Once a woman has become attracted to you, she wants to know that you’re attracted to her for reasons other than just physical ones. We call this process Qualification.

It’s still a good idea to express physical interest in a woman (and as we’ve seen in , it can a great way to start a conversation in the daytime), but this needs to be combined with compliments on her personality and achievements as well.

Qualification consists of screening and rewarding. Screening is where you assess whether a woman meets your standards and rewarding is where you show her that she meets your standards (if indeed, she does) – mostly by complimenting her.

Qualification is important because:

• High quality men have high standards for women in their life. By showing a woman that she meets specific standards you have set, she will be more attracted to you.

• Showing women your appreciation for who they are makes them more inclined to spend time with you. She may be attracted to you, but if she feels like she’s just going to be another notch on your bedpost, she is less likely to act on it because there could be negative biological or social consequences for her; for example, getting pregnant or having other people think of her as a slut.

If you don’t qualify a woman after building Attraction with her, it will be hard to progress the interaction physically and logistically. You can sleep with some women without much qualification, particularly younger girls or girls that party a lot. But in most cases, without expressing anything other than physical interest in a woman, you will struggle to get her to come home with you.

how to qualify women

You should begin Qualification once a woman is attracted to you. Once a woman knows that you are attracted to her, the Qualification phase is complete. However, bear in mind that you will need to maintain Qualification levels when you are in Comfort.

Qualification In Day Game

There are two major differences in Qualification for daytime dating compared with meeting women in nighttime venues.

• Qualification often happens a lot sooner in the daytime than it does in bars and nightclubs.

Because Attraction tends to be built in the daytime a lot quicker than it is in bars and nightclubs, you can move into the Qualification phase sooner. As you become more experienced with building Attraction, you may find that you move into Qualification very quickly – sometimes you can even do so immediately after Approaching if you feel that the woman is already attracted to you.

• Qualification often runs a lot deeper in the daytime than it does in bars and nightclubs.

Women in bars and clubs tend to be drinking, distracted by their friends and have multiple guys competing for their attention. These issues are mostly absent in the daytime, so you can get into real and direct conversations with women much more easily. This allows you to discover a lot of genuine things you like about a woman beyond her looks. Of course, it also runs the other way: if a woman isn’t interesting beyond her looks, it will become apparent to you very quickly.

Screening

In order to find out if a woman meets your standards, you need to decide what those standards are in the first place. What kind of women do you want in your life? Do you like women who are adventurous, ambitious, sociable or feisty for example?

Write down a list of five things that are important to you in a woman’s personality. Then, next to each one, write down a few examples of what a woman might have going on in her life that would reflect that quality. For example, I really like a woman to be very open minded, which could be reflected by her traveling a lot, having a really varied taste in music, or being willing to try new things regularly.

Screen women you meet by introducing these specific topics into the conversation. Do so gently; you don’t want to sound like you are interviewing her, rather that you are politely feeling her out to see whether she matches what you’re looking for in a woman.

Topics that typically allow you find out a lot about a woman’s personality include:

• Career

• Education

• Travel

• Hobbies

• Music and movies

• Fitness and sporting activities

• Social activities

Let’s say I decided that I wanted a woman who was very sociable and had a lot of friends. I could screen for that by finding out about her social activities:

John: So tell me, do you go out a lot?

Julia: Hmmm yeah! Quite a bit.

John: Ah, so you’re a party girl. I like that. What sort of places do you normally go to?

Julia: Well, I’m not really into clubbing. I used to go to nightclubs all the time, but I prefer going to lounge bars these days.

John: I’m the same. I enjoy good conversation with good people. You can do that in a lounge bar, but try doing it in a nightclub and you end up with a hoarse voice the next day. You know, you have a kind of dangerous look in your eyes – are you the kind of girl who tries to get all your friends drunk??

Julia: Oh no! Not me. I’m very well behaved.

John: Yes. Either that, or you’re very good at pretending that you are [said with a smile so she knows I’m teasing].

relationship advice

Notice that I start with a very general screening question and then get more specific as I get more positive input from the woman. Also, I’m using statements in between questions to keep Attraction levels up and to ensure she doesn’t feel like she’s being interviewed.

Some final notes on screening:

• Screen for things that you genuinely want in a woman. Daytime dating gives you a chance to have honest conversations with women really easily. Take advantage of that by having a serious think about the kind of women you like and figuring out what sort of questions you could ask to find them.

• It’s really important to relate back to her answers with your own opinions and experiences in between asking her questions. Most guys ask women way too many questions early on without contributing any material to the conversation themselves – don’t be one of those guys!

• Screening is one of the most useful tools you have if you find yourself running out of things to say when you are talking to a woman: if you lead the conversation onto a topic that interests you, you will probably have a lot you can say on it.

What If She Doesn’t Meet Your Standards?

If you screen a woman on something and she doesn’t match up to what you want, don’t give up straight away. Change the topic and see whether she meets any of your other standards. No one is going to match up 100% to everything you want, so be willing to have some flexibility (besides, what you think you want won’t necessarily be what you end up enjoying the most).

However, it’s worth having some threshold minimum criteria that women absolutely need to meet. For example, my “deal breakers” are:

• She does nothing interesting in her spare time beyond partying

• She doesn’t travel and expresses no interest in doing so

• She disrespects my friends

If a woman doesn’t meet your minimum standards, politely excuse yourself and walk away. There are many, many more women out there to approach that just might have what you’re looking for.

Compliments

The main way to reward women for meeting your standards is to compliment them. You should weave a few light but sincere compliments into the conversation early on, as soon as a woman starts responding positively to your screening topics.

Here are some examples:

• You’re actually really cool to talk to.

• I think that’s really attractive in a woman.

• I like that you carry yourself so well.

• I think it’s great you’re so ambitious.

• You seem like a really open-minded person. I like that.

Compliments shouldn’t be overused. If you compliment a woman too often, she won’t feel like she’s earned them. Space them out with plenty of conversation in between. Also, don’t always deliver compliments straight after seeing a quality you like; sometimes it’s good to wait until later to tell her. The slight unpredictability means she’ll be more excited about you praising her when you do.

As you get to know a woman better, you can compliment her more deeply. To do this, be more specific with your compliment. For example, “I like how confident you are” is a light compliment. After spending more time with her, you could say, “I like how confident you are. You take risks with things where other people would be too afraid. It’s really rare to find someone with that kind of bold attitude to life.”

the beauty

After you deliver a compliment to a woman, don’t let it linger or wait for a response. You don’t want there to be a pause as if you expect her to suddenly express her undying gratitude for what you just said. Throw the compliment out and then move straight onto the next topic of conversation.

Here are some other guidelines for compliments:

• Compliments should be genuine. Don’t pretend like you love everything about the woman you just met. Instead, look for her positive qualities and reward her for those.

• Try to compliment her on things that aren’t immediately obvious. The less often she hears it from people, the more powerful it will be.

• Physical compliments are ok so long as they are used in moderation and you don’t dwell on them. They’re much better if they involve some element she has control over, for example her hair, the way she carries herself or her style (as opposed to her eye colour or her skin tone).

You should aim to give a woman a few compliments (around two or three) within the initial conversation you have with her when you meet her. By giving her explicit compliments on her personality (and not just her physical self), you’re emphasizing to her that the two of you are a good match. It also communicates that you didn’t just stop her to be friendly, but you actually have some romantic interest in her. That way, if she stays in the conversation, she is giving her implicit consent for you to pick her up – and therefore she’s much more liable to agree to a date when you ask her out at the end of the conversation.