How To Show Your Value To A Woman
let’s look in detail at the four major ways you can demonstrate your value to a woman.
Live demonstrations are when a woman sees your value first hand. It could be that she sees you making conversation with other strangers (demonstration of Social Intelligence),that you ask her to have a cup of coffee with you (demonstration of Confidence) or that she comes back to your place and sees one of your golfing trophies (demonstration of Passion).
Showing a woman a live demonstration is the most powerful way demonstrating value. Imagine the richest man in the world telling you he is the richest man in the world. You would be more impressed if you could see some first-hand evidence of his wealth; for example, a mansion or a private island.
Authority demonstrations are when a woman sees that you understand a topic and have experience within it, without you directly telling her why. In other words, you show that you have knowledge on a topic, but you don’t mention the details of how you came to acquire that knowledge.
For example, if you visited Japan for a few months to train in Kendo (Japanese sword fighting), you could show a bit of value by telling a woman, “I went to Japan last year for three months and trained in the art of Kendo with some of the top samurai in the country.” This is anecdotal evidence, as we’ll come onto below.
But if you omit the anecdotal details and instead show authority of the subject of Japan or Kendo, then it will show even more value. For example, if you’re in a Japanese restaurant, you could say, “I love watching Japanese chefs make sushi. The Japanese have an attention to detail and a work ethic unparalled by most other cultures in the world. It’s just like how they practice Kendo. Even though it can be a violent sport, there’s a beauty and a grace in how the two opponents move in relation to each other.”
This isn’t about trying to “one-up” someone with knowledge. When you do an authoritative demonstration of your value, show that you understand the area the other person is talking about and offer value to the conversation by sharing interesting or useful information on it.
When you are showing a woman your value, authoritative demonstrations are the most powerful method you have after live demonstrations.
Anecdotal demonstrations are when you tell a woman a story or something about yourself that directly implicates your value. The obvious way to do this is in the form of simple identity or achievement statements, for example, “I’m a musician,” or “I go rock climbing at the weekends.” The more subtle and more powerful way to do it is to embed it in the context of something else, for example, “Rome is really interesting, I was on tour there last year,” or “Can you grab that for me? I hurt my arm when I was climbing last weekend.”
Third-party demonstrations come from other people telling the woman about your value, for example, a friend of yours or a stranger mentions to her that you are a musician or that you are a national rock-climbing champion. This is an enormously powerful source of evidence – because it comes from a source less biased than you – but oftentimes is out of your control. The major thing you can do to facilitate third party evidence for your value is bring the women you meet into your social circle or to a venue where you have good relationships with people there. They will talk positively about you and that will make the woman more attracted to you.
Let’s look at some examples of statements you could make that would show value. Have a think about what kinds of value you think they show.
The food in Rome is incredible; Italian food everywhere else doesn’t taste quite as good as it does there.
Most people are afraid of taking risks for the things they want in life. When I approached you, I had no idea what you were going to say or be like, but I’d rather find out than not. It’s the same with starting a new business.
I think it’s important to be open-minded in life. I know that in the music world, if you shut yourself off to new musical perspectives, you end up producing the same tune over and over again. But by being experimental and looking at other perspectives, you gain new inspiration. It’s the same with meeting new people.
Now let’s have a look at how attraction statements can be worked into an initial conversation.
John: Excuse me, I just saw you walking towards me and I had to tell you that you look incredible. This outfit is so elegant and the way you walk is so graceful.
Sarah: Thank you!
John: What’s your name?
John: I’m John, pleased to meet you, Sarah. So what are you doing today?
Sarah: Oh I’m just going to meet some friends for lunch.
John: That’s cool. I was actually just going to meet some friends when I saw you walking past. They are going to be annoyed with me for being late by talking to you, but I know I would be more annoyed if I let you walk past without saying hello. So tell me Sarah, what do you do for a living?
Sarah: I’m an accountant.
John: Yes, I thought so. You have a very “calculated” way of walking. I didn’t know accountants were allowed to be this attractive. I figured you had to be a geeky dude with glasses. The guys in the office must go nuts over you. What made you get into accounting?
Sarah: Well, the pay is good and the work isn’t too hard. It’s a pretty good deal overall.
John: I can understand that. A lot of my friends in the city went into the field. I thought about it for a while, but I found numbers weren’t my thing. I like business, but I wanted to throw some creativity into it, so I ended up going into marketing.
Notice how John is making statements after every answer instead of firing a question straight back. In these statements he demonstrates some kind of value, whether it’s humor, confidence, passion, status etc. and then asks another question to allow Sarah to open up further.