How To Deal With Criticism And Succeed
Let’s talk for a minute about criticism. Criticism can be a nasty part of life, but it can also be a wonderful opportunity to learn something if you handle it correctly. For example, we all know there are people out there who only get satisfaction from putting others down. If this describes someone in your life, get rid of them, you don’t need that negative energy around you!
If this typically describes one person who has criticized you, or a woman who didn’t respond to you, you need to develop the “I don’t care” attitude, and let those situations just bounce off you. Don’t let it affect you!
However, if you start noticing a trend – let’s say 10 people have all told you in one way or another that you’re lazy and don’t seem to care about anyone but yourself – take notice! It is you, and you need to be aware of how you come across and change so you can have meaningful connections and relationships with others.
You also need to go into every encounter knowing that not everyone is meant to click together, and some people just aren’t meant to be a part of your life. It’s as simple as that, so get over it when it happens. You need to start being self-assured about who you are and not have a set back if one person doesn’t like you, doesn’t respond to you, or says something that really jars you. A strong, confident man is not influenced by what others say. A strong confident man is not swayed if one woman rejects him. A strong confident man actually doesn’t mind being rejected, because it means that he is going out and trying to connect.
The only criticism you should listen to is anything that becomes a common theme after meeting 20 or 30 people, not after meeting only one woman. The problem is it’s really natural to dwell on what that one person thinks, and in fact, many of you dwell on it to the point you quit right then and there, and decide the pain of rejection is not worth whatever lies on the other side of it. Don’t be that guy! Don’t quit at the first hint of things not going as planned!
I don’t do well with quitters. I got an e-mail from somebody the other day that said, “ I tried this approach; I tried it one time, and it just doesn’t work for me. Is there anything else I can do? I wrote the person back and I said, “Yeah, you can go out and do it a 100 times until you get it right.” Hell, I did it. This person wrote back and said “No, I can’t do that. It didn’t work the first time.”
Let me tell you something right now. If you go out and do everything that is written in this and other articles, and you do it over and over again, you will succeed. Life is a numbers game. It is a game of repetition. Peyton Manning throws the same pass over and over again to Reggie Wayne during practice so that they can get it right during the game. They both know they’re not practicing to be perfect, but instead setting realistic goals like completing the majority of their passes.
They work hard in practice so they can have those few receptions that everyone remembers. And guess what? When you’re good, you forget about the drops, the incomplete passes, and focus on the very next play. Because that very next play could be the defining play of the drive, quarter, game, or Super Bowl. It doesn’t matter, because you have a system behind you that works and will lead to success, no matter the situation.
Repetition is the key to life. If you are a quitter, then stop reading now, rip it up, shred it, and just go back to searching for the magic pill. Don’t say I didn’t warn you though, because the magic pill doesn’t exist and you’ll spend your entire life chasing a mirage. The information in this article is only for people who really want to move forward and make their lives work.
OK, so now that you’re reading this line, we both know you’re not a quitter and we can move back on track and talk about your fears and excuses.
Let me tell you about something I see all the time. A lot of guys I have coached over the years truly believed that they were front-page news. They imagined that if they would go and do something or speak to a woman and they would fail, the other people around them were going to criticize and gossip about them. They worried that any woman who rejected him was going to tell all her friends.
This is so far from the truth! In reality, people are so consumed with themselves, that even if you do fail or strike out, others have no interest in talking about it with anybody else. And It really doesn’t matter what other people think about you! The best way to overcome this is to learn how to be playful, and not take yourself so seriously. By learning how to be playful, you’re actually going to get out of your head and stop thinking the world is criticizing you.
I know this is tough, but you have to learn to do it. In fact it’s tough even for me sometimes, even after all my experience not letting my fears lead to excuses, it still happens to me. I remember when I first put my videos up on YouTube, I had no idea what was going to happen. I put the first video up, and people we’re raking me over the coals. Some people said I was old. Some said I was ugly. Some said that my advice wasn’t very good, and some said that I’m not a pick up artist (Of course not, I’m not trying to be a PUA guy!). Most of it was positive, but I only saw the negative stuff, because I felt like it was attacking me!
Not only was I posting videos on YouTube, but I was also writing for Yahoo, and Yahoo allows people to post comments, and people would post horrible stuff. I quickly realized what was happening, that I was letting my misplaced fear of not having everyone like me as a person, overtake my reality – that these people didn’t know who I was, didn’t care to learn, and I didn’t need to care about them! It doesn’t really matter what other people think about you, and it’ll drive you crazy trying to defend yourself to the world. It only matters how you criticize and evaluate yourself. Howard Stern said it best when asked how he deals with the haters. He basically looked at the reporter said, “You know, the haters are… I don’t care about the haters. I’ve created an emotion in somebody, and I’d rather create an emotion for someone than be somebody walking around without creating any emotion in people.”
That’s what I want you to learn to do, become someone who really doesn’t care what strangers think about them. Want to know why? Because the important people in your life aren’t strangers, and the people who matter might start off as strangers, but they won’t remain strangers. So you need to learn to accept yourself. There are things that you can’t change like your height, your eye color, the texture of your hair, etc. But the one thing you can always change is your attitude and the way you go out and approach the world.
If you don’t, here’s the situation that will keep replaying in your life, and one that I’m sure you are already familiar with. Imagine there’s a hot woman standing there, and you want to talk to her. You start to think about what you’re going to say, but then Mr. Fear shows up and invites Mr. Excuse, who pretends to soothe you… “It’s OK buddy. You don’t need to do this right now. It’s OK; you don’t need to approach her. It’s all right, it’s not the right time, it’s not the perfect moment because… [insert yet another fear/excuse here]”
Here’s the scoop.
There is no perfect moment. There is no right time, because you will always come up with an excuse based on a fear. You need to realize right now that these fears and excuses are preventing you from meeting some really great people!
After talking to thousands of singles worldwide, I can assure you of one thing: Everyone is just as afraid as you’ve been when it comes to meeting someone new. Everyone has the same thoughts that race through their mind when they see someone they think is exceptionally good-looking, or has a great personality – I promise. So if everyone has been afraid, and yet some people seem to do it easily and without fear, what does that tell you? They made the decision to not let fears and excuses run their lives, and you can too.
What are your usual “fears”?
Take a moment to write down as many fears and excuses as possible that you’ve used before which prevent you from approaching women. Please don’t be easy on yourself. Be honest — we’re building your groundwork, remember? If you’re having trouble coming up with them, think back to the last time you saw that really hot girl but didn’t approach her. Where were you, what were you doing, and what was the situation? Once you put yourself back in that mindset, you’ll be able to remember whatever it was that you told yourself that prevented you from talking to her.
By the way, the difference between a fear and an excuse is this: a fear is what you’re afraid might happen, an excuse is what you tell yourself so you can avoid your fear. For example, a fear could be “I’m afraid of looking like an idiot in front of this hot girl…” and an excuse would be “I don’t have anything interesting to say to her.”