Common Fashion And Style Mistakes To Avoid
let’s look at the some common mistakes that guys make when it comes to style, and how they can be avoided. We’ll use as an example a hypothetical guy who has no sense of style (let’s call him Mr. Unstylish). To personify Mr. Unstylish, I am going to breakdown some of his habits and thought processes.
Mr. Unstylish has 8 reoccurring tendencies in his personality:
Style Mistake #1: He often is dirty looking or poorly groomed.
“I didn’t shower this morning, so what?”
The interesting thing about comfort zones is that people who are dirty or poorly groomed rarely even notice it. They think it is normal to not take a shower in the morning, and they rarely are conscious of the trail of dust they leave behind from their dandruff in the office.
What you should do instead: Remember: Clean Cut. If you want to get other people to respect you, you have to start by respecting yourself. Make sure to take the time every day to groom and clean yourself.
Style Mistake #2: He tries to fit in.
“But we’re not supposed to wear shorts in class”
Normal folks have a way of “fitting in.” Khakis, plaid shirts, normal T-shirts—all of these inhibit a guy from standing out from the crowd. Even in a bar, most guys fade into the background. In different environments, most people conform to the status quo. This happens in the office, and even within campuses and bars. Interestingly, most of us have been programmed to fit-in since we were young, and it is often unconscious.
Having worked at two startups, a management consulting firm and technology firm, I can honestly say that most office workers dress very much alike. Office workers conform because it is beneficial for the larger system and the sustaining of existing power structures. Conformity = Boring = No Attraction = No Sexual Energy.
What you should do instead: Use your sense of style to express yourself, and don’t be afraid to show your individuality. Attractive men don’t conform to the masses; they are leaders who follow their own path.Eliteness applies here. You want to convey, through your style, that you are different from the average Joe, that you are special, not that you are just like everyone else.
Style Mistake #3: He is scared of criticism from other people
“What if my friends don’t think this earring looks good?”
Certain guys are very self conscious and always care about what other people think. They try not to stand out too much in fear of being noticed by other people. They are afraid of what people might say if they changed their hairstyle or wore a new shirt. Ironically, it becomes a drag to be around them because they are always supplicating and needy due to their fear of what others think.
Do you think Lady Gaga would be as famous if she cared about style criticisms from other people?
What you should do instead: Imagine that there is a lion in the jungle that walks around his territory on the prairie. This lion knows he is the king of the jungle. When he moves, other animals move out of his way and act in reaction to him.
At the same time, the smaller animals will try to wound the lion. They may put a piece of sharp wood on the path he’s traveling, hoping that he will get hurt a bit.
But why? You see, anything that slows the lion’s progress gives the smaller animals a chance to survive and not be eaten. The more successful you are with style, women, and in other areas of life, the more “haters” you will begin to accumulate. Learn to deal with them as your personality permits, and know that their envy stems from the source of your success.
As you look better and better, some people might not like the new you. But they didn’t like you in the first place. At least now they don’t like you for who you really are, instead of an image that society has prefabricated for you.
Style Mistake #4: He is in self denial about the importance of style
“What you wear doesn’t make you who you are. ”
No, it doesn’t, but it does shape what other people perceive you to be when you go out. Self denial is perhaps one of the deadliest forms of blockers in improving your style and game. A lot of guys get into developing “game,” only to give up after trying a few new things over a couple months. The fundamental problem lies in the inability to sustainably incorporate new behavior patterns.
Perhaps a guy believes that style has nothing to do with attracting women, and will go on dressing the same way. Unfortunately for him, without actually trying something new, he cannot know what it feels like to have women attracted to him at first sight.
This guy believes that fashion comes and goes and that it’s really his personality that counts. While this is true to a degree, he doesn’t understand that there is a balance of “knowing the trend” and having core characteristics. This type of behavior is usually exhibited by guys who are in denial and have an overall unwillingness to change.
Style matters. The way we look matters. No matter how superficial style may seem at times, when you first meet someone, the only thing they have to judge you by is the way you look. Don’t risk making a bad first impression by not taking care of the way you look. If and when a situation matters to you, dress to impress.
Style Mistake #5: He thinks he can be happy just trying to be “himself’
“I like being myself. I’m happy. ”
I’ve heard quite a few men who have no style say, “I don’t need to worry about having style. I’m cool with being myself. I’m just going to dress like myself.” Meanwhile, they do not realize that how they are dressing now is simply an emulation of dad or someone else who never understood fashion.
