Are You Afraid Of Getting Rejected By Women? PUA Gurus Help
Welcome to yet another post in which various top dating experts will be sharing their thoughts and ideas with you.
It’s funny that you should mention this because I really don’t give a shit about inner game or confidence. I think that this is something that you could do without inner game. Let me illustrate this with an example of a former roommate that I had many years back. He was one of the most self-loathing, disgusting, and self-destructive, suicidal guys. And yet at the same time this guy got laid more than everybody I know. How? He just had those fundamental skills that it takes to get laid. So really here is what you need to do. You need to get those solid fundamentals (down) that allow you to seduce women quickly and that confidence that comes in reverse.
As far as rejection, keep it at the point where you just assign a different meaning to it. Instead of looking at her rejecting you, think “Well, I’m screening her out for X, Y and Z factors.” So it’s about restructuring things in your head and how you interpret them.
Richard La Ruina
I‟ve trained thousands of guys and I can see that it is a mindset thing that separates the guys who don‟t get fazed by rejection from the ones that do. And it‟s very simple. They‟re just looking to move one step at a time from where they are to where they want to be. So I could go out, when I‟ve never done pick up before, and I might find that maybe only one in ten girls stops and I could view that as a failure. Or I could go out and I could have ten conversations where I don‟t get any numbers and I could view that as a failure.
But the guys who are really are unfazed by rejection see the process as one of constant improvement. That means that first you should give yourself a pat on the back that you‟re just approaching, and then you give yourself some praise for getting into conversations. Then you get the numbers, but they will flake. So just recognizing that you are in a process and that you‟ll be happy as long as you‟re moving in the right direction and can see progress. That‟s the first thing about rejection. And I think as you start to get results, various other mental shifts happen.
So, one of the things that separate the good guys, the guys that really do well with women, is that they don‟t give too much value to a stranger‟s opinion of them. So if I go on the street now and I try to talk to a woman and she‟s not interested, I don‟t take it as personal reflection on me. She‟s only had a very, very short time to judge me and who says that her opinion is sound? She probably chooses terrible guys and makes really bad decisions. So that‟s something that really comes from experience.
I‟ve got something I‟m going to drop on you. It‟s going to become like a bomb for some of these guys right up front, but I think rejection is a myth. I don‟t think rejection exists. I think rejection is something we invent in our own minds to keep us from being successful with women. And you‟re going to say to yourself, “Well, how in the world can you possibly think rejection is a myth that doesn‟t exist? I get rejected by women all the time.” Just because you set yourself up to feel rejection from women isn‟t to actually be rejected by women.
Let‟s put it this way, you can go to a McDonald‟s. You can order fast food and you can get your fast food, and people aren‟t going to say “No, go away,” and throw their Coke at you when you order. You can go to the bank and deposit some money and everything will be cool. You can talk to the ticket agent at an airport. You can talk to a flight attendant when you‟re on the plane, and things will generally go well. You can go to business meetings, and people aren‟t going to tell you that you‟re a loser and get out of their face.
Yet, when we get in front of a beautiful woman, what do we do? We put ourselves in a position where we pre-approve her. We are thinking, “Gosh, she‟s so beautiful. If we could just get with her, then well, you know, life would be just hunky-dory. Everything would be fantastic. She‟s got to be my dream woman because she‟s just so darn beautiful.” So because we‟ve already pre-approved her, it becomes a contest instead of a conversation. It‟s not a contest. It‟s not a competition, guys. It‟s just a conversation. You don‟t really know whether you‟re going to really like what‟s under the hood, above and beyond that pretty face, when you go and talk to her. You don‟t know that anymore than she knows whether she‟s going to be compatible with you or not. None of us are going to be compatible with everyone. None of us are going to be everyone else‟s type.
Therefore, when you go and talk to a beautiful women, you‟ve got to remember, guys, she‟s another human being just like you. She‟s got feelings. She‟s got wants. She‟s got needs. She‟s going to be able to get along with you or she‟s not. This isn‟t about you being accepted or rejected. It‟s about you connecting with another human being and seeing what‟s there. She can‟t reject you unless you pre-approve her first. Rejection is a myth.
You don’t get over rejection. I think the big problem is that guys are looking to find a way to not get rejected and the real problem is that you’re going to get rejected somewhat, especially when you’re approaching strangers. Sometimes you’re going to remind her of the guy who raped her, and sometimes you’re going to have blood that chemically is bad with hers. Rejection is an element of the game, so instead of seeking to get over being afraid of it, you’ve got to just accept it – understand that it’s a part of it and that every rejection actually leads you closer to success.