“One Last Thing To Say” (Breakup Mistake)
“I just need to make sense of it all” and “I just have one more thing to say to you before I go.”
“For three years my ex-boyfriend said he loved me and I was the only person for him. I was fearful about getting involved and being hurt, but he swept me off my feet. He talked about marriage and children, and we even looked at a few places to have a wedding. When I was completely committed, he suddenly reversed course and broke off the relationship. The things he said go round and round in my head and I keep trying to talk to him to make sense of what he said and then what he did.” [ Read: Best Tips And Techniques To Attract Women ]
“My girlfriend was a very sensible person who loved me and said I was the best thing that ever happened to her. About six months ago she started acting strangely. She started to stay out late and party with unruly people. She dropped out of college and started working in a seedy place. She then broke up with me. I have spent the past few months trying to understand what is wrong with her and why she took this sudden turn. She won’t answer my calls and I need to understand what happened.” [ Read: How to Survive A Breakup ]
“My husband of twenty-five years just moved out one day after he met someone else. I’m devastated and want him to explain how he could throw our lives away like that.”
“My wife went on a business trip and hooked up with this coworker she always said she couldn’t stand. I had to move out of the house and it kills me to not see my kids every day. I don’t get how she could say she was so happy in our marriage and then just divorce me for someone she claimed to have despised. I ask her to explain this to me all the time and she won’t. I believe she owes me an explanation.”
“I broke up with my boyfriend and he took it very hard. He keeps calling me and telling me all these things that I did wrong in the relationship. No matter how much I defend myself, he won’t listen to the truth. He accuses me of trying to hurt him and cheating on him. I never did any such thing. He has exaggerated everything that ever happened between us. I don’t know how to make him believe that I did not do all these things. He keeps saying he will stop calling and then he calls and says, ‘I have one more thing I have to say. ’ I keep defending myself but I’m tired of it. He thinks of me as such a bad person and I want to make him see that I’m not, I just needed to get out of the relationship.” You should also read how to get past a breakup.
“My girlfriend broke up with me and yet keeps calling and writing to tell me all the things that are wrong with me. I’m hurt enough by the breakup and I just want her to leave me alone, but she says I owe it to her to hear her out. I listen to her and don’t respond, but later I think about all the things she said and how wrong she is about me and I call her to set the record straight.”
It may be tempting to question your ex so that you can understand what went wrong when. You may not know how you started drifting apart or why that last silly argument led to “It’s over.” You may be convinced you did nothing wrong and you are meant to be together. This all seems unnecessary, and thinking back on the relationship just makes you more perplexed. You were told you were the best thing ever. You were so loved. You both agreed you were perfect together. Then it was over. Your head reels with incomprehension. How could this be? How could this person say “I love you” one day and “I don’t want to be with you anymore” the next? What’s really going on? Is it something different from what he or she is saying? How is this breakup a good thing?
You may think that if you can just talk some sense into your ex, then everything will be fine. You may have heard illogical or unreasonable explanations that left you stunned and speechless at the time, but now they go round and round in your head and you can think of a thousand rebuttals to them all. As you ruminate on the things your ex said, you come up with all the reasons your ex is wrong, and then you start to imagine how having a chance to talk things out will resolve all the misunderstandings. It becomes your impassioned belief that you can have a conversation and turn this wrongheadedness around. Another Interesting post is here.
If your ex dumped you and you think it was the wrong thing to do, he or she needs to figure that out. You can’t be the one to “fix” your ex’s thinking. The bottom line is that if your ex sees things in a cockeyed way now, he or she is going to continue to see things the same way whenever you’re not around to correct this twisted perspective. It takes hard work and constant vigilance to keep someone “thinking correctly,” and you don’t want that kind of responsibility or control. The fact is, you need to accept that you have been with someone whose approach to life is simply incompatible with yours. Perhaps it was always evident that you thought in different ways, saw the world differently, and operated on irreconcilable levels, but you chose to ignore it or worked hard to correct it. You can’t ignore the dissimilar viewpoints any longer. Accept the fact that you think differently and let it go so you can find someone whose way of thinking is compatible with yours. [ Read How To Re-enter Dating Arena After A Breakup ]
Sometimes, instead of trying to talk, people continue to contact each other to continue the angry arguments that led to the breakup in the first place. While it may be tempting to scream your head off at someone who has hurt you, again, it’s best to avoid it. If your ex decides to tell you everything that is wrong with you (which often happens on a continuing basis), shut it down. You do not need to hear, continually, what is wrong with you or to explain to anyone what is not wrong with you. Similarly, you don’t need to say every “one last thing” that you would like to say. Instead, if you have a million thoughts going through your head, you can try writing down everything you would ever want to say in a letter that you never send.
It hurts when someone who once loved you insists on revisiting the relationship and discussing who did what to whom. Often these conversations will center around your faults or assign attributes to you that are not true. It’s easy to get defensive and sucked into arguments. Don’t. The better way to handle it is to let your ex think whatever your ex wants to think. If you are being blamed for everything that went wrong, cultivate an attitude of, “Who cares?” Even if you do care and these barbs hurt, keep telling yourself that what your ex or your ex’s family or friends think of you is none of your business. Use this as a mantra that you say over and over again. [ Read: How to Close Doors On A Past Relationship ]
It’s important that you stop your side of the argument as well. Don’t ask for justifications for present or past behavior, or say how much you’ve been hurt. Yes, there are things you want this person to think about, but it’s not healthy for you to expend energy trying to convince someone who refuses to be convinced. Save yourself the trouble. Everyone will be happier in the end. If you let go of this person and your need to control or condemn, you will be free to find someone whose thinking is compatible with yours. As long as you hold on to this “wrongheaded” person, you will not find the person who is “rightheaded” enough for you. Let it go and save your energy for building your new life.
I hope you loved reading this post and learned a lot from this article. Next i suggest you read signs that a relationship is about to end.
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