The “I’m just going to be myself’ statement is very dangerous because it is an excuse that scared people use when they don’t want to push themselves to do better.
It becomes a rationalization of why someone doesn’t change, because they perceive change to be too difficult. “Just being yourself’ doesn’t work for the guy who isn’t naturally getting the girls, and it is one of the things that bugs me and other dating coaches as the most annoying thing mass media imparts upon us.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that, if you’re reading this article, chances are that “being yourself’ is not getting you the results with women that you could be having. So why do people recommend “being yourself’? Well.. .first of all, it’s not very specific. It doesn’t really lead to taking any specific action. It sounds like it’s the right thing to say. It also removes any responsibility from you. Who could blame you for “being yourself’? After all, isn’t it the right thing to do?!
Girls and other folks often give advice such as “just be yourself’ because they don’t know any better, so they just end up saying something that they think “sounds right.” These people cannot help you succeed with women because they don’t know anything about the topic. Most people would rather give a bad answer than admit they don’t know. Be hurt by the truth rather than protected by a lie. Find friends who are honest with you, who give you specific, actionable steps instead of generic advice.
The most successful people in the world are continually reinventing and redefining who they are, because they are constantly growing and expanding beyond their current limitations. If you had said “this is who I am” and stopped redefining yourself when you were 7 years, you would still be behaving as if you were a kid. Don’t be afraid to grow and change and evolve in your style and as a person.
Style Mistake #6: He has an incongruent look
Huge nerd with glasses: Yeah I used to date this stripper at the Rhino… ”
Have you ever met a guy who appeared cool at first, but there was just something off that you can’t quite pinpoint? Maybe he has a few too many accessories. Maybe he has a badass lip piercing, but is wearing a scarf and glasses reminiscent of a metrosexual nerd. Maybe he’s just trying way too hard. Our senses are very good at picking up the subconscious signals that someone is be presenting himself as something that he’s not.
Congruence applies not only to women, but to everyone that you interact with. If people sense that you are being incongruent, they will lose trust and respect for you because they feel that you are being dishonest or have something to hide.
What you should do instead: It’s all right to try different things to see what works and go through a period of experimentation with different pieces of clothing and styles, but the ultimate goal is to be congruent with yourself. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not.
Style Mistake #7: He changes his behavior under Peer Pressure
As you develop your style, you may experience support from some and adversity from others. Friends may joke about your new appearance and mock your new look. This is natural up to a point, and you need to recognize when this is happening.
Oprah once said that during a period in the 90s when she lost significant weight on a diet, a lot of her old friends either mocked her or started to push her away. Oprah recalls, “They were pushing me away because my weight loss was reminding them that they are still fat.”
Remember that as you change, you will begin to associate with different types of people to find the ones that naturally align with you the most, instead of the ones that you are “stuck” with via luck or chance. Do not let this deter you on your path to become stylish and good with women.
Style Mistake #8: He exudes a very high NICE GUY vibe
There are good guys, and then there are Nice Guys. Nice Guys have the mistaken belief that they can attract women just by being nice to them. Not that being nice is a bad thing (unless it’s overdone), but it does nothing to build sexual tension or attraction.
The Nice Guy’s style is the same way. It’s safe, it’s timid, and it doesn’t stand out from the crowd. It doesn’t want to offend, it follows all the rules, it’s bland, and there’s no edge to it. It basically breaks every rule about attractive fashion that we’ve talked about so far.
Don’t be that guy. Don’t be the guy that tries to fit in, who tries to play it safe, who tries to please everybody, but who doesn’t express who he really is. Be bold. Be dangerous. Find your unique voice, and express it to the world through your sense of style.
There are many great qualities of the nice guy vibe in Mr. Unstylish. Most of the time, he is neat. He is polite to everyone (sometimes to his own detriment). He actually cares about people, and he will help you out when you are in need. Examples of the nice guy stereotype abound in Asian families, where Confucian virtues preached many of these rules (I can talk about this because I am Asian):
• Always treat elders with the utmost respect. One day you will be old too.
• Treat your parents with great respect; they are the ones that are responsible for your existence.
• Treat your neighbor as you would treat yourself.
• Always be polite and treat others with respect.
These are, in fact, very good qualities to live by. The problem starts when guys rationalize that being this way will help them get girls too. Girls are not sexually attracted to nice guys because nice guys follow these rules without questioning them, whereas the good guy follows these rules because he chooses to.