How To Get Rid Of Fear And Meet More Women
This article brings you the opinions of the famous pickup artists on how to get rid of fear of rejection and meet more women in your life.
David Wygant Says
Here‟s the thing about the fear of rejection. The fear of rejection is only inside of your head. For instance, say you‟re standing in line at the market or at a Starbuck‟s and you start looking around thinking, “God, I don‟t want to talk to this woman right now because other people are going to see me doing that, and then they‟ll start talking about me.”
When was the last time you picked up a newspaper or got on an Internet site, Google or Yahoo, and saw yourself on there being talked about by other people? Everybody else is so into their own lives, they don‟t notice your life because they‟ve got their own inner game issues. They‟ve got their own fears they‟re thinking about. So I kind of started laughing about that because I started realizing, “Why am I not talking to this person? Do I really care what the register person at Starbucks has to say? They don‟t even know me and they‟ve got their own monkey chat.” So that‟s how I got through this ridiculous approach anxiety. I realized that nobody cared about me because they have their own shit to care about.
Dean Cortez’s Advice
The best way to overcome this anxiety about getting rejected is to start taking a lot of what I call “batting practice” – constantly meeting and talking to new women. The guys who are really good with girls are meeting new women and expanding their social circles on a daily basis.
For instance, if I‟m eating breakfast at a coffee shop, I‟m going to knock my waitress. I don‟t care if she is 45 years old and I would never want to sleep with her. I still want to take a few minutes to get to know her name, a few things about her, and put a smile on her face. I try to charm every woman who I come into contact with. So it‟s a mental adjustment and a lifestyle adjustment because you want to believe in your own mind that you are a guy women love to interact with.
When you‟re constantly talking to new women and getting positive responses, it reinforces your confidence. And then when you see that girl you do want to sleep with or ask out or whatever, talking to her is just a part of your natural routine and it‟s amazing how comfortable you get talking to new women.
Now, the other part of overcoming rejection in this whole fear thing is how you frame it in your own mind. And it all comes down to having a scarcity mentality or having an abundance mentality. I would say that more than 90% of men go through their lives with this terrible scarcity mentality: “Oh my God, that chick is so hot. I may never get another chance. I‟ve got to figure out something to say. You know, I don‟t want to blow this.” Or they start dating a girl and they desperately try to cling to that girl because they‟re so afraid of losing her. And of course, they do lose her because women can smell this weakness and neediness all over the guy like cheap cologne.
So stop looking at it in terms of either this girl is going to accept you or she‟s going to reject you. You‟ve got to flip the script. When you talk to women, what you‟re essentially doing is you‟re giving them the chance to demonstrate why they deserve a spot on your team.
So when I talk to a girl, I‟m thinking, “This girl is either going to be cool or she‟s going to demonstrate to me why she‟s worthy of my time and attention or else she‟s going to show to me that she‟s lame and not worth my time and I‟ll move on.”
I maintain an abundance mentality because once you‟ve gotten good at this stuff and you learn these techniques, you begin to realize that the world out there is one of voluminous opportunities.
DJ Fuji’s Advice
I think it‟s not a matter of overcoming the fear of rejection as much as it is not letting it affect you and being able to manage it. It is being able to realize on a logical level that it is no different from any other emotion. So when you go to a scary movie, you don‟t run out of the theater screaming when there is a guy with a chainsaw on the screen because on a logical level you know that it is not real. Well, the rejection is not real. It doesn‟t affect you because you won‟t see those people again.
When you are approaching strangers, you‟re talking to strangers. Their rejection – whether it‟s now or later or never – doesn‟t really affect your life. So I would say on that logical level we realize that this is just an emotion that feels real, but is not real and it doesn‟t have any impact in your life.
John Alanis’s Advice
You‟ve got to realize that it‟s a fear, and it‟s not a fear of snakes or anything that‟s going to hurt. It‟s a completely imagined, ingrained fear that we pick up. The way that I overcame it is was by starting out doing the smallest thing you possibly do to get success with a woman. I always tell a guy just smile at her and she‟ll smile back.
It‟s a psychological technique, the mirror effect, used by salesmen. And so when a woman smiles back at you, then you have a little bit of proof that you‟re not unattractive to women and then the fear begins to dissipate. So maybe the next time you will actually smile bigger and then the next time you talk to her.
So what you really do is you begin to ladder off with this rejection and perk yourself a little bit more: Women don‟t reject me when I smile at them. Women don‟t reject me when I say “hi.” Women don‟t reject me when I have a conversation. They don‟t reject me when I say, “Let‟s continue this somewhere else.” Then all of a sudden, you realize that it‟s nothing more than a bogeyman, and the fear disappears because you know how they‟re going to respond to you when you engage in certain behavior. You start very small, and then work your way up with that. The fear of rejection will eventually dissipate and you wonder why you ever had it in the first place.
Kezia Noble’s Advice
For most guys this is very close to approach anxiety. This is what 9 times out of 10 fuels approach anxiety: They are outcome dependent. When they see a beautiful woman, they‟ve already made up their mind that they want to get her number and they want to sleep with her just based on the fact that she looks kind of hot. So what I teach my students is how to get out of becoming outcome dependent. That is much for effective than just talking about how to deal with rejection.
A good little trick is to not always rank every girl a 10. Most guys would look at a beautiful woman when she walks into a bar full of ugly men and they‟ll give her a 9. You should always compare her to the hottest woman in the world, let‟s say, Angelina Jolie or Scarlett Johansson. And suddenly that other girl becomes a 7 rather than a 10. Look at her again. Is there something else with maybe her mouth or ways she could be better? So you become more and more fussy. The approach anxiety starts to tone down a lot more and you don‟t think about rejection so much anymore. You‟re not so outcome dependent because you‟re just going in there to have a conversation.
You‟re going to see if she is good enough. She‟s not just a 9 anymore; she‟s a 7 or 6 at best. Look and talk to her to determine if she has what you really require for her to be in your life or for you to even sleep with her and suddenly you‟re the one with all the power. You go in there and you‟re thinking, “OK, she‟s kind of hot, she‟s not a 9, she‟s a 6, and I‟m going to see if she fits in and if I can check off these requirement boxes that I have and maybe then, maybe I‟ll ask her for her number.” But just go in to have a conversation. You can‟t have any outcome dependence if you are just going there for a conversation.
The answer that nobody likes to hear is the way you overcome fear of rejection is getting rejected repeatedly, actually, as much as possible. I always try to hammer into guy’s heads that rejection is a good thing. They need to become acquainted with it and learn to appreciate it really. Because the quicker you get used to being rejected, the quicker you’re going to become successful.
Treat it as if every woman who rejects you, you are basically screening them out. If a woman rejects you right off the bat, then she was probably never good for you anyway. As soon as guys flip that in their head – that rejection is a good thing and it’s something to appreciate – they can start to not let it affect them so much.
Marni Wing Girl”s Advice
They should practice, practice, practice and get out there. Get out there and encounter women, encounter rejection and then also encounter successes, but really just practice.