This is an important article where you will be provided with actual ways of getting out of the “friend zone” and into an actual, committed relationship. You need to be realistic in understanding that this process of transformation is not always quick or easy but it can be done. If the female friend is really that special to you, then now is the time to be patient while pushing ahead.

If you are sincere about changing your current friendship status to one of being with the woman you love, then you have to accept the fact that some lifestyle changes will need to occur on your end. Just remember, having the honor of being in a tight friendship with a woman you care about is a great position to be in. However, it is also important to understand that if you want more, then you need to position yourself in a way so she sees you as more than “just friends” and more like potential boyfriend material.

The level of intimacy that a man and woman feel in a male/female friendship is very unique. Additionally, even if you have a close female friend, you can be sure that she still has some type of guard up, no matter how close you are. If you two are only friends, even close friends, then there is something holding her back. Sure, a woman will enjoy the diversity and variety she gets from having a male friendship but now it is important to focus on what things can be done to get her to change her mind.

friendship hero

We want to address the most effective ways of getting out of your current situation of the “friend zone” so you get the girl. Sometimes, men have a fear of change, concerned that by trying to move from friendship to a relationship, they could lose not only the friendship, but also the intimate connection. True, this could happen but if the woman is as wonderful as you know her to be, then you have to trust that making changes with your inner self and lifestyle is your best bet for making a connection happen.

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As you start making changes for positioning yourself in a better light during the time of your friendship, you can be certain that she will notice and start to pay more attention to your transformation. At first, she may simply be intrigued and curious by your changes but as you continue to transform and improve, she will begin to see you different from just a friend.

Doormat No More

In most “friend zone” cases, the man goes out of his way to do anything possible to make his female friend happy. Even if not intended, this can come across to the woman as him being somewhat of a weak person, a doormat per se. Therefore, the first change you need to make is stop running to her every beckon call. Rather than rush to her aid or always being there at the drop of a hat, slow down and stop making yourself so available.

A great example is if your friend calls, wait a day or two before you contact her. Without doubt, she is going to take immediate notice. Keep in mind that you do not want to ignore her completely or for a long period of time, which will only make her mad. Instead, you want to make yourself scarcer, which in turn will help her see the potential of losing you, thus drawing her back in and this time, even closer.

Turning the Tables

Turn the tables on your female friend but in a nice way. For instance, explain to her that after much thought, you have decided that the two of you will only be friends and nothing more. Even if she knows you are more interested than that, this type of statement gives her some food for thought.

You can even go as far as talking about your dates or other woman you might be interested in. If there is a woman at work or school that you find interesting or attractive, ask your female friend for advice. Although she might not show jealousy, you can be 100% sure this is getting under her skin.


As a friend, the woman is going to like having you around because you are predictable. She knows you can be counted on whenever she needs you, which is one of the attractions within the friendship. To move beyond the “friend zone”, you need to shake things up a bit by being unpredictable. By becoming somewhat of a challenge and keeping her guessing, things will slowly start to change.

Although she is not trying to control or use you, she sees the friendship as solid, knowing no matter what, you will always be there for her. However, letting her realize that you will not come at every beckon call, that you have a life outside of hers, and that you do not need her as much as she things, she will begin to react differently.

Frame Reversibility

After staying away for a few days or weeks, the key to being successful in getting her attention and more than just as friends, you need to change the way in which you interact, at least initially. Okay, we need to be real here in that if you have a close female friend, there is a high probability that you have encouraged some type of sexual relationship, you know, “friends with benefits”.

Now, when you connect with your female friend after a short hiatus you need to eliminate any thought or talk of sex or intimacy. While this might be a challenge, remember since this has been a part of your normal MO, you know she will wonder why you have had a change of heart. Using this transformation method will improve your chance of her wanting you, just as you have wanted her.

In addition, instead of gushing about how much you missed seeing or talking to her, make a comment such as “I decided to take a break because I was being way too needy and besides, you can do better than me.” When making such comments, it is important to give her a gentle hug and be nice, almost as if teasing but keeping her guessing.

You no longer want to be her dating therapist, stop laughing at her unfunny jokes just to be nice, start teasing her about her dating disasters, and overall, toughen up. You are going to find it challenging to change your behavior but this is an important part of making the move out of the “friend zone” and into her arms.

Flirting Techniques

After you reconnect, it is important to use the right type of flirting techniques. When done right, you can begin to change the friendship into a flirting friendship, which then helps to open doors to a committed relationship. The process of getting flirty will show your female friend that you want to move from being a friend to being a suitor, someone who is seriously interested.

At first, the flirtation should be innocent enough, a gentle squeeze of the arm, a hug, bumping into her, and so on. However, as the flirting continues and even escalates, you have a much better chance of moving out of the “friend zone”.

The following are some of the flirting techniques you can use for getting her attention.

• Nudge her, pinch her arm, and lean into her body, staying near for 20 to 30 seconds instead of pulling away quickly

• Sit close to her any chance you get, at the theater, at home watching a movie, or in a restaurant

• When sitting close, if she starts to get sleepy, offer your lap as a pillow or allow her to rest her head on your shoulder

• As the two of you walk around and chat, place your arms over her shoulders but only for about 20 seconds. You can do this every chance you get, slowly over time letting your arm stay around her longer but keeping it natural.

• You can also take her hand while walking, again as a friendly gesture

• If the two of you have spent an evening out together and you take her home, give her a soft but short kiss goodnight

Always remind yourself that any lifestyle transformation takes time. You do not want to go into overload mode but give each of the techniques space so you are not doing things one on top of another. The process of moving from friendship to a relationship will not happen overnight. Remind yourself that this process is slow but designed to build something great with this special lady, well worth the investment of time and effort.

Another important dynamic of the flirting process is not to discuss dating her. Even though this might be hard and you think you are receiving some positive signs from her, reign yourself in. Instead, let her know that you want to spend time with her, seeing a ballgame, a play, movie, or doing something outdoors but not “dating.”

The minute the word “date” comes into play she will likely start to draw back. However, if she thinks the two of you will be spending time together as close friends, she will be open and be more willing to do a lot of things with you.

The thing is, as these changes are made, you start to become less and less of “just a friend” and considered on a more intimate level. Changing from friendship to relationship is tough but if you push too hard, you will likely cause her to feel strange about what the two of you share, which is not what you hope to accomplish. Although making changes and spending a little time apart is not going to change everything, it will certainly help.

As you go through the transformation, you will be giving her mixed signals while establishing your new role in her life. All of this will help you reach the point where you can begin to open up and share with her what you want in the form of a relationship but it takes time. Eventually, you will become more attractive to your female friend, which then increases your chances of landing her as your girl.

Unfortunately, there will be times when things simply do not work out and in some instances, you could lose the friendship altogether. However, if you care enough, then you are ready and willing to take that chance and when done right, you could very well succeed at turning the friendship into a boyfriend/girlfriend connection.