How To Approach Women During The Day (Street, Shops, Seated And Groups)
The four most common situations in which you’ll meet women through the day are:
- On the streets
- In supermarkets and in shops
- Seated in places such as public squares, parks, benches, etc.
- In groups
Of course, this will vary. Perhaps you work in a large office complex or you’re at university, both in which you could meet a lady, however the four specifically mentioned situations can be applied to all other places. A girl walking through a university is not too different to a girl walking on the street, and a woman seated in a big office complex café is not really so different to a woman in a supermarket.
Approaching On The Street
It’s crazy to think that you can date women from the street, however it absolutely can be done. In fact, it’s one of my favourite ways to meet women. When I first got into all of this, being able to approach a woman that I was walking past was the pinnacle of success to me. I thought that if I could just manage to do that a couple of times, I’ll have reached my goal (now I do it for a living – talk about overshooting the mark). I’d always noticed cute women passing me on the street, but the idea of actually talking to them (let alone dating them) was very far out of my reality. This might also be the case for many of you reading – hopefully not for too much longer.
To start, just pay attention to women that pass you on the street. Notice them more, try to look them in the eye. You’ll be surprised by how often women will look up and notice you. And if you do make eye contact, approaching is a lot easier. It makes a cold approach a warm approach. However, you don’t have to get eye contact in order to approach a woman. This is such a huge dating myth. If you wait for eye contact (or for a sign that she wants to talk to you) before you approach, you won’t meet the women that you really want to meet – you’ll always be limited to who notices you. Most women simply won’t notice you, even if they are single and looking, especially through the day. They’ll just be going about their day and not thinking that a guy would actually come and talk to them. Here is all you need to know about eye contact.
But the aim of this article is to give you choice. It’s about meeting and dating the woman/women that you actually want to meet and date. So while getting eye contact or any kind of invitation to approach is very handy indeed, it’s definitely not necessary. Again, some women are out there wanting to meet a guy, but they might not even notice you, or might not be willing to give you any kind of sign to approach. So while eye contact is not necessary, often enough it will happen – a woman will catch the eye of a passing guy that she likes the look. She may even hold it, or give him the ‘up and down’ look. I love when this happens because you can literally just turn back and say “Excuse me … I have to say hello to you”. I had a woman recently look at her friend and laugh when I went back to say that. I asked what she was laughing at, and she replied “I was just telling my friend about our moment there” So look out for that – it does happen, but most men don’t see or register it because they aren’t looking for it.
When She Is Walking Past You
Probably the most common situation for street approaching is a cute girl walking past you. Most guys will just ogle at her and fantasise, but you my friend, you could actually meet her. You can either just say “Excuse me” as you’re walking past her, and if she stops, proceed with your opener … or you can let her walk past (watching for eye contact as she does), and then turn back to catch up with her. Then you can approach her from the side or even slightly in front of her (so that when you open her, you’re facing back towards the way you came), with “Excuse me”, again, seeing if she stops. Another alternative is to turn back, walk in the same direction as her and from the side while walking, open. Then continue to talk and walk (if she’s being responsive to you).
Letting her walk past and then turning back to catch up with her is definitely my preference. In fact, I never stop women as they’re walking towards me. I find it a bit salesy and invasive. Also, when you’re starting out, you might find this turning back style of approaching more helpful because it’ll give you the chance to pause and motivate yourself to actually do it.
