Understanding Attraction Switches To Attract Women
Although the way a man looks isn’t as important in determining attraction for a woman as the way a woman looks to a man, it certainly isn’t going to hurt your chances to make yourself look as good as possible.
We can control our appearance a lot more than most people think. It’s not just about your bone structure or your body shape: your style, your body language and the way you speak all affect how attractive a woman perceives you as. If you act like a confident, strong, attractive man, you’ll find women start to refer to you as handsome a lot more often.
Being out in the daytime is not an excuse to dress sloppily. You have no idea when a beautiful woman might walk by you – it might happen when you pop out of the house for a few minutes to buy groceries. So be ready and make sure you look decent whenever you leave the house.
Having good style means conveying a particular identity. Are you trying to convey to others that you are an entrepreneur, a creative type, or a college student for example? Have in mind the image you’d like to present to women and get clothes and accessories to represent that as well as possible.
Try to include a few items in every outfit that are unusual, for example a white pair of shoes or a stylish hat. These sort of things normally attract attention from women and can give them good excuses to compliment you.
You should make an effort to improve your body language as much as possible. Most guys slouch too much, look down at the ground when they’re walking and talk too fast (especially if they’re nervous). Try to exhibit body language that reflects confidence and being comfortable with yourself. The most important things are to stand and walk with your shoulders held back, your chest out, and your chin up; to walk slowly with your eyes focused straight ahead (not looking at the ground and not looking around too much); and to sit with your back straight and your legs comfortable.
When you speak, articulate what you want to say clearly and at a reasonable pace. It’s tempting if you’re nervous to speed up or to add lot of unnecessary words. Try to avoid doing this. Don’t be afraid to pause when you are stressing a point or waiting for input from the other person.
Developing strong body language and speech consistently can take time. The easiest way to do it is to implement all the right body language and speech controls consciously for a period of a few weeks or a month. Eventually you will start to exhibit them unconsciously and be able to correct yourself when you slip up.
Daytime approaching is a great way to demonstrate your confidence to women. Most guys with a few drinks inside them can muster the courage to approach a woman in a nightclub, but very few men who haven’t read this article are able to do so in the glaring light of day.
A confident man is one who is willing to take risks for what he wants, is willing to lead and not just follow others, and is assertive when he needs to be. Women correlate confidence with success in life (for good reason), so become attracted to confident men.
Your appearance is going to give a woman an initial estimate of your confidence, but you should also try to get into conversation topics that further demonstrate you are a confident guy. For example, have you just moved to a new city? Do you do any particularly challenging activities in your spare time that indicate confidence, such as skydiving or mountain climbing? Are you starting your own business? These are good things to talk about because they show you’re an inherently confident person.
Another important way to show confidence is simply to lead the interaction. If you progress things emotionally, physically and logistically without waiting for suggestions from her to do so, it’ll show her that you’re confident in yourself. So be the one to lead the conversation, be the one to ask her out and be the one to ask her to come back to your place. Don’t wait for her to suggest or take charge of these things.
In the daytime, making a woman you just met laugh instantly relaxes the interaction and transforms it from “two strangers having a potentially awkward conversation” to “two people who just met having fun.” It is not absolutely fundamental that this happens within the first few minutes, but it can help a lot.
Be light-hearted, don’t take yourself or the situation too seriously, and don’t be afraid to have fun with her. As said earlier, you shouldn’t engage in heavy disqualification, but a little teasing is fine.
If the situation is awkward (for example, her mother turns up after you have approached her), a good sense of humor about the situation can help to diffuse it: “Oh my god, I had no idea I’d be meeting your mother so soon!”
Humor can also be useful if you are trying to progress the interaction and she is hesitant. For example, if she is reluctant to give you her phone number, you can tease her with:
Really? How I am I going to call you twenty times a day then? Damn it. I was planning to go home, sit by my phone and spend four hours composing the perfect text message. Now that plan is out of the window, I really don’t know what I am going to do with the rest of my afternoon.
4. Social Intelligence
Social intelligence means having an understanding of social situations and how to deal with them appropriately. Generally speaking the more socially intelligent someone is, the more friends they will have and the more they will be able to get along with strangers and new people. Women know that men with social intelligence tend to be more successful in life.
Part of social intelligence is knowing that you are going to treat her respectfully and treat her well, and part of it is knowing that you will be able to function well in her world. For example, if you demonstrate a lack of social intelligence by ignoring her friends, she will naturally expect that you would make a bad impression on her family if she was ever to introduce you to them. The little things you do early on in an interaction can thus be indicators of how you will be in a relationship with her.
