Most of you reading this article are currently experiencing difficulty in meeting new women. This can be very frustrating, and damaging to our lifestyle, confidence and self-esteem. Most men experience a lack of choice with women in their lives leaving them very dissatisfied. They typically feel that the women they date have selected them as potential partners. Most men don’t feel they own the power to choose as well. They lack options, and they lack real experience which leads to knowing what they want. Ideally, both the man and a woman choose to be in a relationship for the right reasons. A wrong reason would be – “because no one else was available”. Does this sound like you? Wouldn’t you like to change this?

Our clientele consists of interesting, intelligent, motivated, cool guys. However, put an attractive woman in front of any of them, and he loses any and all sense of who he is. His knees quickly turn to jell-o, and smoke starts coming out of his ears. This is the guy who asks a myriad of questions as he struggles for air, just to keep the interaction alive, while the girl continually checks her watch, seeking a quick and easy escape.

system for metting women

Personally, I have failed many times with trying to meet women, until I came up with a simple, three-step plan. This plan gives you a structure that allows you to display your personality to a woman in a way that is smooth and interesting. It eliminates the “creepy” factor, while giving you ample opportunity to connect with her so that she is comfortable in seeing you again on a date. This structure alleviates nervousness and discomfort, increasing your chances of success. It also reduces the stress level in your brain which continually screams, “What am I supposed to say?” These three steps are:

1) Engage
2) Hook
3) Connect

Let’s cover engage for now and we will cover the rest in next posts, and I will include within it an actual conversation I had with a woman recently here in a New York City bookstore. This will illustrate each step in the process.

Engage

Seems simple enough, right? Just, begin the conversation. But, you have to do it the right way. Understand the environment you are in, and play at the edges of the social norms (for example, talking to a stranger is outside of the social norm). Begin the conversation with a light tease, a flirtatious comment, a humorous remark, or just something simple, such as:

ME (in the poetry aisle of a bookstore): “Deep down, I really hate poetry. But, funny enough, I find myself back here in the poetry aisle over and over and over again.”

HER: “Oh really…?”

ME: “Yeah, I feel there is some part of me that thinks it can conquer poetry, if I just read enough, I will unlock the secrets of the poem. I guess I am attracted by challenge.”

This is an actual example from my life, and it definitely worked. Notice how I assume rapport from the beginning. My voice, body, energy all indicate to her that I am comfortable and relaxed. This helps me not to signal to her that something is “up”, or that I am trying to “pick her up”. The implication is that I am a chatty guy, and she is the closest person to me. That is the only reason I have started talking with her. So, assume rapport from the beginning. Talk to her as if she is a friend already. If you are able to lead by being comfortable from the beginning, she will be more likely to relax and open up to the conversation too.

Also, notice how simple the comment is. By using the immediate environment, it brings us together because we are both in the poetry section of the store, and I am not asking a bunch of boring and invasive personal questions. By speaking about my experience, and by paying attention to her reactions, I was able to lead her into a conversation. Just keep it simple and light. Adding in humor makes this step even more effective. Incidentally, I dated this woman for some time after engaging her with the above.

I particularly enjoy this type of opening, as it is not scripted. Later in this chapter, I will cover environmental/situational approaches like this. I do advocate “lines” as a way to engage, but if you are able to create something on the spot – that is far better. Why? It is more organic, which helps you be more natural. This automatically leads to a more alive interaction. Also, “lines” tend to sound scripted, contrived and artificial, which lower your chances of actually opening the conversation. Women are naturally turned-off by pre-scripted lines. They tend to signal that a guy can’t simply be in the moment, and begin a conversation naturally. Often, they will sound too good and women will respond with “good line”. There is a huge stigma out there about “lines”, as they are usually used by guys only seeking sex. If you really find something interesting about the woman, use that as a way to engage her in conversation. If not, why do you want to talk to her?

If you are nervous about beginning a conversation with a woman, feel free to use a prescripted line or question. I never counsel a guy to rely too much upon lines, but sometimes a guy needs to learn to approach a woman first, and then how to have a natural conversation. Trying is always better than not trying. Think of these pre scripted lines as training wheels. As you get better at socializing with women, drop them. Going forward, I am going to show you many examples of ways to begin a conversation with a woman. You are welcome to use these, but only as a means to an end. These are training wheels only. Their value is only in learning the skill that they illustrate.

You Might also want to read How To Become A True Alpha.