Once again, we will be asking top dating and pickup experts for advice on how guys can overcome approach anxiety. You are going to learn some of the coolest techniques that will help you beat approach anxiety.

Bobby Rio Teaching How To Overcome Approach Anxiety

Well, I’ve had a girlfriend for a couple of years, and I’ve actually avoided approaching because it always leads to me doing something bad or putting me in a position to do something bad. But yes, I don’t think anyone ever truly gets rid of approach anxiety. I mean, you manage it by doing it. And the first girl of the night is always the hardest. I think no matter whom you are with, that first approach of the night; you’re going to get butterflies the same way you are always going to get butterflies going off to do a public speech or something to that extent. But if you can just get the first one out of the way quickly, it gets much easier.

I’m not a guy who preaches the three-second rule. I think that there are a lot of flaws in that, but I do say that the quicker you can just go up to a girl and start any kind of conversation with her, the easier the next one is going to be.

Brad Jackson On How Guys Can Manage Approach Anxiety

social anxiety photo

Yeah, absolutely. Just like most stage performers still get butterflies. Here’s the thing, though: It’s not about the approach that most guys get nervous with, it’s the transition. Anyone can approach a girl. We do it all the time in non-pick up situations. But we wonder to ourselves, “What am I going to say next?”

Every approach I go into with the thought that this girl has something in her life that sucks – something that sucks way more than being approached by me. And the fact that I’m approaching her affirms that she has something else going for her. So guess who’s doing who the favor?

Another thought I tell myself is that I’m there to feed off her energy. If I go over and she’s got nasty energy, I don’t want any. But if she’s cool and fun, I’m there to soak it up because I’m looking to have fun too. That mental imagery makes it somewhat of a game for me, so it takes the focus off of being accepted or rejected.

There is a saying in NLP: “There is no such thing as failure – only feedback.” That’s reframing it. Meaning, if you didn’t succeed with the woman, look at what happened, what you could have done better and what you’ll do next time. Then go try again and tweak it until something works. The bottom line is that the more you do it the easier it gets and the less meaning you put onto it.

Brent Smith Says He Doesn’t Get Approach Anxiety

I don’t any longer because I changed the reason I go out. The reason I go out is to help other people have fun. Here’s how I got over it. I realized after going out for over 25 years and interviewing people and getting in conversations and reading about psychology that this is going to sound crazy, but this is it: Everybody in a social situation has issues, so all those people that you’re scared to talk to are usually more screwed up than you are.

And when you realize that you’re not the only one that has problems – because we tend to think that, “Oh, man. No one understands. I’m shy or no one understands what I’ve been through,” and all this kind of negative selftalk – what you’re doing is you’re being very selfish and you’re not realizing that everybody else in the room also has anxieties. In fact, if you walk around and ask them, which I’ve done before, “Do you have any social anxiety? What do you want out of life?” Everyone wants to be happy and wants to be carefree and wants to lose their problems.

The reality is that people don’t know how to get rid of their problems. So when you realize that everybody in a social situation is more screwed up than you are, then why would you be nervous to talk to people who have more problems than you do? They want to be happy and carefree and get rid of their problems. Guess what happens when they meet someone or are in the same room as someone who seems to be completely carefree? You wear a magnet, and they want some of it. They want to be around you; guys and girls. People will give you stuff. They will buy you drinks. Girls will give you sex. I mean, it’s unbelievable what happens, because you’re being the guy or the person who everybody in that room wants to be. I’m telling you, if you just do that and realize that you’re only purpose being social is to help people escape from their problems and their daily boring lives full of: “I’m not doing what I want for a living. I’m horrible at relationships. I had a bad childhood.”

cure for approach anxiety

You have to understand that everybody lives that life. So if you are the escape from that life, you can have anything you want. You’ll have everything in life. So that’s how I overcame it, because I finally realized that. That took away all of my anxiety.

It all goes back to changing your whole process from one of getting to giving. There is no anxiety attached to giving. There is only anxiety attached to trying to get and then not getting what it is that you seek. So you remove all the getting, and all you’re doing is giving. I don’t mean like giving girls drinks or buying them thousand-dollar watches. I mean helping people escape from their problems, helping them have to good time. You will reap and be rewarded beyond your wildest dreams.

It would be hard for me even to explain it here because it’s so next level, but the good thing about it is that no matter where you are, whether you’re a beginner and you don’t know how much money you have or what you look like, it is accessible to you, because I’ve seen it. I learned it from guys who were in that same boat and so I know it’s possible, and I’m living it and I’m teaching it.

Carlos Xuma Shares His Advice On Approaching Women

I hesitate to call it approach anxiety, but I do get those twinges on occasion where I’m like, “Oh, I don’t know if I want to approach her,” or “I don’t know if I want to open a conversation.” And I have this kind of inner game ritual; I guess you could call it. And it’s a mental ritual that I think all guys have to create. You need a mental ritual that, first of all, is going to ground you and relax you, because that’s really important. Guys don’t realize just how detrimental it is to go out and try and meet people or be social when you’re in an anxious state or you’re up in your head. It totally works against you. You can’t use any of the material you may have memorized or you have to use. It just really tears up your game from the inside out, so you have got to be grounded and relaxed.

how to talk fearlessly

And then number 2, you’ve got to have rational, what I call rational or cognitive control. In other words, you recognize the emotion of, “Oh my God, I’m not sure if I want to talk to that chick,” and then you walk yourself through it. You’re like, “Wait a minute, the last time this happened I didn’t talk to that girl, and I went home and I was kicking myself the whole night. I’m not going to go through that again. And the last time I did this and I didn’t walk away with a phone number, I still felt pretty damn good about doing it, so I got to do it, OK. Here we go,” and you’re in.

Christian Hudson Shares His Inner Gamed Tips

I absolutely still get approach anxieties. The thing that I tell myself is there’s a picture that we paint in our heads and very few people have the conscious awareness that they’re doing this. Let’s say that you’re looking at this right now and you think of yourself approaching an attractive woman. You see her walking down the street. What is the picture that is playing in your mind about how you’re going to go and approach? Do you see her rejecting you or do you see her being happy to talk to you? Those guys unconsciously paint the picture in their mind and tell themselves a conversation about this woman rejecting them.

So what do I do? Well, I paint a picture in my mind of something beyond that moment. I’m just laughing on a date, or enjoying some wine together, or waking up next to each other in bed. The picture I paint in mind is some moment where I’ve been able to make her happy, and where she’s been able to make me happy and I hold on to that rather than the notion of me being rejected. I’m sure this is a psychological principle, I’m not sure what the term would be, but I’ll call it future projections or future phasing or future shifting. By shifting what I want and I’m experiencing with this girl from that moment of fear to in the future, it allows me to approach her towards that outcome and with that intention in mind. That’s what’s projected in my communication and all of a sudden, I’m thinking, “Well, I want to take this girl to this place.” She doesn’t know that we have the opportunity to go there yet, but if we get along I’m going to show her amazing things and we’re going to have a great time together.