How To Develop An Attractive Core Identity
You could have a powerful focus, an invincible state and full, glowing expression, but if your intention has nothing to do with attracting women, you will not attract women.
I have met some very financially successful men who could attract wealth like Donald Trump, but because their identity had nothing to do with being attractive to women, they failed miserably with the opposite sex.
Below is a list of some beliefs that you should consider taking on for yourself and making part of your identity.
There may be other beliefs that are good for you as a person, but are not necessary for success with women. For example, I believe that having high moral character is important in life, but I know many men who have no morals whatsoever who are incredible with women.
In order to keep this discussion on-topic, I’ve left these types of beliefs off the list.
If one of the following beliefs isn’t for you, that’s fine too. I’m just letting you know what I have seen in other men who are successful with women, and also letting you know that adopting these will most likely increase your odds of success.
If something seems uncomfortable at first, or seems to conflict with who you are as a person, simply ask yourself: “Is this something I could see myself adopting, without sacrificing who I am?” or “What would happen if I did adopt this belief?”
You may learn more about the source of what is holding you back.
The Eleven Immutable Laws Of An Attractive Identity
1. You are OK right now.
Self control is rooted in self-acceptance.
Know that you are ok as you are. You are a human being, evolved over millions of years to eat, sleep, breathe and express your self.
There is nothing inherently wrong with you, no matter what you have been told. Any personal criticism of your body or character came from someone who themselves believed the Great Lie – “I am not ok as I am.”
Accept that you are ok, but also recognize that you want to grow and change as a person, and that is ok, as well.
When you accept yourself, you do not need others to accept or approve of you.
You will cease to explain yourself to other people, impress people, or surrender your social status.
It is quite an accomplishment to attain this level of consciousness. Don’t fret over this. Make it a direction to move toward throughout your life.
2. You are comfortable in a position of leadership.
You may not have much experience leading others, or taking the lead with women. For now, that’s ok. Just know that you do have the innate ability, even though you might not have the experience.
The most important part of being a leader is taking responsibility for the group. You move the group in an intelligent direction. The entire group benefits from your leadership.
You are a protector of others. You encourage others to contribute what they can and you let them know their contribution is appreciated.
With women, your job is to take responsibility for escalation and sex. Don’t doubt that she wants it, but don’t expect her to explicitly agree to or actively initiate it. It’s your responsibility to make the escalation smooth and comfortable.
Respect her social reputation – but at the same time, encourage her to express her sexual self fully once the two of you are alone.
Notice that this law states that you are comfortable in a position of leadership, but also remember that you don’t always need to be the leader of every situation.
Have you ever been around someone who is always trying to impose his leadership on the people around him?
It’s not that fun, and it’s also a sign of weakness and insecurity.
Understand that it’s ok to lie back, relax and let others share in the responsibility sometimes. Knowing when to lead and when not to lead is as important as the leadership itself.
3. You have come to terms with your sexuality.
A guy might be relatively inexperienced, or even a virgin. He may not feel comfortable touching women or being intimate with them. But his desire must be there.
If your mom or dad saw you talking to a woman, would you become embarrassed and try to hide it from them?
If so, then you still need to come to terms with your desires.
You must be unapologetic for your desire. Your actions should make it clear to every person in your life that you’re attracted to women, pursue them and love having fun with them.
4. You have a vision and goals outside of meeting women.
Well, you didn’t think you’d seduce her by talking about your pick up hobby, did you?
Women are attracted to men with passion. I don’t know how many women I have attracted simply by talking about playing guitar. I didn’t even have to write a single love song! (Not that it would have helped, anyway)
Your vision does not have to be outrageous or grand. You just need something that’s more important than women to focus your attention on.
What is your vision? What do you live for? What wonderful world can you bring her into that makes her feel like her life is more meaningful when she’s supporting you?
Women have evolved to be happiest when then they are supporting their man. One common mistake men make is that they try to play supporting role to her lead role, thus sacrificing their own vision.
I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be supportive of her goals and passions. In fact, relationships can be true partnerships this way. But just remember not to sacrifice your vision and allow her to support your passionate lead.
5. You bring an incredible positive energy to any social interaction.
If you know a guy who is naturally excellent with women, I’m sure you’ve already noticed this. Guys who are great with women are fun as hell to be around – their energy is addictive.
They remind you that life is meant to be enjoyed. They remind you that no matter what is going on at the moment, things will work out just fine.
These guys are always exciting, and their sheer presence will distract you from the stress and worry of your life.
Discover that you can cultivate this energy within yourself. Learn to see only positivity in situations. Negativity is draining. It sucks the life out of you and the people around you.
Cultivate an easy, relaxed sense of humor. You don’t need to be actually funny, just say things like you mean them and don’t take life so seriously.
When things aren’t going well, instead of bringing a person’s attention to their problems, just support them with your presence.
A woman already has a mother, a boss and a dozen male girlfriends who try to give her solutions for all her problems. That’s not your role.
6. You are unattached to outcomes and do not get upset easily.
This follows from law #5.
No one wants to be around a person that gets upset easily. You can never relax around them.
People get upset when they mentally commit to some outcome, and the outcome doesn’t pan out.
You instead want to interpret every outcome as a success or learning experience. Learn to see a positive side to everything.
Being spontaneous is a byproduct of this. Spontaneity is best achieved when you are not attached an outcome. You must also detach from a particular structure, line, past failures and even past successes.
