A Complete Guide To Enhancing Your Personality And Improving Looks
Let’s begin with
Body language is a direct window into how we see ourselves internally. I can read anyone like a book based on their body language and the clothing that they wear. What we are striving for is an upright posture that evokes confidence and strength. Ever seen an Olympic athlete, wearing the gold medal, listening to his nation’s anthem? Or, notice film actors such as Russell Crowe or George Clooney. They all embody strong, powerful body language. These are great images to keep in mind as you begin to learn about your own body language, and what you can do to improve it. Try to pay attention to your body language throughout the day. Do your shoulders slouch? Do you lean your body forward a lot? If you can remember, try to notice how your body is positioned throughout the day, and begin to make adjustments towards better spinal alignment. You might even ask others for feedback on what their impression of you is, simply based on your posture. If you need to, seek help from a trainer or physical therapist to correct posture problems. Also, pilates and yoga are great for overall posture and flexibility.
Incidentally, it is much better to focus on your body language now rather that waiting for your next date. Try to form new habits when you are in low pressure situations. Then, when you are out having fun with a woman, you won’t need to even think about your posture.
Being an attractive man means being autonomous. The autonomous man has his life together and his look is polished. He radiates power and success, and is filled with confidence wherever he goes. There is no pretending about him, he is powerfully himself.
What to buy? How to buy?
I can already hear some of you guys out there shouting – “Yeah, it would be nice to go out and buy a bunch of sweet clothing, but I don’t have the money for that – getting a cool look costs an arm and a leg, so forget it!”. Most guys make the common mistake of thinking they need bags of money to look great. This is not entirely true. What is more valuable that loads of cash is some imagination and persistence. Let me explain…
First, you don’t have to go to Bergdorf or Barneys to look great. These stores certainly have a great selection of quality clothing, but with a little persistence, you can find great items at discount outlets, clearance sales, and second hand stores. These places offer designer fashions for sometimes less than you would pay for the generic labels you might be wearing right now! You would be amazed at what can be found at these places – clothes that you never thought you could afford for less than what you’ve been paying all along.
Look in your community and see if there are any discount outlet stores where you can shop. In New York we go to Filene’s Basement, Century 21, Daffy’s, DSW (Discount Show Warehouse) and Marshalls. Also, many cities have entire outlet malls that offer good deals. On the web you could go to bluefly.com, yoox.com, or even eBay (that’s right – eBay!) to find stylish, discount clothing. There are also many tailors on the internet where you can send in your measurements and get custom shirts for less than $80 each. Examples are Jantzentailor.com, mytailor.com, and landsend.com. By far the best deals you will find are in vintage clothing shops or second-hand thrift stores. Although these places require a little more persistence as you dig through the piles of clothing. Keep in mind that the deals to be found will make up for it.
Ideally, you want to go for higher quality goods, not quantity (while staying within your budget). Something of higher quality will last in the long run and be cheaper if you value the piece as cost-per-wear. For example, if you buy a well made coat for $500 and you wear it often over a few years, it will end up being cheaper than a coat for $150 that you will need to replace in two years’ time. Be a discerning shopper and limit impulse buys. When you buy an article of clothing see it as an investment that you will wear for a few years.
Now that you know how to shop and where to shop, the only obstacle left is choosing what you wish to buy. This will take some effort and imagination from you individually, as each guy is different, with unique tastes and proportions. Each of you has a different vibe, which should directly impact your style and look. I can’t give you a specific answer on what to buy, because you will all end up looking the same. However, as you begin the process of enhancing your wardrobe, remember the three guiding principles I covered earlier to help you with your choices. As a reminder, they are:
1) Does it help me feel more powerful and confident?
2) Will it help me achieve the aims I strive for in my life?
3) Does it work for my body-type and personality?
These are great to use when making decisions about potential purchases, and combinations as well as when considering overall themes you wish to embody. They also help to save you from any whimsical, emotionally charged purchases destined to ruin both your wardrobe and your wallet.
Incidentally, a great reference for contemporary styles is men’s fashion magazines. These will not only show you the current season’s offerings from designers, they will also show you how to wear the clothes and how to mix and match them together. After a while your eye for what looks good will sharpen, and you’ll know exactly what looks good on you and what does not. Some good ones are GQ, Esquire and Men’s Vogue.
Before I conclude this chapter, lets cover some of the basics on hair styles, grooming and cologne.
