What Every Guy Needs to Know About Attracting Women And Maintaining Their Interest
Know That You Are More Than Good Enough.
One of the biggest mistakes men make is in thinking that they’re:
a) Not good-looking enough.
b) Not rich enough.
c) Not tall enough.
This expands out to thinking that if you’re of a certain race, then you stand no chance with women of another race.
Do me a favor and take a look around the next time you are in a public place. You will notice that women are dating all sorts of men all shapes, sizes and races.
Race aside, you might be thinking, “What about me Dan? I don’t think women find me that attractive because…[insert your perceived flaw here]…”
I don’t care if you’re a big fat, ugly, bald, chubby-ass nerd – I have (and I know you have) seen guys in worse predicaments than you who are dating hot women.
How do they do it?
I’m about to explain.
But please, leave any of your BS excuses (i.e. “Women don’t like me because…”) at the door. My excuses paralyzed me for 25 years of my life and I don’t you to suffer another day.
My biggest insecurity used to be that I didn’t think beautiful women would find me attractive.
Boo-hoo! What an idiot!
I was totally ignoring the reality that billions (yes, billions) of ‘average looking’ dudes were dating and sexing hot, hot women.
Realize That Women Are Not Looking For ‘Magical Opening Lines.
It’s true that most men don’t have a clue when it comes to approaching women and starting conversations.
Women have heard all the usual ‘pick up lines’…but guess what?
It doesn’t matter.
Nothing matters when you are behaving attractively.
These days, I literally walk up to women and say things like:
– Hey, what’s happenin’?
– Howdy, I’m Dan – who the hell are you?
– Hi, I thought I’d come over and be social…I’m Dan, what’s your name?
One of the main reasons that conversation starters like those work for me is that I am able to Assume Rapport and Attraction.
When you assume rapport, is it attractive.
Because it shows confidence, social ‘coolness’ and that you have traits of an alpha male who goes after what he wants.
“Hey….I love books….this place makes me realize how much I love books…how about you – you like learning stuff, or do you read romance novels all the time?”
Here’s the thing though…
As long as you are behaving attractively, you can even say random, funny or silly things that would be disastrous if said by a guy who wasn’t behaving attractively.
I demonstrated this recently when coaching a client. I approached 3 different groups of women over the course of the weekend with these conversation starters:
Group 1: Hi guys, I’m interested in meeting a girl tonight, but ‘m not having any luck – do you guys like me?
This got an awesome response, because it was extremely funny coming from a guy who was obviously confident.
Group 2: Hi guys, I don’t know what to say but I just wanted to come over here so I could stand near you. Can you make me feel welcome by buying me a drink, or am I being too forward?
Group 3: Girls hate me…I’m convinced. Guys – take a look at me: Do I look like a guy you would hate or who you could grow to love? Because I’m really starting to think that girls hate me.
Feel free to use those – they all worked.
Behave Attractively and Women Will Pay You More Attention.
It’s true that what you say reveals a ton about your personality, but you may have heard that how you say it is more important.
But what the hell does that mean?
To say something in an attractive way, you should also be displaying or using some (if not all, depending on the situation) of the following:
Note: I am referring to masculine behavior and psychology here (e.g. not complaining or whining about how you think life is so tough,)
– Flirting body language.
– Playful (not girly!) attitude.
Only when you have a handle including those things, will your conversation be of any real value to a woman in terms of attraction.
Imagine a nervous ‘nice guy’ who tends to use ‘safe humor’ and avoid flirting with women (low-status behavior).
Now imagine a confident, masculine guy who uses risqué humor (e.g. David Letterman style humor) and who enjoys flirting with women.
Next, imagine that the two guys are standing next to each other in an interaction with a group of three women.
Whose conversation will the women be more inclined to listen to and pay attention to?
The nice guy’s politically correct approach to life is probably going to mean ‘boredom’ for all involved.
And people don’t want you to bore them – especially in social environments where people want to be seen to be having a good time.
Your conversation and what you speak about is a direct indicator of your social status, values, confidence, popularity, approach to life and a ton of other things.
Get good at making conversation by following all the advice I’ve given you in The Flow.
Learn to Reveal Your Intentions in the Right Way.
If you want to get sex, then don’t be a sneak about it.
It’s true that most women are put off by direct, sleazy conversation. However, it’s also true that pretty much all women crave to be engaged in flirtatious conversations, when the time is right.
So, here’s a little bit of must-know information for you.
If a woman is too forward or open about how much she likes sex, people will often see her as a ‘slut’, as too easy or as someone who would be unfaithful in a relationship.
So, I recommend that you take a moment acknowledge that it is your role to lead a woman through the stages of a sexual courtship.