Just calmly walk back in her direction soon after she has passed you (walk a bit quicker if you’ve let her walk far away). Don’t run up to her from behind and startle her – simply fill in the gap between you and her, and then open her from the side, from a little in front of her, or as you’re walking in the same direction as her. If she has earphones in, that’s completely fine – just gesture from the side and she will likely stop and take them out, or at least look at you and take one out. Don’t approach her from behind, and don’t get right in front of her. Give her plenty of space. You don’t want her walking into you and you don’t want to be invading her space. “Excuse me …” and then give her the option to talk to you, as well as the option to walk off. Ideally, she will stop to talk to you. And then something observational like “I just had to come back and compliment/mention/ask about your (whatever)” – or something more direct like “I just had to come back and meet you quickly. You’re adorable. I’m Chris”
When She’s Walking In The Same Direction
Guys sometimes find approaching a woman who’s walking in the same direction somewhat easier because they don’t have to turn back and approach her so blatantly. Here you’re just saying something to her as you both walk in the same direction. I’d again suggest getting her attention with a clear “Excuse me” and then proceeding with your opener (whatever that might be – remember, what is it about her that you noticed or are wondering?). If she’s walking ahead of you, you can just walk a little faster until you’re alongside her, and if she’s walking behind you, just slow down a little until she’s alongside you. Again, pay attention to her receptivity. If she responds warmly to you, keep talking and walking. Often enough you will end up stopping to talk (always a good sign). But if she doesn’t give you much – she seems closed, uninterested, if she’s giving you one word answers, or she’s not even looking at you when you talk, just let her walk off.
What tends to be ineffective here is just saying a random “Hi” as you’re walking with her. People tend to just shrug off the person on the street saying “Hello” as it’s either too random (i.e. they think you’re a bit loopy), or they assume that you want something from them (i.e. you’re selling something). That is, unless it’s justified immediately after with something like “Oh I just wanted to say hi, I noticed your (whatever)”. For the most-part, you really do need to make your opener an obvious comment or question here.
So, when you’re walking up the street and you notice a cute woman who is about to walk pass you, firstly, just notice if she notices at you. Regardless of if she does or not, if you’d like to meet her and the situation seems fine to do so, after she has walked past you, simply turn back and catch up with her. The sooner that you do this, the better. You don’t want to wait too long and let her get too far up the street, especially if she has noticed you, because then you do become the guy who appears to be stalking her, whereas the guy who turns back after a few seconds is bold and spontaneous (if she didn’t see you as she passed, this makes no difference, so don’t use the “She’s too far away now” excuse). Once you catch up with her, from the side or a from in front of her (i.e. ideally not from behind), just say clearly “Excuse me”. Then she’ll either:
- Stop to listen to you
- Ignore you and walk off
- Keep walking and talking to you in a friendly way, while you’re walking with her
- Keep walking and listening to you but in a closed off way (so not giving you anything to work with)
Your responses should be:
- If she stops to listen to you, say whatever it is that you wanted to say to her (i.e. your opener) and if she’s receptive, just proceed to a conversation. A girl stopping to talk to you is your first green light.If she is facing you (so her body is not still pointing to where she was walking), this is another.
- If she ignores you and walks off, take a moment to congratulate yourself for approaching. Lick your wounds and just get on with your day (or your next approach).
- If you’ve gone to approach her and she’s friendly to you but she keeps walking (or you approached her while walking in the same direction), just proceed with your conversation while walking with her, but ONLY if she’s giving you something back. It helps here to let her know what you’re doing and where you’re walking, so that she doesn’t think that you’re following her. Using the word “quickly” in your opener can help also – “I just had to say quickly …”. Even if she is being friendly to you, how long you’re going to walk with her will cross her mind. Remember, even if you’re lovely and friendly, you’re still a random guy on the street to her.
- If you’re walking with her and talking, but she’s giving you short answers, she’s not looking at you and not showing any signs of interest, just walk away. Don’t stalk the girl. Don’tfollow the girl. Don’t “plow” forward trying to turn it around. She’s not “shit testing” you, she just doesn’t want to talk to you. Leave. Don’t waste your time or hers, and don’t give the rest of us doing this a bad name because you’re socially uncalibrated.
Some guys like to say “Hey can I ask you something?” or “Can I stop you for a moment?” as openers, which is totally fine. Personally, I prefer to just say “Excuse me” and then give her a second to register me, before smiling, saying hello, and proceeding with my opener (usually observational or direct). To quickly touch on openers again (from the last last article on PUA openers), either I find something about her to comment on or to ask her about, for example:
“Excuse me …”
- “I just have to ask, I’m very curious, where you are from?”
- “Can I just say that I’m really liking your style”
- “Are you wearing a jumper or a poncho? – something I used a few days ago for a girl sitting outside a bar waiting for a friend. She laughed knowingly, so it wasn’t the first time that she had been asked or wondered that herself.
