Advice On Attitude And Inner Game For Pickup Artists
The Ethics of Seduction Techniques.
When I started to study pick-up and seduction, a big dilemma I had was whether what I was undertaking was RIGHT. I felt a little dishonest, dare I say SLEAZY, about the whole idea of using “tricks” to improve my chances with women. I also felt like less of a “real man” in seeing I had to resort to them. I realized eventually that such moral dilemmas would have to be worked out in order for me to be congruent, and have any success in the field at all. From what I’ve seen most of the guys out there are decent, moral people with a conscience, so I think that a lot of people in this game have at some point or another felt this way. I’d like to lay out the thinking that got me over this dilemma, in the hopes that anyone else struggling with the same problem might be able to iron out this kink in their inner game.
First of all, realize that there’s nothing wrong with having to learn tactics to meet and seduce women. Most men are absolutely CLUELESS in this area, and it’s not entirely their fault. A lot of this has to do with being raised by our mothers, as well as the tendency of men not to seek out help or advice. Women, on the other hand, grow up reading Seventeen magazine and YM, watching soaps, and focusing more on interpersonal relationships than men. By the time they’re adults they have a whole array of techniques and strategies to tease, hook, and trap a man. They become MASTERS (mistresses?) of manipulation of the opposite sex. Until the Internet resources we enjoy became available and known, men didn’t have anything like Cosmo or Sex In The City to teach them the finer points of meeting and choosing a mate. So the fact that you’re learning techniques to be able to deal with their expertise on their level doesn’t make you less of a man; it just means that you’re catching up to their extensive experience, and leveling the playing field.
Another important step is to remove from your mind any negative connotations with the idea of manipulation. (Credit to Ross Jeffries for getting me thinking about this issue). I believe that all human beings require SOME level of manipulation! Advertising tries to manipulate us to buy soft drinks and the latest clothes. You try to manipulate your friends to go see the movie that YOU want to see. The act of manipulation (and the technology/techniques we use in our case to do it) is morally NEUTRAL; it’s just the context under which it’s done which makes it good or bad. For example, a salesman manipulates you into buying a product, which is his job. You’re happy with the product you bought, and he’s happy with the commission he made. Where’s the harm?
You may also have a problem assuming the techniques and the seduction mindset into your personality, thinking that the methods just aren’t YOU and that it presents a “fake” you. Consider this: Let’s say you’re an engineer. Were you an engineer from birth? Of course not. You had to study math and the sciences in high school, and then pursue higher education to get an engineering degree. It took years but now, YOU are an engineer! And so it is with seduction. If you continue learning new material and field-testing it, eventually it’ll become YOU. Realize also that a woman out on the town in flashy, skin-tight clothes and painstakingly-applied makeup is NOT “her”. “Her” is the girl who 5 hours earlier was standing in front of her mirror miserable and panicking because she was having a bad hair day. The heels, the make-up, the confident air, ALL of these are tools to make herself appear more attractive to the opposite sex. So don’t feel guilty or awkward when using “personality tools” of your own to achieve the same result.
Most importantly, if you value yourself and your life as being important in the grand scheme of things (and you SHOULD, since it’s YOUR life), then you should also believe that you deserve the very best that life has to offer. This includes finding the very best MATE that you can find. If learning seduction techniques and applying them can improve your chances of meeting the best woman for you out there, then mastering them is one of the noblest undertakings of your life.
The Stigma of the Pick-Up Artist.
The words “Pick-Up Artist”, “Getting picked up”, “A quick pick-up”, etc all have a NEGATIVE stigma attached to them. The implication is that they’re something sneaky or dishonest about approaching women with the intention of meeting them, and that any man that does this is obviously a sleaze ball. The word “seduction” also has a negative connotation as well, somewhat along the lines of “conning” a woman into sleeping with you. Lastly, there’s the word “Player”, denoting a man who plays games with women’s hearts to get them into bed.
Before you do anything else, you MUST remove from your mind any negative stigmas attached to these concepts. These stigmas are total bullshit, stuff left over from more prudish times when women were chaste and men were seen as being up to no good, trying to “deflower” the poor, poor, victim/woman.
Let’s be clear here: Although the word “pick-up artist/PUA” or “picking up” is used throughout this guide, to “pick up” someone, is to MEET them. People have been meeting their mates in one way or another since the human race began. In almost all cases it involved one or both of the parties sticking their neck out to meet and form a connection. Now of course, there are exceptions. It’s nice that your uncle met his wife because they sat together in a college class, or that a beautiful woman accidentally spilled coffee on your friend and they’re now happily married, but this is rare. Out of all the women on the planet, what do you think the REAL chances are that you’ll meet your perfect mate completely by chance? Not good at all (although Hollywood movies and Oprah will have you believe otherwise).
In fact, the “pick-up artist” deserves MORE respect than someone who “stumbled onto his wife”. The pick-up artist, the one relentlessly and fearlessly approaching women, meeting a LOT of people and forming a LOT of connections, is actively making an effort at finding the right woman for him (or at least building a skill set so that he knows what to do when he finds her). He’s grabbing his cojones and going out on the hunt. In caveman times this guy would be the one dragging a buffalo home for supper every night, while the rest would wait for an old buffalo to fall over dead at their feet.
The word “seduction” also has a negative stigma, most likely because of the outdated beliefs in feminine chastity. The truth is that women WANT to be seduced. It’s up to the man to take the lead, and up to the woman to playfully resist and throw up obstacles, and give in if the man is successful in demonstrating his value to her. It’s part of courtship, and always will be.
As for the word “player”, granted there are men out there who “play” women, as in con them into bed through lies and false promises. But just as fish have their mating dances, peacocks have their displays, and elk have their masculine posturing, humans have their own courtship rituals. The slang for these rituals is “The Game”, and everyone out to meet a mate is technically a “player” in the game. Women play games all the time, but it’s not malicious— they’re just playing their part in that courtship ritual. We men need to play the game too, and this doesn’t necessarily involve breaking a woman’s heart or tricking her. It just means playing our role in the courtship ritual with our own techniques and knowledge of the rules.
As with any social situation, it all comes down to this: Be fair in your dealings with people, and you’ll be beyond reproach. Don’t let a silly label make you feel guilty.