I used to put incredible pressure on myself to have sex with a girl on the first date. Not only would she pick up on the fact that I had an agenda, it made my time with her more uncomfortable.
It made it harder for me to be flexible. It ultimately made me enjoy the woman less.
Once I realized the kind of torture that I was putting myself through, I made the conscious shift to thinking: “No matter what the outcome is I will enjoy the interaction to my best ability.”
And you know what happened? I actually started closing the deal much faster, with a fraction of the effort!
7. You have strict rules about what kinds of behavior you do or do not accept from other people.
I know some men that have taken Law #6 too far.
They get to the point where everything is cool; they allow endless flaking or other bad behavior on a woman’s part.
Yes, you should be unattached to outcomes, yes you should be able to flow with whatever situation you are in – but there is a limit.
If you subject yourself to the whims of others, especially people who disrespect your time and energy, your quality of life will suffer.
So while it is great to be laid back and accepting of things, you should also be willing to walk away from a woman who is unreliable, disrespectful, or generally incompatible with your lifestyle goals.
Many men are in such a state of scarcity that they will stick around or continue to pursue a woman even if she is making them miserable. Not only that, they will actually end up chasing her harder every time she disrespects them!
That kind of conduct rewards her and thus reinforces her bad behavior. As a result, she will start doing much more of it.
The worse sin of all is attempting to physically escalate immediately after she shows disinterest or non-compliance. Not only will she reject it, but she will also begin to perceive you as sexually repulsive. (No matter how “traditionally” good looking you are!)
The key is to really understand what “bad behavior” is, and be ready to punish it by withdrawing your attention in whole or in part, the very instant you sense it.
8. You are interested in human psychology.
Even if a “Natural” doesn’t use complicated acronyms and sophisticated cognitive behavioral models, one thing is for sure. He pays attention to people.
Guys that are excellent with women are interested in human behavior and leverage their understanding to get their desired outcome.
I do not mean by manipulation. I just mean that they pay attention to what works and what doesn’t, and then adjust their behaviors accordingly.
will also point out that on some level, there is no such thing as a “natural”. Game is always learned.
These guys weren’t born with a part of the brain that you or I are missing, they were simply lucky enough to immediately reject society’s false ideas about attraction and dating. They knew enough to pay attention to social situations as they happened – that’s it.
There are the guys who learned it while growing up and then there are guys like me who were blind to it for years. I didn’t start learning until I fell flat on my face. I made a firm decision to turn things around and started playing hard-core catch-up.
9. You are playful.
There can be many degrees of playfulness. On one hand you can be cracking jokes, talking about silly nonsense or even poking fun at other people around you.
On the other hand, it simply means that you don’t take things so seriously.
You understand that communication doesn’t have to be logical, you don’t always have to agree with people (or disagree, for that matter), and that conversation doesn’t always have an obvious purpose.
Having conversations and interacting with people is good for your emotional health and can be done for absolutely no reason at all.
Women intuitively know this and will have conversations for hours that make absolutely no sense from the outside.
I remember being a kid, listening to my mom on the phone with her sisters or friends and they would literally talk for hours about nothing.
Now, I’m not suggesting you should throw all productivity, purpose and efficiency out the window… but I am suggesting that when you’re first talking to a woman, you shouldn’t take things too seriously.
One of my major sticking points growing up was that I tried to win arguments with women. I thought – Then they would realize I’m smarter than them and would be attracted to me!
Wow. What was I thinking?
There’s no bigger turn off to a woman than a guy who is always trying to one-up her. Don’t try to win arguments, just assume your dominant place as a man.
Would you ever argue with a 5 year-old child?
Of course you wouldn’t. You would agree, tell them how smart they were, meanwhile quietly thinking to yourself that this child has a lot to learn.
Be humble, if a girl calls you out, or makes fun of you, don’t resist it, be humble and play along.
10. You are comfortable in social situations.
Some people are comfortable with computers and can build them from scratch. Others are comfortable fixing car transmissions.
As a pick-up artist, your expertise lies in social situations.
When faced with the choice between performing a technical task and a social one, I’ll always choose the social one. For example, I don’t like to cook so I use my social skills to get people (usually women) to cook for me.
Even if it’s uncomfortable and challenging, you should be fearlessly pushing yourself into new social situations.
I remember being scared of bouncers. I was afraid of trying to negotiate to get my friends and me in without having to wait in line or pay a ridiculous cover.
I realized that the fear was irrational; a bouncer isn’t going to kick your ass just for trying to get in more easily! Once I realized it, I began to push and see what else I could pull off.
11. You have a deep knowingness that women want you.
If there’s one thing that all naturals have it’s a very absolute and authoritative sense that all women want them.
It comes across in their body language, it comes across in their energy and most importantly it comes across in their subtle facial expressions, eye contact and vocal tonality.
I think with me, it comes across as a very knowing, sly smirk…
And here’s the best part – this type of thing is very easily practiced. It’s as simple as thinking “How would I feel, and how would I communicate if I knew for certain this woman wanted me… bad.”
Then, make every communication filter through that frame of mind.
I’d like you to take a moment and go through the above list of eleven laws. Which beliefs do you already embrace? Which ones still need some work?
If you have a few that need work, then make a personal commitment to yourself to do something in line with those beliefs every day.
If you do this consistently, in a few months you’ll notice a dramatic increase in your success with women.