- “You look like you’re enjoying the sun today”
I can be whatever. Again, observational openers can be anything, and it’s MUCH more how it’s said (and the person saying it), than the opener itself. Most of my comments and openers would sound nothing too special on paper, but with warmth, energy and enthusiasm on the street, they work just fine.
Or just as often I am much more direct:
“Excuse me …”
- “I just had to come back and meet you quickly. I know this is forward, you are absolutely adorable”
- “You’re the cutest girl I’ve seen in a long-time. I had to come and say hi quickly”
- “Hi, you are very cute, what’s your name?”
Again – whatever (in your own words). Remember, the key factor in direct opening is where it coming from. You’re a happy, confident guy, who was going about his life and you noticed a lovely girl that you wanted to meet. You’re not the unworthy loveable loser who thinks the girl is “sooo pretty!”
Say whatever is fitting for that girl in that situation. Don’t just say the same things over and over, which a lot of guys do with direct openers, memorising one line and saying it over and over again. “Hey I just saw you and thought you were cute, so I thought I’d say hello” is a fantastic opener, but it seems to be incredibly popular here in Melbourne, with many men running around saying it mechanically to everything that moves. Learn to be malleable and versatile in what you say. Adapt to the situation. It’s ok when you’re starting out to have a couple of generic memorised lines in your head that you can use, but you want to work towards being more in the moment and treating each situation and each woman individually. Here is more on how to talk to women.
Don’t Harass People
Again, please don’t stalk anyone. Please don’t be that guy. Be socially intelligent here. Some girls will want to talk, others will not. That’ll never change. Some women are out there dying to be approached by a cool guy. Others are just fine without. You must read her cues quickly, and respect them. If she’s being polite verbally but her body language is telling you that she doesn’t want to be there (watch where her body and feet are pointed), just leave. I really don’t want you out there harassing women, and I also don’t want you being some vulture out there approaching every woman that you see. These techniques are to be used when needed, to enhance your life. Don’t run around the streets causing havoc.
As I mentioned earlier, I know a lot of new guys would never consider street approaching as something that could possibly work. People are out during the day doing their own thing and they don’t want to be interrupted, right? Isn’t it weird and creepy to run after a woman, or talk to her on the street?
It can and it does work. Not with every woman, obviously, so you can’t try this once or twice and then conclude that “it doesn’t work!” But with some time and some practice, and with a good personality and a half decent appearance, you would be surprised at how effective this can be. There are some women who would never respond to a stranger saying hello during the day. That’s fine. But there are plenty of women who do respond very well to this ballsy style of approach. Many women see it as a much better alternative than the drunken approaches that they get in bars or the weird/boring/creepy messages they get on Tinder.
How To Approach Women In Supermarket & Stores
I personally love meeting women in the supermarket because before I could do any of this, I’d very often see beautiful women in supermarkets and I always daydreamed about being able to meet them. I had no idea how easy it actually is to just start talking to them, and to turn those good conversations into dates. Approaching in stores and supermarkets is actually very similar to the street, but arguably better in a way for newbies, since the women are stationary and you have more time to work yourself up to the approach.
Again, you can be direct or observational (what is she looking at), or even something more functional like asking something about the store (as long as you transition it if it goes well). If she responds well to you, just ask some simple things – what she’s up to for the day, what she’s shopping for, introduce yourself, etc. If she’s neutral, meaning that she’s listening to you but appears to be a little hesitant, still proceed, she may just need a moment to warm to you. If she’s cold and doesn’t want to talk to you, or gives you a weird look, or ignores you – simply leave.
If you’re choosing to be direct, again I advise to move on from the opener quickly, and if you are going observational – look at her, look at the items on the shelf, is there something that you can ask about? And then move the conversation forward. Much of my advice here is repeating what I discussed in the ‘street’ section because the same basic principles apply. The only difference is that women are not walking and they’re generally looking at something on a shelf. How you go about the approach logistically doesn’t really matter – you simply walk up next to her, while being very considerate of her personal space, and ideally when there aren’t people right next to her, and say “Excuse me …
Get Used To Feeling Uncomfortable
For some guys, the supermarket or shops are much easier than the street. However, for other guys, it’s much more difficult (that it’s a more closed environment than the street). However, the good turnaround percent is no different than the street. If you approach two women in the supermarket and it doesn’t work out well, it’s not that approaching in the supermarket doesn’t work, it’s just that you’ve not done it enough to really know. It’s no different than approaching two women in a bar and neither of them wanting to talk to you. Bars are still an amazing place to meet women, it just so happens that those two women didn’t want to talk to you.
