There are a couple of things when it comes to developing self-confidence. Do you want it quick and cheap, or do you want it real and lasting? Because there‟s an old saying: “Fake it until you make it,” and you can fake being confident until you actually feel confident.

The idea is if you pretend you‟re confident, eventually you will be. I don‟t really subscribe to that method too much, but it can work. So a quick and dirty method of faking it is listening to music that gets me pumped up and excited. Music is one of the few things on this planet that actually has a powerful influence over people‟s emotions. If you listen to a piece of music that really gets you pumped up, you can feel really good and go out there and be ready to tackle the world, so that‟s just a quick way to change your emotional state, because all confidence is, is a calm and assertive emotional state.

When it comes to actual confidence though, when it comes to actually changing the way you look at the world, that‟s a little bit different. There‟s no quick fix to that. It actually takes a lot of work and self-introspection. Like for those people out there who don‟t know what I look like. I like to say I look like Tony Soprano‟s love child. I‟m 6‟1. I‟m overweight. I‟m bald. I don‟t think I‟m a very attractive man, but I have pretty good success with women and that‟s simply because I have developed my confidence to a point where I don‟t care about all the stuff that‟s holding me back.

One of the things you have to realize is that most people, they don‟t care about your insecurities. They‟re not going to pick up on them unless you make them really obvious, so most of the time the only person who has a problem with the way you look or the way you act or whatever is you.

You need to find out all the things that are keeping you from feeling that wonderfully self-empowering feeling of self-confidence and get rid of them. And the only way you can do that is by dealing with the root cause. When I was starting out, I was really doing a lot of self-work because I was very insecure. I was very down on myself. I would wake up every morning, look in the mirror and think, “Oh God, you‟re fat, you‟re ugly. No girl is going to like you.”

And every time I did that that was just reinforcing all the bad stuff that I had in my head about me. And when people told me good stuff about myself, I never believed them because I had basically convinced myself through repetition that all these bad things outweighed the good things. So I had to make that switch. I had to start looking in the mirror in the morning and saying, “Hey, you know you‟ve got great eyes. You‟ve got a great smile. You‟re funny. You‟re smart.”

I basically started picking out all the stuff about me that was good and when you start focusing on the good stuff and you start figuring out what the bad stuff is that‟s holding you back, you can create a mechanism where you move away from the bad stuff and you move towards the good stuff.

One of the things really helped me was listing all the things I was insecure about. I started thinking about what I like to call the root causes – basically the things that trigger why you feel that way. For instance, “Why do I care if I‟m overweight? Like what does it matter?” Well, I feel bad about it because when I was like in the 3rd grade the girl I like teased me about being fat. And when you realize what triggers those insecurities, it takes away a lot of their power. You realize, “Wow! Like I developed that insecurity and the reason behind why I did is no longer valid.”

So that‟s basically how I recommend people go about developing self-confidence – doing it the slow and methodical way in which they actually deal with their issues. They deal with their insecurities and they train themselves to feel comfortable with good feelings about themselves and they really start moving away from the bad feelings and towards the good feelings because if you don‟t like yourself, guess what? Women aren‟t going to like you either, because people judge us based on how we judge ourselves. And if even someone agrees with your insecurities, if your state of mind is more powerful than theirs, it doesn‟t matter because you can just either block them out of your life or get them to come over to your way of thinking.

Watch the following video fore more cool tips to build confidence.