When you’re in that grey area of post break up friendship, and you’re still hanging out, and things are on and off…

Maybe she says things every now and then that give you hope that she still likes you… It could be that just as things get silent between the two of you, she calls and checks to see how you’re doing.

This can drive guys crazy, and there are two things to remember while this is going on…

She may genuinely be conflicted.

She feels guilty and thinks she can help you through your heartbreak.

She may want to keep the parts of the relationship that still work for her.

This can make it so much easier for you to convince yourself to keep trying to get back together with her.

How to tell if she has another guy in mind

My perspective on why a lot of women leave men is that, although they may not actually be with another guy, they often will at least start picturing themselves with another guy (whether its anyone in particular or not) before they start to get restless in the current relationship.

Before I get into a few quick you can look for to see if she has another guy in mind, there is something really important to know before you use them.

There is a bias called the “confirmation bias” and basically what it means is that if you have a belief, your mind will often tune into things that confirm that belief and block out anything that contradicts it.

women's signals

If you are convinced your girlfriend is cheating on you, you are inevitable going to start looking for things that confirm it, even if most of the evidence suggests other wise.

Keep this in mind if you when you find yourself looking for clues. If you are convinced that there will be some… There will be some…

That being said, there are some things you can look for…

She cheated on her last boyfriend with you.

There has been a shift or decline in the sex… Often sleeping with two guys at the same time makes girls uncomfortable and they will start finding reasons to not sleep with you and it may feel stilted or different.

They aren’t going to feel the same all the time, they will spike and get a little better, only to spike again and then improve again.

This will happen on a day to day basis. Maybe you’ll feel the worst on one part of the day (I have found it is most often nights, weekends and holidays for most people) and then better in others.

Some days will be better than others, as will some weeks. Overall though as you are recovering things will improve.

Understanding that this is part of process is going to help you have some perspective, especially during the tough times.

It is important to remember that when things feel especially bad, that means shortly, they will get better.

Also when you are feeling some relief, then chances are the bad feelings are going to return. They may come back slowly or they may flair up.

Your mind, body and emotions are going to oscillate back to normal through a cycle of stress and recovery.

Think about what happens when you get a fever.

Often you start to feel sick and then your fever spikes. Usually close to when it firsts hits, it’s the highest. This goes on for a bit, then it goes down a little, only to go back up, but this time not as high and not as long.

It keeps doing this, each time, the fever gets lower and lower. You also feel better in the spaces between them.

If you have created the conditions to allow your body to heal itself, you soon wake up one morning feeling fine. Maybe you feel a little weak, but it’s obvious the sickness has passed.

Heartbreak involves all of the systems in your body so it is more complex, but the idea is the same.

But just like a fever, you have to create the best conditions to allow this healing to happen.

Oh. Speaking of being ill. Depending on how fresh this pain is for you, in a real physical sense, you may be.

You’re on your way to recovery, but in the meantime, treat this as if you really are sick. Which means no binge drinking, crazy drugs or overeating.

Save those for a time you are mentally and physically fit. These will just mask over the pain, and inevitably make you feel worse afterwards while delaying the healing process.

Now on the other hand you don’t get to treat this as if you have the flu. Sitting around and watching television, playing video games and sleeping a lot are also just going to make things worse.

It’s a tough spot to be in, as now may be the time when it is the most tempting to do something…anything to distract yourself from the pain. It’s ironic, but now is the time you need all of those distractions to be healthy for you some way or another.

There is more to help you:

How To Heal A Broken Heart (Recovering From A Breakup)

Understanding Feelings Caused By A Breakup

Why Breaking Up Is So Painful (Tips For Men)

Stop Trying To Get Her Back (Breaking Up)

That is not all, there is more coming soon!