Again, if she is cold and doesn’t want to talk to you in the supermarket, you have to take a moment to be give yourself props for just trying. You’ll likelyfeel embarrassed and you’ll maybe even feel that you creeped her out. And maybe you did. But that doesn’t matter. As long as you were respectful and friendly, she just wasn’t the girl for you. She isn’t traumatized because you said something to her or asked her something while she was shopping. Women are strong enough to deal with one awkward comment in a store.
This feeling of discomfort is just something that you are going to have to deal with for now. In order to develop these skills and confidence, and meet an amazing woman, or women, you are going to have to learn to deal with some awkward moments. It just goes with the territory. Anyone who is good at this has accidentally creeped a few women, even with the best intentions. But it grows you. If you’re approaching with social intelligence and respect, women won’t mind as much as you think. Men can get very paranoid about day approaching – in particular the supermarket it seems – thinking that they’re bothering women. But again, if you’re approaching women in a natural and non-threatening way, they really don’t care as much as you may think. At worst, she walks off thinking “That was weird” and then just gets on with her shopping. It doesn’t impact her life. The worst-case scenario is that you’re a bit weird and embarrassed. The best-case scenario is that you have an amazing connection and she changes your life. But it’s because of this feeling of shame and embarrassment that most guys will give up. They’re not able to think long-term. So when you’re there in the supermarket, debating an approach, think of the short-term pain compared with long-term gain, and the worst-case scenario compared to the best-case scenario.
Don’t Overcomplicate It
“Excuse me … I have to ask, did you dye your hair first or buy your pants first?” – that’s a weird opener that I once used in a supermarket on a girl who had the exact same coloured red hair as her jeans. It’s an example of how can say almost anything, and how creative you can be when you look for those opportunities. When I was first starting day game, I used to ask women for recommendations for something to buy for dinner, or for cooking suggestions for a date. Once I even walked around the supermarket asking multiple women if they knew where the gravy was. These are not great openers at all, however they certainly are better than nothing. And if something like that is all that you’re capable of for now, do it. When you’re new, anything that comes out of your mouth is a great opener. A lot of your street openers will work just fine in the supermarket also. I’ve certainly met more than a few women in the street and supermarket by asking where they were from, complimenting some clothing item, by just saying that I wanted to meet them, or by just introducing myself. Again, you’re a man who is attracted to a woman – it’s the most natural and manly thing there is.
So don’t have to overcomplicate it. Yes sure it’s “weird”, but only because other men don’t have the balls to do it (making it a rare occurrence). But most men who do consider all of this weird have never tried it themselves and are simply projecting their own insecurities onto the situation. And most women who consider it weird, actually would respond well to it happening in real life it was their type of guy.
Transitioning, Part 2
Since many guys tend to be more observational in the supermarket or in stores (because there is often more material to use), I need to touch quickly on transitioning again because observational opening without transitioning is just a friendly comment/chat that goes nowhere.
Your opener is just your foot in the door. It doesn’t have to be amazing, it’s just to get the conversation started and to see if she wants to talk to you. However, then you want to transition onto something else. If you start with your observational opener and you then chat about that for a few seconds, you want to follow that up with something else to take the conversation forward. So for example, if you find yourself asking about avocados:
- “Excuse me, do you know how long it takes these to ripen?”
- “Usually a couple of days”
- “Ah right. These are rock hard”
- “Yeah they are”
If she’s responding warmly, many guys stop after “Yeah they are”, but you want to transition it forward …
- “Are you making guacamole too?”
- “Hey I really like your scarf” (or whatever)
- “What are you out shopping for today?”
Then you’ll find out how open she is to actual conversation.
