The easiest way to build likeness is through school or work connections. Even if you and the girl don’t share the same occupation, or attend the same school, you can still build likeness by knowing what the experience was like. Any city that you’re in has some local college, has some school that most people go to. If you go out and you ask people in your pickups what school they went to, you’ll find most people went to a specific school. If you know that, you can now figure out how you can build likeness.

For example, kids at UCLA party on a street named Gayley, kids at USC party at a place called Frat Row. Knowing those little distinctions allows you to talk about what the experience was like and build likeness and show her that you understand her school or work world.

Likeness is all about showing them that you and her are in the same world, that you not only understand her world, but you are a part of it; because when you show the girl that you’re a part of the same social circle, the same school, the same work, you like the same places— you warm the cold approach. No longer are you just some random guy, you’re a guy who went to the same school as her, who worked in the same job as her.


This one, there is no excuse for not being able to build likeness with. You have to eat and you like to do stuff.

So again, we are trying to show the girl that we are in the same world. So every city has things like this. Again, you’re just being lazy if you’re like, “Oh, I live in Des Moines, Iowa.” Know where in your city that has the best hamburger. Where is the best hamburger in Des Moines, Iowa? Where is the best grilled cheese? Maybe you don’t have the best sushi, but where is the best place to watch a concert? Where is the best karaoke bar, where is the best dive bar? Where is the best rooftop patio? Where is the best cheap food? Where is the cheapest beer? Where is the cheapest Happy Hour?

By knowing where these things are and having an idea about this kind of stuff, food and entertainment-wise, you build likeness. If I say to a girl, “Yes, the best hamburger in L.A. is at 18-Degrees at the Roosevelt”, and the girl says, “Oh, my God, I totally agree”, I’ve built instant likeness. If I say, “The best grilled cheese is at this grilled cheese truck downtown.” and the girl goes, “Oh, my God, I’ve heard about that”—I’ve built likeness. Or, “I love grilled cheese”—I’ve built likeness.

That’s the key with food and entertainment. You have to be able to demonstrate your taste because everyone has different tastes, and if you can demonstrate that you have similar taste to the girl, even if it’s food or sushi, or
bars to go to, you’re building likeness. You and her like to do the same things, plus it’s a built-in excuse to ask her out later by talking about something early on in the interaction. So everyone should be building likeness with food and entertainment.


Every city has people everyone knows. Like I said, it might be a club promoter, it might be a guy who does cheesy TV commercials, it might be a specific yoga teacher, it might be a chef who has a restaurant that everyone knows. Make it your job to know these people, if even in a peripheral role. Make it your job to know the people who are well known around your town.

Even if you have to spend money to meet them, if there is a chef that everyone in your city is raving about—go to the restaurant and then ask to talk to the chef and try to make some sort of connection. Then don’t be afraid to namedrop, that’s the better thing. If you know people that know a lot of people, if you have a good social circle, especially in the club scene, if you know deejays, promoters, bartenders, cocktail waitresses, managers, general managers, owners— don’t be afraid to namedrop, don’t be afraid to mention the people you know because, ironically, the often maligned pick up attempts that make it where they go, “Oh, you went to college, do you know?” Or, “Oh, you’re from L.A.? Do you know Casey Jones?” Or, “Oh, you lived in New York? Do you know Danita Kelly?”, or whatever—you’re onto something there.

If you know people in common, even if they’re weak ties, even if you’re not best friends with these people, you’re building likeness. Even if they know who someone is, if you know them, you’re building likeness. You’re actually building value too, not only do you know the same person, but you are better friends with them than they are.

So don’t be afraid to namedrop, and make sure that you know the notable people in your town. They don’t have to be in the club scene, people often think that this is like a club scene thing. It could be your mayor, it could your local politician, it could be the person who runs the recycle charity. Whatever your
group is, whatever your city is, there are people that everybody knows, and the more you know them, and the more you namedrop them, the better you’re going to do with building likeness.


One of the best ways to build likeness is through offering to help introduce the girl to someone who can help her. This is an amazing tactic for building likeness because you are showing that not only do you have some knowledge of something she’s trying to do, but you also know people related, so you’re in the same worlds.

One thing I always try to do when I’m meeting anyone, male or female, is to think about: who do I know that they should know also. I got this from networking books, and it really is the best way to build likeness personally, and professionally. If you’re looking to network, that is the number one question for
networking: “Who do I know that I can introduce these people to?”, because connecting people shows likeness.

If I’m talking to a girl and she’s going to fashion school, I might introduce her
to my friend Kelly who is a fashion designer, or my friend Joanna who is a fashion designer for Seven Jeans. If I’m talking to a girl who wants to be a model, I might introduce them to my friend Haley who works for L.A. Models, or
I might introduce her to my friend who does the booking for Alee on the East Coast.

Give email addresses, write emails to connect them— offer to connect. Offering to connect builds likeness. It shows that not only are you paying attention to her world, but you are involved in her world, you both have things in common and you know people who could be helpful to her. This is probably my favorite way to build likeness because it’s just something that allows you to really demonstrate a lot of similarities, especially professionally, and especially with the people you hang out with— very quickly.