How you make her self-conscious. “Are you French?”

In this kind of method the correct way of moving close to your target is to approach her from her side, not frontally.

We have in our brain automatic survival mechanisms which will have us feel a frontal approach done by a stranger as threatening.

For women this will be even more real than for men as they are physically weaker. Women are for that reason usually more concerned about their own safety.

At the beginning it is much better you learn to approach a women her very fast as you spot her. There is a difference in approaching women during the day and approaching women at night.

Later on when – you have more experience – you can evaluate her longer in order to decide if you like her before you approach.

If you want to evaluate her you have to be able to look at her without her noticing it.

You should never stare at her neither show any kind of interest.

There is also another pick-up method called direct approach, which is totally different compared to the approach we learn here.

In that kind of approach you are going to even open her frontally and count on your self-confidence as a way to attract her.

The approach we use in the method described in this article is indirect.

The direct approach screens for totally different women than the ones you will get with this method.

As a rule: when you switch from a pick-up method to another what you are basically doing is at the same time to screen for different girls.

Not all the girls respond to every method. Some girls respond to a certain method. Other girls respond to another method.

With this method there are a few reasons for approaching her from the side and not staring at her.

In this kind of approach what distinguishes you from the other guys is that you are basically never really “hitting on her” at any step from the pick-up venue to the seduction venue.

At the same time you will be eliciting strong feminine emotions with your words and your presence. I describe later on how to attract her by using female talk.

To understand why you need to approach from the side and without staring at her realize this: the more a woman is beautiful and gorgeous the more she is approached by guys all the time.

Those guys usually have a very bad game; they say stupid things like “What beautiful eyes you have!” Or even worse: “Would you like to have that with me tonight?”

This has women be in a constant state of alert.

They have the radar on all the time. They are all the time prepared for the next guy telling something stupid and trying to hit on them.

Think how you would feel if women would stare at you  all the day long! After a while you would be so angry or bored to wish them all the kind of bad things or even punch them in the eye!

Being hit on happens to them so often that they are used to shoot guys down on autopilot.

It is about the same like what would happen to you if you would have women staring at your dick everywhere: in the bus, the metro, in the restaurants and so on.

After a while you would become so good in shooting the girls down that you would do it on autopilot.


It would be a situation of inflation of the offer.

You would shoot girls down without even thinking about it. It would be like eating chocolate all the time: you would start to hate chocolate after a while.

Now this inflation of the male demand for that thing has women to act on prejudice.

They simply do not have the time to be fair: it would take so much time from them that they would become overloaded.

They are in a state of alert and they assume that the next guy coming close to them will be:

A frustrated idiot who does not know how to approach women in the right way.

A guy who wants them.

There are some advantages in doing pick-up in certain venues like food stores or fashion shops. Those are places where women expect the less to be hit on by guys.

When you do the same thing in bars and clubs they are much more alert and prone to shoot you down fast if you do not have the time to show enough value to them in the short time between the opening and starting a real conversation with them.

So when you are in the pick-up venue – for example a bookstore or a food market – when you see your target act like this:

If you want to screen her more put yourself in a position that she does not see you like for example behind her.

When you decide to approach you can walk slowly close to her so that you come to her side. Don’t go too close: there is a special “sixth sense” for proximity in primates.

You should be close enough to be able to start the opening but not too close.

Look somewhere else when getting close.

If she sees you staring at her while you come close to her, her autopilot “let’s shoot this guy down” will activate in seconds.

You should never stare at her neither direct your sight to her direction at any stage before the approach so that she notices it.

If you do it she will think:”Another idiot coming to hit on me!” and you are done.

By doing this you will come in under her radar.

When you are close to her left or right side browse the books or food items like she is doing.

When you are ready to approach turn the neck slowly towards her and say what you have to say.

If she does not hear you because of being concentrated into reading or whatever reason raise your little bit your voice.

Raising your voice is very effective. You come out as very self-confident and that will suck her in.

Don’t exaggerate of course.

If in spite of raising your voice she does not answer eject promptly at this stage already and get to the next girl.

