I have a concept, and it goes like this . . . There’s a build-up of attraction that happens when a man and a woman meet. You could say that the more attraction happens, the more attraction it creates. This process happens very differently for men than it does for women. This is important to understand, so pay attention.

For men, attraction can happen instantly, and on the flip side, be over just as instantly. For women, it tends to build up over time, and then slips away over time. I call this concept: “ATTRACTION MOMENTUM.”

Men are very visual, and they are instantly attracted to a woman, sometimes, so much so, that they lose all sense of reality and their surroundings. They can act in ways similar to dogs – similar to the wolf pack mentality we disussed earlier in previous posts, they see a ball and start wagging their tails, and become crazed. This is how a lot of men treat women. They look at her as though they’ve never seen a woman before in their lives, like it’s a brand new ball to play with. They can’t stop looking at her; they start wagging their tail, and they start freaking her out. That type of attraction, dominated by the already crazed male, is what will turn women off.

women's attraction

A woman doesn’t want a golden retriever coming over to her, salivating all over her brand-new shoes. She wants a confident man who doesn’t drool. She is also initially attracted to a man’s looks, but beyond that, something else is also happening. She’s also looking for a man’s energy, confidence, the tone of his voice, and the way he listens when they speak, and over time these traits become more important than his looks.

A woman’s attraction to a man is complicated, while a man is overstimulated on the visual side. To attract most men, a woman can seduce him with her eyes and with her sex appeal. To attract a woman, a man needs to intrigue and seduce her mind. She wants a man to open her up and let her connect with him, like she’s never been opened up before.

This is the point where so many men lose the potential connection. They tend to try to “wow” a woman in the same way they would go about trying to impress a fellow man.

Let’s explore this further. A good woman friend once told me, “The more a man speaks, the drier I get. I wish sometimes he would not say a word, so I can remain turned on and attracted to him.” This is the cold, hard truth. Most men have no idea that in order to create attraction, they need to shut up and listen.

Men tend to try to “close” a woman by selling themselves to her. What happens in reality, however, is that the more they sell, the more the attraction to them diminishes. These are the “wing flappers” I described when we talked about “he-talk, she-talk.” A “wing flapper” tries to impress a woman with his life’s accomplishments to seduce her and attract her but the opposite happens.