As far as I know, and as far as I have tested, there are three primar ways of shaping a woman. There may be more, but they are most likely variations or combinations of these three.

The very first step in all three methods is to figure out exactly what you want in a woman.

Remember these are behavioral traits and characteristics. You could put a physical characteristic like “Asian” on the list, but good luck getting a white woman to magically transform into one. (If you do, however get this to work, please let me know how you did it)

Your list should be short, concise and accurate.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should get too picky with this. Many guys claim to be picky, but really they are afraid of meeting women at all, and need a “too cool” excuse to cover up their fear.

changing fish

Make sure your standards are realistic, and what you truly want. You should keep it simple, and once you set your standards, you should stick to them firmly.

Now actually make a list of exactly what traits and characteristics you are looking for. Write them down. This will further reinforce them in your mind and actually increase the chances of you getting exactly what you want.

Shaping Methods:

1. Screening Questions and Setting Standards

The easiest and most direct way to shape a woman is to outright ask her if she has that characteristic and at the same time, imply the “correct” answer in the phrasing of your question.

For the sake of discussion, let’s say you are screening a woman with the intention of helping her to become more nurturing and supportive.

You could simply say “Have you ever been really supportive for a friend that needed it? When?”

You could also say “Do you consider yourself a supportive person?”

This shouldn’t feel like an interview process, but rather an easy relaxed question where you’re trying to get to know her better. Keep it light.

Notice that in both of the above questions, she will be likely to answer yes, since being nurturing and supportive is generally considered a good thing.

Now, even though people are generally good and strive to have positive qualities, the fact that you have gotten her to verbally commit to being a certain way will subconsciously motivate her to act in a way consistent with it in the future.

Also keep in mind that when you do this it sets a definite standard for the both of you to live up to. If you screen for her being independent, you better be independent as well, otherwise all of your shaping work will be for nothing.

how to change

You could even get more obvious in “weighting” your screen.

Consider this next example:

“Are you the type of person who is supportive of your friends, and helps them become better people, or are you the type to ignore their needs and leave them to rot?”

Of course that is an extreme example, and would have no use in a real pick-up (unless you did it in a humorous way), but just understand that you could ask questions that practically force her to answer a certain way.

Keep in mind that because this type of shaping is so direct, it may be uncomfortable if you just met a woman. Reserve this for only after she has already shown interest and committed to spending time with you and talking to you.

2. Social Leverage and Establishing Themes

Another very powerful motivator for shaping a woman’s behavior is through the use of “social leverage”.

This means that you are using other people in your social circle as examples and demonstrations for how people in your life behave and treat you.

This could mean ex-girlfriends, regular friends (male and female) family members and pretty much anyone who you have a relationship with that is not business-like in nature.

You will simply share a story of how one of your friends treats you a certain way or has some specific characteristic.

If you wanted a woman to live in the moment, you could talk about your friend Joe who you love hanging out with because he’s always up for anything and doesn’t worry too much about fear and consequences of life.

You could even go into detail about how one time you and Joe went on a road trip and didn’t tell anyone you were leaving… (Themes of spontaneity and risk are great for inspiring same day lays)

This may also take the form of real-life demonstrations of a person treating you this way.

If you go to the club with a group of friends, and they see that you respond to your friends showing you the utmost respect, then she will be motivated to do the same.

Needless to say, real life demonstrations are always much more powerful and authentic.

Think of this type of shaping as “Establishing Themes” that will carry throughout your interaction with a woman, far into the relationship.

a method for change

For example, early on, if you establish a theme of discretion, (in other words not talking to others about your sexual exploits together) then that theme will become an expectation even if you eventually get into a longterm relationship with her.

No matter what themes you talk about, they will exist throughout your interactions, and all of your behaviors will be filtered through them.

I cannot stress the importance of truly knowing what you want both from women and from your relationships.

3. Selective Observation and Warm Reading

The final method of shaping and by far the most powerful is to treat her as if she is already acting the way you want her to act.

This can be in the form of selective observations, compliments or interpreting behaviors of hers favorably.

When I say selective observation, I mean you are consciously selecting your observations of a woman so that they fit into the reality you are trying to create.

In other words, if you see a woman bringing a shirt back to the mall that she bought a few days ago and arguing with the salesperson for giving her the wrong size, you could observe the following things:

• She is frugal with her money and not wasteful

• She is easily upset and places blame on people irresponsibly

• She is assertive and gets what she wants

Selective observation means you pick and choose what you observe and report such that it reinforces the part of an otherwise multi dimensional event that is desirable to your reality.

So if you wanted to shape this woman into going after what she wants, you would pick the third one while ignoring everything else.

Warm reading is like cold reading except you are actually using some information (an observation similar to the one above) to make an “intuitive” guess about her personality. (Cold reading would be a read based on no information whatsoever)

Whenever someone makes a critical judgment on a person, that person really believes its true about them on a powerful subconscious level – whether they agree with the judgment or not.

Always choose what you observe and reinforce the things that make you happy.