How To Deal With Rejection And Know Your Value
It’s actually somewhat hard to believe in the traditional concept of ‘rejection’ when you’ve been out there approaching and interacting with women for a long while. This is not just because you’ve gotten good and are getting better results, but also because you’ve developed a better understanding of yourself, your value, and how completely random human interaction and connection is. You’ll have a great interaction with one women, and then 20 minutes later you’ll get blown off by another. It actually becomes somewhat amusing. When you’re selfvalidated enough, and you’ve tasted some success, a girl “rejecting” you really does feel like as much her loss as yours, if not more.
I believe that what we call ‘rejection’ is nothing more than incompatibility. I know that I may be repeating myself on some of this mindset stuff but I assure you – this is the true magic. Not the lines, not the approach, not even the women – it’s how you think. And it’s why most guys fail with women.
If I approach a woman and I’m ‘rejected’, I know that it’s really nothing too personal and nothing to be taken to heart. I know that I’m a funny, intelligent, motivated, attractive, successful guy who lives an interesting life and dates great women. I honestly do feel that any girl is lucky to spend some time with me, including the one who just rejected me. I don’t consider that arrogance – you should feel that as well – that’s just having a healthy self-esteem. If I’m rejected, it’s simply that she has a partner, the timing is off, she’s having a bad day, I’m having a bad day, I’m not her type, she’s not my type, she didn’t like my approach, she didn’t find me attractive, etc. but more than anything, it’s the fact that we simply weren’t compatible. By that, I mean that we all have some people who are on our wavelength, and others who aren’t. Some people are similar to us, familiar to us – we just click with them – and others we don’t. And we recognize whether we do or not very quickly, largely on a subconscious level. We feel it. I’m sure that you’ve looked at someone from across a room and despite their looks, there was something about them that you just liked, or didn’t like. Yes, appearance plays a large part in attraction, but our overall ‘type’ is also hugely influenced by our upbringing, our genetics, our immune system, our past experiences, our culture, our parents, etc. (i.e. subconscious stuff), and it’s all of this which is determining your type – and the girl’s type – more than anything.
Have you ever noticed that you tend to attract similar types of people, and are attracted to similar types of people, over and over again? I believe that this is why. Like attracts like. Water finds its own level. There’s something deep in you that is attracted to a type of woman, and it’s the same for women. You can have two women of similar appearance, with similar jobs, and similar personalities – and one will reject you, while the other will love you. And this is where guys very often make the mistake of considering only the girl’s appearance – “If an 8 loves me, why would a 6 not?” I hate to use those ratings but I’m making a point, and it’s that who you click with, and who clicks with you, is based largely on what is going on underneath, much more than just your appearance and your level of game. This makes rejection and success seem very random, but when you realise this for yourself, you won’t take it personally anymore – especially when you do start dating some great girls.
Now, this is not to say that if you’re getting nowhere with women to just use this as an excuse to not learn and grow. If you’re getting shut down time and time again, then obviously, you need to work on something. It could be your approach (Learn how to approach girls), your appearance (help – you can improve your appearance), your dress sense, your vibe, your energy, your beliefs, which girls you’re approaching, how you’re approaching, etc. however be sure that this is after considerable experience. Like I’ve previously mentioned, don’t go out and get three rejections, and conclude that you must be doing it wrong. Three approaches is nothing. Even ten approaches is nothing. I do that in one night. If you’re doing maybe thirty or forty approaches and are still getting nothing, then maybe you need to pay attention to something.
Rejection Is A Huge Opportunity To Grow
Again, I know that I’ve banged on about this a lot, and you’re probably just wanted to get to the parts on what to say and how to take her home – don’t worry, they’re coming up. Without I assure you that without a good grasp of these fundamentals, whatever you say or do won’t work.
I really need you to remember that after each rejection – that little sting, that sense of embarrassment, that feeling of not being good enough – is an amazing opportunity to go inside and strengthen yourself. This is your chance to become truly confident, much more attractive, and to ultimately date more attractive women. Strength for women is what appearance is for men. So after any bad approach or interaction, take a moment to step back and reward yourself for having stepped up to the plate. Remind yourself of how worthy and awesome you are. Think about what’s great about yourself and remind yourself that you’re on your way to getting more of what you want in your life.
Keep It Real
Don’t live in fantasy-land. Yes, on some level, in some situations, some girls are “better” than you. For instance, if you walk into a club and there is a stunning girl there – she does have more social value than you in that situation, especially if you’re a newbie with low social-value. To deny that and carry on with the whole “No I’m the prize” is deluded and not very helpful. You are both prizes. Society may just price them differently in this situation. You’re both just human beings who take daily shits and have insecurities (yes, hot girls do indeed have their own insecurities). She’s struggling in her life with her own issues just as much as you are in yours. So even though on a social value level, a hot girl is going to be generally ‘above’ you, you need to see everyone as human, even if society does treat her like a goddess and you as just another dude.
Work on the value that you’re bringing to the table yourself. Someone once asked me if my job involved “getting 4s to approach 10s” and my response was that I’m more interested in “helping 4s become 10s”. Don’t be like the “Looks don’t count” guys who spend years getting shut down repeatedly because they don’t think that they have to improve themselves. But also don’t be the guy walking around thinking that he could “never get a girl like that”. And definitely, understand rejection. You can do an approach perfectly and have it not work out, and you can do some clunky-arsed approach and get a date from it. You can get rejected from one girl and then have the exact same type of approach work out an exactly the same type of girl an hour later. There’s no consistency, and there are so many factors at play – so to just see rejection as “I’m not good enough. I’m failing at this” is crazy.
1. Write A Value Essay
Write a 1000 word essay on your value. What do you like about yourself, and what are you bringing to the table in dating? Why would a girl be lucky to be with you? What do you really value in yourself and what do you think you have that offers other people value? Don’t just give stock standard answers like “I’m nice” or “I’m funny” – really get into it. The more detail that you give, the more impact that this will have on you (and thus, the more emotional leverage you will get from the exercise). That’s why I’m asking for 1000 words, so you can’t skimp on the detail.
If you don’t know how to write an essay read this.
Why would she date you over someone else? What’s unique about you? What’s a girl missing out on if she rejects you? What’re your own personal prized traits? To use myself as an example, if a girl starts spending time with me, she’ll very often start seeing life differently. I think differently, I live differently, I live on my own terms – in life, dating, business, etc. and I believe that that rubs off on people around me. I love helping others improve their lives and find more peace within themselves, so a girl that is spending time with me (dating or even just plutonic) is likely going to find more motivation to create the life that she wants. I also love to delve into people’s heads and discuss deep matters that other people rarely do. So I love to have women/people thinking “Huh, that’s interesting. I didn’t see things that way”
Will this be the case with all women that I spend time with? No. But with most women? Yes. I’ve seen it time and time again with the women that I’ve dated. That is just one example of the value that I feel I have. You can see how something like that is much more powerful than just “I’m funny” or “I’m loyal”
It’s very powerful to know this about yourself. In fact, I would say that it’s critical. So get to that now – nothing less than 1000 words.
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