Look for cues in the situation to adjust how and when you talk to her. For example, if she’s busy, show that you understand that by keeping your conversation brief, explaining that she intrigues you and you’d like to talk more another time.
If she’s with friends, make sure to pay some attention to them and involve them in the conversation. If you have a friend or wingman (a friend who is there to meet women with you), you can get him to talk to the friend of the woman you’re interested in.
If she’s at work and you’d like to approach her, make sure that she isn’t busy with customers and that her manager isn’t hovering around keeping an eye on her.
“Cold reading”, the practice of making inferences about someone based on subtle cues from them, is another great way of showing social intelligence. A lot of cold reading is about truisms, but you can also do more inspired “warm reads” when you have gotten to know a lot of people and can infer character traits more accurately.
For example, if a woman looks shy, you could say, “You know, you seem like the kind of person who can be really shy sometimes, but I bet when there is something you really want, you are willing to take risks for it.” Or if a woman looks very stylishly dressed, you could say, “You seem like the kind of person who takes pride in her appearance. I like that. First impressions are so important.”
You can also use cold reading to transition across conversation topics, for example, “You carry yourself really well. I’m guessing that you’re a dancer or you’ve done some dancing in the past?” or “You look like you’re a student. Do you study at UCLA?”
Passion is one of the most underrated sources of attraction for women. Women love a man who is passionate about things in his life. It could be his work, his hobbies, his family, friends or something else.
They like to see drive in men and they like to see evidence of that drive. It’s not enough to just be interested in something; you should show that you are acting on that interest. For example, if you say you’re passionate about music, do you go to a lot of concerts or play an instrument yourself? If you’re passionate about your job, are you putting in extra hours at the office and doing a bit of work on the weekends?
Let women know subtly that you are acting on your passions through the topics of conversation you bring up, the emotion you express about them, and the concrete actions you are taking in that area.
Ideally, you want to see if you can find a few common passions between you and the woman you approach. The more she’s interested in whatever it is you’re passionate about, the greater the attraction building effect will be. You can often relate distinct passions by themes. For example, if she’s into yoga, you can relate that to sports or martial arts, which you may be interested in.
Pre-selection is when you are favored by other women already. A beautiful woman has so many men chasing her that it can be frustrating to give all of them enough attention to filter the attractive ones from the time wasters. Going on the recommendations of other women who have a similar or higher level of social value to them, whether those recommendations come explicitly or implicitly, can be a useful shortcut.
A woman will infer a certain amount of pre-selection from how you carry yourself (for example, a good level of confidence suggests that you have at least some experience with women). She’ll also listen to how you talk about your life and the things you do. Do you have female friends that you hang out with? Do you have friends that come over to cook for you sometimes (if a “friend” is coming over to cook for you, she’ll likely infer that that friend is female)?
Pre-selection doesn’t have to mean that you are sleeping with lots of women, just that other women find you attractive. Don’t try too hard to show her that you’ve been with a lot of women or that you have lots of female friends interested in you. Too much preselection can backfire (though you can often balance it out if you build stronger Qualification), so be careful.
Having high status means having authority and power, which women like both for evolutionary reasons (men with these attributes tend to have better genes) and for social reasons (it can lead to a more interesting dating experience for women).
Status is relative depending on context. For example, a university professor has high status in his classroom, but on the football field the quarterback has more status than him. You can also indirectly get status benefits by being around or associated with people of high status, which is why men in the entourage of famous people often get a lot of attention from women.
Having a strong social circle with people around you that respect you is a good sign of status. Knowing a lot of people in other social circles can be useful too. A lot of times, when I can’t think of a better way to relate to something a woman says, I will end up saying, “I have a few friends that do that.”
If you have any positions of real power (for example, you are a public speaker or you are captain of a sports team), leverage them by subtly drawing the conversation towards topics where your positions might come up.
Wealth is attractive to women for similar evolutionary and social reasons that status is. Most women want a man that has some degree of financial comfort, typically one equal to or greater than hers.
If you have a lot of wealth, be careful how you display it. Be subtle and only let on to your wealth slowly. It’s also better for her to see it rather than for you to tell her about it; for example, her coming back to your place and seeing that it’s clearly an expensive place is better than telling her, “I have a luxury condo in Beverly Hills.”
If you don’t have much money, it’s not a big deal. Just make sure you don’t look like you’re struggling. Don’t bring up any financial worries and don’t make an issue of expenses. Also, demonstrate some ambition and potential to have greater wealth later in life. Men who are on their way up in the world are very attractive to women.