Watch Out For The Easy Way Out
Something that I see a lot of guys doing is asking about a store’s closing times, or asking for advice on other stores, or pretending that they need advice on buying a gift for someone, etc. This last one especially seems to be a popular option – pretending that you’re buying a present for a sister that they probably don’t even have, and asking a girl for her opinion on it. To me personally, this just seems a bit lame and also somewhat unhelpful to your growth. Overall, I suggest just watching out for ‘empty’ openers. Absolutely they can be transitioned, but remember – if you just dip your toe into the situation, she likely will also, i.e. she won’t give you much back if you aren’t putting much in. If you stand next to her in the supermarket and say something like “It’s a hard choice isn’t it” she’ll likely just look at you and nod. People are in automatic mode. Again, they aren’t inclined to engage in chat with strangers unless they’re specifically engaged and broken out of their daydream. This’s why you want to get that attention and make it a clear comment or question, ideally with some intent behind it, which something like asking for directions or when a shop closes is just not going to have. And if you do use something functional like this, at least try to follow it up with something, i.e. transition. Two points on that …
- When you have a little bit more skill and experience, you can use these easy types of openers because you’ll know how to easily and naturally transition them into something more, whereas when you’re starting out, you’re likely going to just ask the question and run off, or worse – you’ll be one of those guys that asks a hundred questions about the same thing. For example, asking about a present – “So if I do buy this for her, which size should I get? And you’re sure you like this one? Which colour should I get?” This just digs you further and further into this fabricated situation, which is then very odd to escalate from. What’re you going to do, ask multiple questions about your imaginary sister’s present, and then ask for her phone number?
- As I mentioned before, if these more ‘functional’ easy type of openers are all that you’re capable of doing right now – go for it, use them. I used them when I was starting out, many people used them when they were starting out, and yes they can often be transitioned into something more. I guess I’m just more interested in where it’s coming from. If you feel a sense of shame or embarrassment about approaching and talking to women, so you want to do something much less risky, then I believe that you should instead be working on getting over your fear through more authentic styles of approaching also. So perhaps work on doing both if need be.
How To Approach Women Working In Stores
I’m asked quite often “How to do I pick up women working in stores?” so let’s discuss that quickly. Note – this can be extended to women working in bars also.
Basically, if you’re chatting with a girl who is working somewhere, and you feel that she’s interested, you can absolutely just ask for her number. She may be another girl struggling to meet a guy. However, you do need to consider that her boss might be lingering around and that there might even be cameras on her. She might indeed like you, but her job is much more important to her. You also really need to remember that these people are paid to be nice to you. I see many guys mistaking this, and thinking that a girl likes them when she’s really just doing her job. Also, her having to deal with you asking her out in front of customers or coworkers is likely as awkward for her as it is for you, so please have some social intelligence here. Be subtle and pick your timing. Even if you’re comfortable with it, she may not be. This is her workplace, and it’s likely much higher up on her priority list than you right now, so maybe don’t go asking her out in front of everyone.
If she works in a place that you go to often, my personal preference is to chat with the girl each time that I’m there, establish some familiarity and connection, and if I’m sensing some interest, I’ll most often ask to add her Facebook . Sometimes number, sometimes Facebook.
How To Approach Seated Women
What if you see a woman that you’d like to talk to, but she’s seated somewhere? Here you have again a few options on what you can say and how you can go about it. Direct, observational, simple questions, functional – all the discussed forms of openers work fine, and with women seated, you also have the additional convenience of being able to sit near them, allowing you to have more of a ‘normal’ natural chit chat. A lot of guys find this much easier that street or store approaching for this reason, they can be seated near her and casually mention or ask something.
As always – do what feels right to you. Some guys prefer to just dive straight in there i.e. they walk over, say hi and engage her. This is fine, just don’t stand over her. I see so many guys approaching seated women and then standing right in front of her, looking down on her. This can be intimidating, invasive and just annoying. Give her space when you approach, and if she engages, just ask if you can sit down for a bit. Other guys (myself included) prefer to actually take a seat near the girl, and then just casually start a conversation. This can be as simple as “Hey how are you?” especially if it’s justified (“Are you waiting for friends too huh?”) however something more observational, or even direct, is generally going to be more effective. Again, no one wants to talk to the crazy person, so something specific to comment on is generally much better received than a random “Hello!” which can often be interpreted “I’m the crazy person”. Just get to the point of you talking to her, because that’s what she’ll be wondering.
