Have you ever thought about what causes shyness? Is it the way you look? Is it the way people treat you?

While shyness may appear to be a natural part of someone’s personality, is actually a learned trait.

Being shy is one of the biggest reasons for failure with women. Shyness keeps most men from even getting to square one.


What would possibly give you the idea that shyness was okay? Have you ever been told by your family or even other girls how cute you looked when you were shy?

Your shyness was positively reinforced and even if you find it impractical today, your belief from childhood would still sits in your subconscious and drives your actions – running in the background like a computer virus.

When we get comfortable with the where lives are, we tend to desire to stay away from the unknown in the lock ourselves into our current lives even if they are not the ones we want to be living.

Avoiding talking to attractive women falls into this category. Before you make any decision in your life, your brain, namely your frontal lobe, weighs the outcome of your decision.

It considers the positives and the negatives.

But here is a fascinating thing about your brain; it will often motivate you to stay away from pain before it will drive you to seek pleasure.

If you ever hope to become attractive to a woman, you need to free your past pain in order to make your life into what you want it to be.

shy men photo

Pain can run your life if you let it (big surprise there) and you need to be able to find the tools to motivate yourself to move beyond your pain.

Think about the primary human drive – to survive.

An excellent example of this is when you are with an attractive woman and even if things go to total shit you still feel the need to save things – you need to “survive.”

When you are placed in this painful situation – you feel compelled to avoid pain at all costs.

Another example would be to think of when you were a little boy and you learned that fire can burn you and you didn’t touch it again.

Now, If I held a flamethrower in front of you (probably even if it had no gas) you would connect the dots unconsciously and at an instinctual level back away out of fear… but here’s the interesting thing, if you were a baby you would probably just smile and laugh at it.

This works the same way for approaching women, you developed a belief (in this case an irrational one – fire burning you is rational) about women and your brain goes into fear mode because it believes it is trying to protect you from something.

Pain is a relative thing – like anything else it is relative to what we’re used to, what our ambitions and goals are and how we achieve the things we want.

If you were born into Paris Hilton’s life and then you had to go into an upper-middle class family it would be torture whereas a kid from a project would probably revel at the chance to live in such an enjoyment.

Getting Shut Down

Have you ever looked back on an experience you’ve had that made your life miserable but it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to you?

For me, this was when I was starting 9th grade and received treatment for being potentially suicidal. At the time I knew I just had a lot of shit I needed to work through. I knew that I did not need a psychologist but no one would listen to me.

how to cure shyness

Don’t get me wrong, this was rightly so as we are taught that psychologists and other “trained professionals” are the solution to this sort of thing so I don’t hold it against my parents for taking me to one.

After I sort of “woke up” on the other end of this situation however I found myself in a unique place. It was as if I was seeing the first sunrise of my life.

I swore to myself after that moment that I was never going to settle on anything again… I was going to reach my full potential no matter what I did.

Looking back now I realized that this probably would have been an unrealistic expectation had it not been for the internet – or more directly, had I not had free access to knowledge and information from all different perspectives… I had access to all the knowledge and information I needed so that whenever I needed to learn something it was more or less right at my fingertips.

Sometimes it took me a few hours of searching to put it at my fingertips but I always found it.

Looking back now I wonder what my life would have been like had it not had that experience.

I surely would still be letting women, my parents and society walk all over me; I would have been a miserable adult and a miserable human being were it not for that one event.

As bad as the emotional situation itself was would I go back and change things today?

Not for all the money in the world!

Getting shut down isn’t a bad thing if you know how to work with it.

Unfortunately for me working through this pain at the time was not something I knew how to do, but again I swore to find a way through it.

no more shy guy

Over the years I have taught myself how to use/practice hypnosis, NLP, sing, play guitar, drums and piano. I have taught myself how to analyze every emotion that I do not want to feel and work through it.

I taught myself about philosophy, psychology, building and programming computers, wiring and understanding electronics and many other skills that have served me well.

When I struggled I never once blamed anyone for my struggles or failure. I just went on looking for a solution no matter how long it takes. As a side effect this taught me perseverance, self-reliance and not to blame anyone but myself for my outcomes and how to understand and really keep an open-mind to all things.

Keeping an open-mind is something I can’t emphasize enough. In fact let me ask you a question.

Which reality do you hold:

1) Seeing is believing

2) Believing is seeing

If you hold reality number one you are going to substantially limit yourself.

For example, let’s say you accept that Nebraska is the best state to live. You reply to everyone you meet who is not from Nebraska by telling them about how great Nebraska is and begin telling them why it is better than the other 49 states you have never been to.

If you don’t give the other 49 states a chance how will you truly know what you are missing and what opportunities might be passing you by because of your closed-mindedness?

being an alpha male

If you really want to succeed in life you have to be willing to take random and risky opportunities that are thrown your way, be ready to sift through them and be ready to fail.

Otherwise you are never going to find the best in yourself.

Even worse, you will never find the achievement you truly desire out of life – you will never be happy.

Almost everything you learn in life is going to be useful to one degree or another somewhere else.

Sometimes all it comes down to is two choices:

1) Be miserable the way you are and do nothing and stay miserable for the rest of your life.

2) Be miserable for and work your ass off for months or years and eventually find happiness.

So you weren’t born in to the Hilton or the Richie family? Touch shit neither was I. If your life situation is bad it is not worth a damn to compare yourself to anyone but yourself.

If your life is not so great comparing it to others isn’t going to magically make it better. We have to work with what’s in front of us and find a way to build up to what we want in front of us because nothing else is going to make us happy or get us to where we want to go.

Which one of those two roads you want to drive down is really your choice but it is important to consider the long term and not the short term.

Short term you are going to be miserable either way but long term you can become happy if you are willing to work at it.

Have you ever had an experience where you just were not willing to give up on something you wanted to obtain or achieve?

That time when you wanted that one special achievement and you had to fall on your face a hundred times to get it but on the hundredth time you were wildly successful and you can still see the results of that today.

Looking back you probably wonder how different your life would have been if you had not taken that one simple little risk and you’re glad you did.

We humans like to live in the present and don’t take the time to visualize and conceive how much happier we will be in the future and what we will be missing out on if we don’t take this chance.


What it ultimately comes down to is something I like to call playful pretending. Are you the kind of guy who sits around and plays around all day pretending things will get better but constantly gets the same old results or are you the kind of guy who really struggles to make things better now and ultimately arrives where you want?

The most important thing in doing this is going to be finding your blockers; the things that stop you from being successful. This can range from something as large as every move you make with a woman to just not knowing how to ask for her phone number.

Whatever you’re happiness puzzle is missing you need to look high and low to find that missing piece and put in the effort of figuring out where it goes.

If you make a personal point to make yourself in to the man who says,

“I’m going to get what I want! I am going to achieve this no matter what it takes!”

then you will eventually get the results you want.

If you want a new skill these days I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit excuses. With the internet at your fingertips you have no excuse for not finding something or someone that can help you achieve the results you want out of life.