Henry Kissinger was reported to have once said that, “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac.”

And based on everything we’ve seen over the years in the dating arena, he was right.

Females of most species are highly attracted to the most successful males of that species. That usually means those males who are the biggest, the strongest, and the most powerful.

Among human males however, success doesn’t correlate solely with physical size or physical strength (especially in more recent times). Browse through a list of the wealthiest men in the world, for example, and you’ll spot some rather slightof- build individuals amongst those success stories. Some will be small, some will be physically weak, and some will be elderly and perhaps even frail.

But all will be powerful, because they’re wealthy.

Collectively, human females are attracted to:

Physical strength and size (as polls showing that women prefer taller men will attest)

Men who are successful (as in “large accumulators of wealth”)

And also men who are not yet successful but who show the potential to someday become successful (more on this in a moment)

One way that women judge whether you’re successful (i.e. an Alpha Male) is whether you have “the trappings of power” (e.g. a big home, expensive car, nice clothes, etc.).

But in modern Western countries where credit cards are ubiquitous, it’s not hard for even marginal men to put up a front. Flashy “nobodies” are everywhere.

And so a woman who’s trying to assess how successful a man is (or has the potential to become) will often rely heavily on how that man behaves.

perceptions photo

If he behaves the way successful men behave, he’ll be deemed to be the genuine article.

If he behaves the way that lesser men behave, he’ll be deemed to be a lesser man.

And if he behaves the way that a wuss would behave, he’ll be deemed to be a wuss.

In other words, if you act like an Alpha Male, you’re assumed to be an Alpha Male. And if you act like a loser, you’re assumed to be a loser.

But because we’re all (more or less) socialized men, we don’t vary all that much. We all put our pants on one leg at a time, we all pee standing up, we all eat three square meals a day, and so on.

And so it’s the little things that come to set us apart. And one of the most common clues that people use to infer the power of others (if we don’t already know them well) is the way they speak.

Certain speech patterns are common among those of low status and low power but unusual among those of high rank and great success.

The reverse is also true.

Therefore, those speech patterns serve as markers. This means that you can elicit higher ratings from women by:

Adopting those speech patterns commonly used by successful men, and

Eliminating speech patterns more typical of low ranking males.

Let’s work our way through these patterns right now.

Why Not To Be A “Sensitive Guy”

Alpha Males rarely go on and on about their feelings — they tend to be much more results-oriented.

But men who do poorly with women (and who therefore are by definition not alpha) will try anything in their desperation for finally getting a date with a woman — any woman.

So when they hear women explaining that they’re “looking for a sensitive guy” who isn’t afraid to get in touch with “his feminine side,” non-alpha men don’t realize that this won’t impress women.

Therefore they’ll confide in women their own insecurities and self doubts, only to find that the women who see this “sensitive side” will beat a hasty retreat soon thereafter. Women may want men to show their sensitive sides, but only so that those men can be weeded out in favor of men with stronger character.

how to speak

In a parallel way, the police would very much like criminals to just come down to the station and confess (after all, it would make the policeman’s job so much easier). But if you were the miscreant, it would still be a disastrous strategy for you.

So don’t “turn yourself in.” Don’t be weak when she wants you to be strong.

The Power Of “No”

Here’s a second difference between Alpha Males and Non-Alpha Males: Most Non-Alpha Males have a much harder time saying the word “No” to women.

A Non-Alpha Male doesn’t get that many dates and so he doesn’t want to take any chance of upsetting the occasional woman who does agree to go out with him. And so he lets her have her way on everything.

By contrast, an Alpha Male has lots of dating options and therefore doesn’t have to put up with any guff from a particular woman (after all, she can be easily replaced). And so he doesn’t hesitate to decline her unreasonable requests or demands.

The easiest way to improve your own alpha credentials is to tell women “No” every once in a while. It’s the single most powerful word in the English language.

speech quote

Even in the corporate world, that’s what distinguishes executives from low-level employees. The executives are the ones who get to decide “yes” or “no.”

But because it’s such a powerful word, don’t use it all the time. Just now and then. If you say “No” to every request, you’ll just come across as seemingly afraid to try anything new (which is a non-alpha trait, by the way).

So just don’t overdo it. Use “No” as a condiment, not as an entrée.