On the topic of hair styles, it is baffling to see guys dress cool and simultaneously have blatantly boring and cheap haircuts. I know guys that will spend over $100 on a shirt, and only $10 on a haircut. Obviously something isn’t right…
What I do from time to time is go all out and use the best hairstylist in town. I found one in New York City where 90% of their business is cutting the hair of models for photo shoots. Do you think they know what is contemporary, and what looks the best? These stylists have to be up-to-date on the latest trends, and will give you a great haircut that accentuates your best facial features. Whenever I am considering a new style for myself, I go to this salon. It does cost more money, but I always walk away with a fresh style that works. For the next few cuts I will go to a place that charges a quarter of the price, keeping the same style that I received at the more expensive salon. This is a great way to be fashionable on a tight budget.
If you are looking for ideas, check out some magazines and soap operas – that’s right, soap operas. These are a great resource for current hair styles, as they are designed to appeal to the women who watch them…
Making a strong visual impression not only requires being well dressed, but also being well groomed. I have already covered haircuts, but what about the rest of your body?
Be sure to keep the rest of your body hair in check. This advice is critical, regardless of how good looking you are, or how much of a smooth talker you may be. Poor grooming will reduce your chances with women. You would be surprised at how many guys are clueless when it comes to good grooming habits.
At the very least, you must trim your nose hairs once a week, trim your fingernails once a week, and toenails once every two weeks. If you have ear hair, the same thing, trim them once a week. Make sure to trim any chest hair sticking out of the collar of any crew-neck shirts you might wear. For you guys with one big eyebrow, cut it in half! Go to a salon to get it done if you must. If your look is clean-cut, be sure to keep your facial hair neat and trimmed every day. Make the extra effort and you will go a long way to improving and enhancing your image.
Also, it is important for the health and appearance of your hair and skin to purchase products that are specific to you. For example, if you have naturally dry hair buy a shampoo and conditioner made especially for dry hair. If you have oily skin, buy a toner or face wash that corrects that.
The best, or “right” fragrance for you is based on your individual preference, as well as what works for your “type”.
Your “type” in the area of cologne and fragrance is found in the chemical make-up of your skin. How good a fragrance smells on you is a result of the chemical mixture between the fragrance and the oils in your skin. Smelling tester cards at Sephora and magazine fold-outs will tell you close to nothing about a fragrance. You must wear the fragrance to truly know its scent on you.
Some fragrances might turn sour when mixed with your oils, while others might turn sweet. The key is to find a fragrance that smells great on your skin throughout the day. So, how do we do this?
The best way to go about choosing a scent that works for you is to get free samples.
Most men don’t realize that all department stores and fragrance shops have tons of free samples on hand. All you have to do is ask for them.
To get an idea of what you would like, you have to know what type of scent you are looking for. The 4 main families of colognes are:
As a rule, men should have two fragrances: one for special occasions and one for daily use. For the nighttime, I suggest a heavier, woodsy scent like Jean Paul Gaultier, Le Male. And for everyday use, wear something light and refreshing like Polo Sport.
When you are in the store, start by smelling a few of the tester cards to see which fragrances you would like to try. Then select 3 to 4 to take home to sample. Test them out over an entire day and see how it works with your skin. Be wary if it fades quickly or turns sour. Hopefully, the scent will smell better when worn. Periodically check your skin to see how strong the fragrance is, as endurance is key. Nothing is worse than dropping $75 on cologne that fades away before you even step out of your house.
Ultimately, you have to be satisfied with your choice. If you have any questions, or want a second opinion, feel free to ask the other shoppers. They will most likely be female, and it just might lead to an interesting conversation.
The most powerful sense that we have is the sense of smell. Memories, and their entire emotional palette, can be triggered by the sense memory of smell. If you can create lasting, positive emotions in a woman, and connect those with a scent, she will forever remember those wonderful emotions when re-experiencing that smell. Do you realize now how important it is that you consider your scent with intelligence? It can only help you, and why not give life your best shot?
Looking your best should be something that you try for all the time, everyday. Think of each day as a new opportunity to meet someone new, you would want to look your best, right? Truthfully, we never know when we are going to meet someone new. Who knows when you will feel inspired to strike up a conversation with a stranger or be introduced to a potential romantic interest? You need to be prepared.
Everything about your look represents a choice you have made. If you wear only denim, that is a choice. If you always wear a coat and tie, that is a choice. If you pay no attention to your uni-brow and leave it on your forehead, that is a choice! If you take a conscious approach to your look, your impression on others will improve greatly. You will be seen as someone who cares about themselves, and who takes responsibility for their appearance. Remember the idea of security, and its value to women? Can you see how paying attention to these details dramatically helps to convey this? Project your “best” into the world, and it will return to you.