When you do sit near her before opening, it’s very important to not sit right next to the girl and invade her space. For example, if she’s there chilling out or reading, and you rock up and sit right next to her, her defences will go up immediately, even if you don’t say anything. Her primary concern will be that you’ll be one of those guys that comes into her space, starts talking and won’t leave. Don’t be that guy. Sit near her, not right next to her, and then just do your own thing for a moment. I generally just play on my phone. Let her register your presence first, and then eventually and casually, ask her something specific, like what she is reading. And not just “What are you reading?” but more “Excuse me … I’m just curious what you’re reading?”
Once again, generally anything that you can think of will be fine here.
“Excuse me …”
- “Is your friend running late too?”
- “I was just curious, is that a travel journal you’re writing in?
- “I’m just curious where are you from? You look like you might not be from here?”
- “It looks like you’re enjoying the view too huh?”
- “I just wanted to say that I really like your colour coordination”
- “I’m just waiting for my friend, and I hope you don’t mind me saying, you’re very beautiful”
These are of course just examples, but I’m just throwing them out in the hopes that you’re starting to see how to open, and the feel of openers. Again, this is all just my opinion, so do what feels right to you. By this stage I don’t have to tell you that your openers aren’t hugely important. Again, if she’s walking around life wondering why she never meets anyone, then you pop up, and she likes the look and feel of you, then she’ll be open to chatting. If she isn’t, then she won’t give you anything back. So move on. But if you’re walking around with shitty beliefs and a shitty outlook, not much is going to go well for you – and even if it does, you likely won’t notice it because you’re conditioned to see negativity. So work on your inner game and try to come from a good place mentally, then approach a lot, and ask out the women that respond well. It’s all really that simple.
How To Approach Groups
Lastly, there’s approaching groups of women during the day (or, a woman who is with her friends). Some guys actually like the idea of this, thinking that women feel more comfortable around friends, but for other guys, this is considerably harder.
How you should approach groups during the day will vary according to who you ask (as with all of this). For everyone, their approach is different. However personally, I prefer to just go direct. I want to go in, address the whole group first, and then address the girl that I like, giving her the reason that I’m there quite quickly, have a bit of a chat, close (get her number), and leave them to it.
For example, the last group that I approached, I noticed the girl as I was walking past. I ran back, I excused myself and I asked where they were all from. The girl that I had noticed and what appeared to be her mother had been here for some time, and the other one was visiting from Europe. I then said to the other two “Oh very cool. I’m sorry to interrupt, I just had to come back and say hello to your friend, she is adorable”. They all laughed, so then I moved on from the open, asking what they were doing with the day (I got off the direct open quickly). We chatted as a group for a while about how they were showing their friend around the city, and after about five minutes, I said to the girl that I had noticed “Well once you are done, we could maybe hang out if you like?”. She actually asked if we could “join groups” however since I was working and since it was really only a demonstration for a client, we swapped numbers and I left them to it. She called within an hour. This is a perfect example of how I personally like to go about approaching groups.
As another example, the last ‘group’ (actually just two girls) that my client approached, he simply walking back to them to ask if they were German. He spoke German and he thought he heard the language as they were walking past. Once he had opened and was in chatting with them, I also walked back and spoke with the one that he was less focused on. We spoke with one each individually for about half an hour on the street, and he should have ended it with “Well we should head off to check out this festival down there, but I’d love to catch up with you sometime if you like?”
Some guys like to go into groups and just chit-chat (i.e. not be direct at all) which is fine, but in my opinion you may have girls thinking that you’re a bit intrusive if you just go in for a chat, so personally I prefer to get in, get to the point (whether that’s direct or not), and then leave them to it. Also note that it’s much harder to then actually ask out one of the girls if you’ve gone in and chatted with the whole group (unless you intend on asking them all out and you have wings to help out).
And now you are ready to go out there and start approaching women during the day everywhere so what are you waiting for? Go our there and get started.