If you fight against that fact of nature, then sex will always be a rare thing in your life.
Some of the ways I reveal my intentions to women:
a) Flirtatious body language: Sexual smiles, squinting of the eyes, etc. See George Clooney for a visual example.
b) Words: “You know what…I like you, you’re pretty sexy.”
Note: This will only work if you have sparked enough attraction.
If a nervous, nice guy says something like that – most women will be flattered, slightly more interested, but still put off by the lack of confidence and challenge her offers.
c) Looking their body up and down: Sometimes, during an interaction, I will step back half a step and slowly look the woman up and down for about 3 seconds, while she is talking.
You will most likely get a response like, “Were you just checking me out??”
“Yes…you’re pretty and I like your sense of style…you look good.”
Which will usually be followed up by her being astonished that you had the balls to say and do something like that.
Note: This is an advanced move that has increased the amount of women in my life ten fold.
Please do you and me a favor: Keep this move to yourself!
Understand That You Don’t Have to do Everything ‘Right’ to Succeed.
Let me just get this straight for you:
You don’t have to be Mr. Perfect in all areas that women are attracted to, in order to succeed with women & dating.
Here’s the deal…
By applying what you’re learning here, you will:
a) Become more attractive to a wider range of women, so you can choose who you date rather than relying on luck.
b) Ensure that your relationships (dating and long-term) will be more satisfying and fulfilling for both parties.
c) Be the man that all women really want, so you have less chance of being ‘dumped’ by a woman because you’ve messed things up.
d) Feel confident in your interactions with women, because you now know things about attraction that most guys are unaware of.
e) Handle all the ‘tests’ that women throw at you, because you understand that women need to continually test to see if you are still the masculine one if the interaction or relationship.
f) Not really worry about any little ‘attraction mistakes’ you make, because you know how to use your mindsets properly. Example: “It doesn’t matter if I stuff a few things up, this girl still likes me because…”
Understand That Compatibility is a Factor.
A lot of guys get frustrated when learning this sort of stuff, because it often requires a bit of time and effort before you start receiving the big rewards (i.e. sex and relationships).
I can empathize because me and a heap of my friends spent about 400 hours on phone calls over the course of a year, trying to work out what the hell was going on when we weren’t getting any action!
I got to a point where I was:
– Able to approach women with confidence.
– Good at flirting.
– Able to make great conversation.
– Using fairly confident body language.
– Wearing stylish, trendy clothes, aftershave and a great haircut.
– Doing well in my management career.
but my friends and I were still finding it hard to maintain the interest of all women.
This continued on until I realized that compatibility plays a huge part in the success of interactions and relationships.
You might start interacting with a beautiful woman and feel a physical attraction for her, but find that she doesn’t meet your criteria in terms of intelligence and personal values – so your emotional attraction won’t be that strong for her.
Vice versa – You might start interacting with a woman that you think is ideal for you. You might be displaying confidence, making good conversation and using great body language – but she might find that you don’t meet her criteria in terms of masculinity, ‘social coolness’ or personal values.
So, when it comes to working out how to maintain a woman’s interest, here is some must-know advice that will save you from years of frustration and banging your head against a wall.
Realize That Attraction & Interest Are Two Different Things.
You can attract pretty much any woman on this planet by using what you are learning from me.
However, no matter what you do – your personality, approach to life and the things that you want to talk about – won’t be of interest to all women.
So don’t get upset if a woman isn’t interested in you.
If you notice that a woman isn’t into your ‘style of life’ or doesn’t share key values that you feel strongly about, then talk to another woman!
Warning: My favorite topics to talk about are nanotechnology, biotechnology, artificial intelligence, transhumanism immortality and metaphysics.
After meeting thousands of women in bars, only one or two of them have wanted to talk about those things.
So, should you ignore all the women who don’t want to talk about topics that you enjoy?
1. Different conversational styles are required for certain environments.
2. Women are very different to men.
While we men usually like to talk about logical things and work out solutions to problems, women usually prefer to have conversations that inspire emotions.
I’m not saying that women aren’t interested in ‘guy things’, it’s just that they usually prefer to talk about ‘girl things’, or about things that inspire strong emotion.
So don’t try to force or even encourage a woman into having a conversation about logical things until you’re dating her (first date is fine.
It’s okay to talk about logical, information-based topics with women, but here’s a tried and tested rule to run by.
Remember to Vary Your Energy & Conversational Style.
If we were to break conversational styles into two types, one being Fun, Flirty & Emotional and the other being Logical, Formal & Normal, then this is how you should use them:
1. House parties, functions, on a date with a woman.
50% Fun Flirty & Emotional
50% Logical, Formal & Normal
2. Bars, clubs and other high-stimulus environments.
80% Fun Flirty & Emotional
20% Logical, Formal & Normal
3. Bookstores, supermarkets and other low-key environments.
20% Fun Flirty & Emotional
80% Logical, Formal & Normal
You know how long that took me to work out?
