How To Start Expanding Your Social Circle Right Now
The most important action for you to take today is to begin. So, if your social circle is small and/or unsatisfying to you, you must make a beginning in changing this. The way you do this is to start where you are. If you have three close friends, organize an outing, throw a dinner party, explore a restaurant – just do something soon. Get it moving. Then, as you commit to leading your social life in a more positive, outgoing way, you will see that others will want to come along.
The results from this are always positive. Let’s say you and your three closest buddies commit to going to a different museum each Sunday, and that you three must bring another person with you. Your friends start to help you (and themselves) in meeting others, and expanding each other’s social circle.
A few years ago, when I made a conscious decision to stop the “pick- up” game and commit to leading a healthy and interesting social life, I realized that others did not share this goal with me. No problem. I became the only one to lead activities, and to invite new people along. The flow of new people was constant. I would meet new people at a job, for example, and tell them that my friends and I were going to a particular restaurant that Saturday. I would then invite them to come along, introducing them to everyone and expanding my social circle.
The beautiful thing about leading your social circle is that you always have something to invite others to do with you. If you go out alone, as was described earlier, and you meet someone interesting – you can always invite them to come with you on your next cool, group outing.
The Value in Being Friends
Since we are now interested in meeting women and improving our social lives, we will hopefully be dating a lot more in the near future. Sometimes though, the women we date will not evolve into romantic relationships. What we usually do is throw out the number and move on to the “next one”. This is sometimes a good rule, but every so often, I will date a woman that I really enjoy, but we don’t share that special, romantic, chemistry. In these scenarios, I always advise guys to focus on establishing a friendship instead. As we meet new people, it is very common that we run across women that we want to have as friends. The reasons for this vary. Sometimes a woman is only open to a friendship with a man, as she is too busy with her work or other areas of her life. Perhaps she just broke up with a guy, and simply is unwilling to open her heart to someone new. In my experience, some of the best relationships I have had, and observed, started with a friendship.
For some of you, this may cause indigestion. You are probably thinking, “Hey, i am reading this to help me stop being friends with all of these women – and now you are suggesting I purposely make friends with them?? I am confused.” The point is, in the realm of social interaction, sometimes there is simply not enough “skill” or “strategy” that will get you the girl! Sometimes, it is not meant to be or the chemistry simply lacks that mysterious “spark”. Finding meaningful relationships with women is not akin to hunting deer in the forest. You may have to accept the gray area of friendship at times. As you improve your abilities to display your personality with women (who, might I remind you, before you were completely unable to even talk to!), you will find that some of these interactions never make it to the “romance” stage. Why not take the positive, healthy route, and accept a friendship with her, adding a new, healthy and positive component to your life!
Most guys have problems communicating with women, so having some female friends in their life is a great idea. Also, you now become part of her social network. She certainly has friends that are similar to her in many ways, which might indeed turn into romance prospect for you in the future. Ultimately, having more and more women in your world is a good thing. What I try to urge guys NOT to do is to instantly exclude those that we do not “get”. The outcome for that action is certain – a smaller, less interesting life. Our goal is to expand it. There are plenty more fish in the sea guys.
Exercise To Help You Expand Your Social Circle
Right now I want you to think of three ways to expand your social life.
First, think of something you could do today that would immediately expand your social life. Perhaps it means calling a friend you have fallen out of touch with, and making plans to see them. Or, maybe it means going online and learning more about your neighborhood or city. This will enable you to be clued-in to local events, and be more active out in the world. Perhaps you are one of those guys who are currently thinking, “I can’t think of anything man. Oh well, I guess I am off the hook for this one!” This is a classic example of being unwilling to step outside of your comfort zone and try something new. These are the guys who won’t change until they are willing to. Unfortunately, willingness is not sold in books…Go ahead and write this down now.
Second, I want you to think of something you can do THIS WEEK that will expand your social life. This might be in the form of signing up for dance classes, or planning to attend a lecture in your neighborhood. If you can invite a friend to join you in this, EVEN BETTER. If not, use the guidelines above about going out alone, and fly solo. Find something here that you are interested in, and that works for your schedule. This activity is BOUND to put you in the same room with some interesting people, and probably some attractive women. Write down this activity or event now.
Last, I want you to commit to organizing (leading) one event in the next MONTH that will naturally expand your social circle. The classic one I tell guys to do is to throw a dinner party, and tell all the guests to invite someone that no one else knows. You could also start a group that explores different areas of your city. Call it some crazy name, and tell your friends that each time you meet, you have to bring someone new along. See where I am going with this? You want to continually think of ways to EXPAND your social circle. The basic idea is to do something you want to do, then invite your current social circle to come along. Then, as a rule for attending, tell them they have to invite someone else! Be honest with people, and tell them that you are consciously growing your social circle. If you invite your female friends (which I certainly encourage you to do!), tell them you are dating, and want to meet single women. Seriously,
if they are your friend, they will want you to meet someone. It never hurts to be honest.
Go ahead now and write down the event you will be leading in the next month. Remember, this is a contract between you and you – if you don’t follow through, you are only letting yourself down.
Nice work. You now have three actions to take that will instantly increase the vitality of your social circle.
Let me conclude by emphasizing the importance of building your social circle. It is by far the best thing that you can do to meet more women who have a lot in common with you. Look around you and notice the couples holding hands strolling through your city’s streets. The chances that they met via social circle are VERY high. It is rare that couples come together from a cold-approach. The women you meet via your community are the ones most likely to evolve into a relationship.