This usually means that she noticed your approach and is using the mean of not answering as a tool to betaise you or that her level of self-confidence is so low so that she has not the guts of talking to a total stranger.

She either is paranoid, suspicious or has some big reason for not wanting to talk to anyone.

Pushing more would bring you nowhere: the precondition for you going on with the pick-up is her answering to you.

When you do like this your total waste of time is not more than a couple of minutes in the case she is not answering or too shy to stand a conversation with a stranger.

In that time you decide are you going forward basing on her non verbal response or are you approaching the next girl.

Girls with a great personality and without problems will be open to you. They will smile and answer your questions and that will give you a few minutes to do your pick-up.

They will usually get eye contact with you and be fair and polite to you.

What you will do to put her defenses down so that you can start your pickup will be in this kind of method: making her self-conscious.

You will use cold reading.

Some times before using cold reading you might want to use a softener.

The “softener is like a Trojan horse: you ask politely the “permissionu of asking her a question.

Anyway the risk with the softener is that she may interpret it as you being supplicant to her and a nice guy.

The softener should be not used in all the cases: only if you “sense it is proper due to her shyness. The majority of the girls will not mind you cold reading them.

Softeners are like these ones and you can use them before you ,go for the cold read.

Anyway in my game starting from the cold read just works fine and the majority of the girls answers to it politely without any problem.

Cold reading refers here to a technique by which you influence a woman and direct her thinking and her emotions in a certain direction.

In the phase of the opening you will use this to:

1. Make her self-conscious.

2. Elicit her vanity.

The process of making her self-conscious means putting her in a state of awareness in regard to herself and her identity.

Why would you make a woman self-conscious?

Because when she is in that state her defenses become weaker. When she has her defenses down it will be for you easier to direct her towards your goal.

Let’s imagine that you are very relaxed and paying attention to your surroundings in a big supermarket and the fellow guy close to you asks: “Sorry, are you the director of this department?” this is something which surely makes you self-conscious.

If the question or comment contains something about you or your personality like: ” Are you a doctor?” ,”” Are you from Las Vegas?”, “Are you the staff of this store?”

That makes you self-conscious.

You start to think about the most important thing for you in your world: yourself.

You will promptly cease paying attention to what you were doing and focus on yourself and your own reaction.

From there you are self-conscious and highly sensitive to being influenced.

I have asked black girls or Japanese girls with black hair the question: “Are you Italian?” and still succeeded in closing them.

Some of them laughed but I had them convinced that they looked like Italians and at the end of my approach they actually believed it.

Some smarter girl will laugh when you will ask your question and notice what you are doing but you will be able anyway to make her self-conscious.

The only group which will be able to resist this will be girls who tend to be suspicious.

They will relate with suspect to whatever you will say and they will not respond to cold read.

Simply drop these ones without a second thought. They usually mean trouble in a way or another! A person who lacks of a basis sense of trust is always a problem for the people around.

You can recognize the suspicious ones by the fact that they will try to control their inner state when you do the cold read. You will “sense” that they are trying to control themselves.

Cold reading works well because it is based on target’s need for subjective validation.

Subjective validation is also sometimes called the “personal validation effect” because it refers to a process by which people accept some claim or phenomenon as valid based solely upon a few personal experiences and/or subjective perception.

Women are extremely sensitive to validation in general because in our culture their social power has been for centuries based on that.

So what will happen in the mind of majority of the women when you will ask “Are you French?”, “or “Are you Italian?” will be that they will feel validated by you.

Notice: you have to do this with such a non verbal attitude that she feels subjectively validated and so that she cannot tell are you interested in her!

If you telegraph interest you loose part of the magic connected with this method.

The trick consists in making her feel self conscious without displaying interest.

So when you turn your neck you say in a calm and relaxed way:”Are you French?” or:” Are you Italian?”

If you feel that she is shy or reserved try to use the softener. That will make for her easier to open up to you.

At this point you should pay attention not only to what she answers but also and especially to her non verbal reaction: does she blush? Does she giggle? Does she feel validated by the questions and become happy?