Three whole years and thousands of interactions! Now, you’ve just learnt it in 1 minute.
If only you could have seen how many times I tried to talk Logical, Formal & Normal to girls in bars and have them say, “Umm, I have to go to the bathroom” (and never return) you’d be having a right old laugh at me now.
I’d be sitting there waiting for the woman to return …. Waiting …. Waiting …………..Doh!
Learn to Express Some Emotion.
A lot of the guys I’ve coached are amazed at how interesting they become as soon as they learn to express some genuine emotion.
I was recently eating dinner on a Saturday night with a client, chatting about the progress he made the night before and getting him revved up to hit the town with confidence.
I asked him, “Okay, imagine that there are two girls sitting here with us right now…what could you make conversation about?”
After a few minutes of frowning and scratching his head, he suggested that he could talk about:
a) The food.
b) The restaurant we were in.
“Awesome!” I said.
I followed up by asking him, “Okay…talk about those things as if the girls were sitting here with us now.”
After another two minutes of frowning and head-scratching, he replied, “Hmm……………….the food is nice…….and….ah, this is a nice restaurant…?”
I pretended to fall asleep on the table.
“Dude…that is so boring!”
Okay, enough of the reenactments…
Here’s what he should have done instead:
1. Used his emotional perspective to talk about the food and the restaurant.
“I tell you what…this food is awesome…I love Japanese food……especially how it’s so close to being natural y’know…hardly any additives and stuff…”
Notice how I am revealing my emotions and showing that it’s okay to share your feelings about food around me.
Compare that to the approach that my client was previously using. His conversational style had always meant that women would barely even respond to him.
Because people can tell that you’re lying (or too afraid to voice your real opinion) when you say that everything is nice, nice, nice.
2. Gotten the women involved.
After saying the statement about the food, he could have then added a question on the end to get the women involved.
“How about you guys – what are some of your favorite foods?”
Notice how I’m directing the conversation toward positive feeling emotions and I’m including the words ‘some of’ to indicate that I want more than one answer.
Decide to Become a More Interesting Person.
If all you do is work, hang out at your friend’s houses, watch movies and surf the internet, then you’ll struggle to spark & maintain the interest of beautiful women who are interested in lifestyle and adventure.
My recommendations for becoming a more interesting person:
1. Be real: Start using your real opinion in conversations and interactions, rather than hiding behind emotionally-guarded crap.
No-one likes a liar, but everyone admires and respects a person who can be tactful and respectful while stilling saying what he truly feels.
I recommend the following books if you want more info:
– The Way of the Superior Man, by David Deida
– Emotional Intelligence, by Daniel Goleman
2. Take short-courses: Massage course, cooking-class, a few surfing lessons.
A lot of short-courses like those are also an easy way to meet women.
A girl that I met at cooking-class (a 3-week course) was one of my favorite girlfriends last year.
3. Try out adventurous activities: Bar tours around your city, relaxation retreats, mediation camps, hiking, travel, laughter yoga.
Another great way to meet women.
They also give you plenty to talk about when people ask, “So, what have you been up to lately?”
4. Develop more depth to your understanding of the world: Learn from experts in all fields.
For example: I worked in leadership roles for about 7 years in the corporate arena. I read a ton of books on the subject, but the best book I ever read was ‘The One-Minute-Manger’ by Kenneth Blanchard.
Once I implemented what he teaches, my staff started listening to me and wanting to impress me.
Outside of work, I also made a ton of new friends who wanted to spend more and more time with me.
The basic concept of the book: Have enough balls to praise and reprimand people. By doing so, people will see you as more of an authority figure and want to earn your respect and approval.
5. Watch documentaries: So much to learn from documentaries.
They are also a source of endless conversation topics.
Just keep a notepad and pen next to you while watching a documentary and make notes of interesting things that you see or learn.
“Did you know that 10 percent of the Russian government’s income comes from the sale of vodka?”
“Did you know that the Pope has been known to often wear red Prada shoes?”
“Did you know that The Mona Lisa used to hang on the wall of Napoleon’s bedroom?”
“Did you know that fingerprints of koala bears are similar (in pattern, shape and size) to the fingerprints of humans? How freaky is that!”
“Did you know that honey is the only food that doesn’t spoil? Honey found in the tombs of Egyptian pharaohs was tasted by archaeologists and found to be edible.”
Inject those sorts of things into your conversations with women and you will be a ton more interesting than most other guys.