Stop Trying To Get Her Back (Breaking Up)
Let’s face it. When you first break up with a girl, you don’t want to move on…
Even if the situation is painful…
Even if you know it’s a bad idea to keep trying…
Even if the situation is hopeless or too complicated to fix…
Even if she has already left…
Most of the time the only thing guys can think about when things go south is how to get back with their ex girlfriend.
But, in case you thought I was here to blow sunshine and moon beams up your ass.
You might be afraid that it may take you a long time and lots of pain to get over your ex girlfriend and that in the meantime it might do long term damage to other parts of your life.
That, as it turns out, is a very legitimate fear.
About a 1/4th of the hundreds of guys that I coached and interviewed personally were trying to get over a girlfriend they had broken up with over two years before.
A good portion of those guys had not even been in contact with their ex for that whole time.
How much fun does that sound?
There are guys who don’t truly recover from the pain of a lost love and it ends up affecting their lives for years afterwards.
All the bottled up pain channels its way into other parts of their life and begins to effect the way they view themselves, other people, and the world.
Sometimes the effects are obvious, but most of the time it’s subtle ones they aren’t even aware of.
Because they didn’t ever really get it handled, they tend to have a lot less control and power over things in their life.
Their confidence becomes sapped and they start to believe this is just how things are for them, and worse yet, how they will probably always be.
It also muddles and clouds their motivation and ability to achieve other goals and do the things they want to do in life.
Much of their mental energy is spent thinking about a way to get the approval or validation of their ex, or another woman they think that might be able to take her place.
As a result they don’t even think about what they want. Hell, it doesn’t even occur to them that they should.
And maybe most importantly it can seriously affect the relationships in a man’s life. Future girlfriends, friends, family and the ability to make new long lasting relationships in general can all be affected negatively.
The one thing most of these guys did is that they waited it out. They viewed the break up as something that happened to them, not something they had control over.
The Guy You Do Want To Be
There are also guys who go through the healing process very quickly.
Sure, there is sadness and pain, there would be nothing to “recover” from if there weren’t. But it alleviates and releases in a healthy way.
Very soon these guys are integrated, happy and single again (and in many cases that much more attractive to women because of the wisdom they’ve gained).
They come out of the break up with a feeling of control and power in their lives because they didn’t let it throw them off course for very long.
The have the mental energy, focus and motivation to keeping pursuing what they want in life and achieve their goals.
And their social life is as lively as ever, even more so usually. Their new found time without a girlfriend simply allows them to meet more women and make new friends.
Now…Aren’t you glad you get to be one of those guys?
So what do these guys all have in common?
The one biggest difference I saw in this group was not just in their personalities but one common theme in their stories about when things felt the worst.
They faced it and they pushed through it.
I’m going to go into what that means a little more, but keep it in the back of your mind for now.
Oh yeah…just for kicks, here are some other traits the quick recovering types all had in common as well.
Emotional awareness– A deep understanding of how and why their emotions work.
Mental toughness– Knowledge of what influences and thoughts are corrosive and which ones are empowering.
Flexibility– An understanding and acceptance that change, externally and internally, are not only part of life but are necessary.
Connection– Many close and meaningful friendships and a lifestyle that is always bringing new ones in on a regular basis.
Purpose– Knowing what they value and want in their life as well as what they are grateful and appreciative for.
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