws of our nations, or the way we raise our children.