As said before if at this point you notice the following non verbal reactions:

She does not answer in spite of you repeating the question with a louder voice.

She seems to be unable for a very strong shyness of even opening her mouth.

She walks away like she would be scared in spite of you getting closer very slowly, from the side and in a non threatening way.

Eject these girls and get to the next one!

This means that you simply quit with the approach and go to open another girl. In the above cases going forward would not bring any results and possibly only trouble.

The most frequent response you will get from the majority of the girls will be that they will answer to you, some of them will be flattered, some other will laugh, some others will engage in conversation with you, some other will giggle.

These ones are the good ones to pick-up and seduce!

The sequence usually goes like this: I move close to the target, browse some book or evaluate some food in front of me, turn slowly my neck towards her – while keeping the rest of the body in the same position.

Then I say:

“Are you French?”

I smile and otherwise behave in a polite, non threatening way. At this point it does not matter anymore what she answers.

If she says:” yes!” you get to the next step which is:

Martin: “I knew it, I felt that you are French!”

Of course unless she is really French she will say: ” No, I am not French”

At this point – especially if she blushes mildly like a person who is flattered by the question or if she laughs or says like many do: “Oh I will take this as a compliment!” – you have a wonderful first step to escalate the pick-up.

As this is a cold read what you did was to make her selfconscious. She is probably thinking now what makes her look like a French or Italian woman.

At this point you have her engaged in a conversation with you with a:

“Very, very strange, you look like a French girl, just like from Paris. Have you ever been in Paris?”

She will say: “Yes/no/whatever. ”

If the girl is denying that she looks French or Italian you might want to say something like this:

“Very, very strange. You know: I was last week in Paris and I saw many, many people just looking like you! It is amazing!”

Don’t say “girl” say “people” and you will appear more random and neutral, disinterested in her as a woman.

You need to come out as totally sincere when you say this. Insert some emotionality and a sincere feeling of interest for her and her personality when you say this.

At this point don’t make the mistake of starting to talk about her too much.

The cold read will be the last thing you will say about her.

Write this down: after the cold read you will not make the mistake of asking her any other question about her and her personality because this is what the AFCs – average frustrated chums – do to her all the day long!

Here you simply came unseen under her radar and had her engaged into a conversation.This is the mistake many guys with no experience in pick-up would do: start to interview her about herself which would again make her sniff about their intentions.

Interviewing her about herself is exactly what all the other AFCs have tried every single time they were hitting on her: you should know better.

AFCs ask stupid questions like:

“What’s your name?”

“I like your eyes”

“What do you do here?”

Don’t do this!

She will sniff under seconds that you are trying to hit on her and shoot you down on autopilot.

Another very negative aspect of this AFC way of talking to a woman is that it makes of her the Prize.

You want to be the Prize to a woman: that is what attracts women to you.

On the contrary at this point you need to do two things:

1. Switch for a while from male talk to female talk. I am going to show you how to do this.

2. Start to talk about yourself and what you feel and think.

This is highly arousing for her. Women like people who “open up” about their own feelings and emotions.

At this point if you asked: “Are you French?” you start to give her a sample of female talk about something connected with France, for example Paris – or whatever other subject you wish.

If she is brown haired and you opened with “Are you Italian?” you repeat the above but you ask her if she has been in Rome – or whatever other subject you like.

She will answer yes/no and when she will do that you will switch to female talk (Next Article).

At a certain point during this conversation you will introduce yourself.

Introducing yourself is very, very important! Never forget to introduce yourself. That will make her feel like you have known each other already since long time.

A few minutes before you were total strangers and by introducing yourself you will make her feel like you would have been friends since longer.

At that point I usually look into her eyes, smile and give her a warm: “Nice to know you, I am Martin.”

At this point you can test her responsiveness by keeping her hand longer than necessary. If she does not take it away keep it for as long as you can.

This will be the first prolonged physical contact with her – in the technical language of pick-up and seduction that is: kino.

This will start to make her feel emotionally and physically connected with you.

We hope you enjoyed reading this, you might also like reading how to start conversations with women.

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