Approaching is the first stage of Emotional Progression and simply means starting a conversation with a woman. It’s also one of the stages that men tend to find the most intimidating because it naturally involves a chance of rejection.

Have you ever been to a bar early in the evening when it’s quiet and noticed how groups of people don’t really mingle and talk to each other? There are always a few beautiful women sitting around but no one is approaching them. Why? Because no one wants to be the first guy to do it.

If you do pluck up the courage to go have a five minute conversation with a couple of beautiful women, suddenly you open the floodgates and you’ll notice other men approaching them immediately after you. Seeing you do it has given them permission to do it themselves.

These are some of the things that went through my head years ago when I did my first few approaches on women I didn’t know (what we call “cold approaches”):

• She is going to think I’m weird

• She is going to tell me to get lost

• She is out of my league

• Everyone is going to look at me

• I am going to feel silly

Be willing to challenge these assumptions every time you feel them. It’s true that these thoughts and emotions can cause discomfort for a few minutes, but you’ll prefer them to the much longer-lasting feeling of regret you’ll experience for the next few hours, days or weeks if you don’t approach a woman you like.

APPROACHING IN DAYTIME DATING

There are a few important differences to approaching women in the daytime as opposed to doing so at night in a bar or club.

• The women you approach will often be busy or on their way somewhere when you meet them.

You won’t always have a chance to spend lots of time with them  in the first instance, but will typically have to arrange to meet her again at another time (i.e. set up a date).

• Women will more often be alone than they would in a nightclub or bar.

This means you don’t need to think about entertaining a group and impressing all of her friends as much, but can focus on connecting with her individually.

• Women are approached far less often in the daytime than at night.

For this reason, women tend to be a lot more impressed when you approach them in the daytime, and the process of building an interaction can often seem easier than at night.

Now let’s take a look at exactly how to approach a woman you find attractive in the daytime. We’re going to cover the main verbal and non-verbal elements of an approach, and then some more advanced considerations.

VERBAL ELEMENTS OF THE APPROACH

The simplest, easiest, and most powerful way you can approach a woman in the daytime is use what we call a “direct approach,” which means expressing some immediate physical interest in her in order to begin a conversation. It does not mean asking her out immediately, asking for a phone number, or telling her you want to sleep with her, but rather paying her a compliment and expressing in some way that you want to have a conversation with her.

daygame pickup

Historically in the field of seduction, there’s been a lot of discussion on the benefits of direct versus “indirect approaches,” where your physical interest in her is masked and a conversation begins through means of a ruse or gambit. It’s my personal preference to use direct approaches most of the time for daytime dating, and this is what I’ve found to be the most effective for most daytime environments. However, we will also take a look at indirect approaches after this.

The structure of a good direct approach on a woman looks like this:

[Get her attention] + [Social Calibration] + [Compliment]

You have to get her attention so she listens to what you are about to say; the meat of which will be the compliment. The Social Calibration part is about adjusting to whatever situation you’re both in, to make her feel more comfortable and demonstrate some social intelligence.

Some examples are:

Excuse me, I just saw you walking past, and I had to come tell you that you look absolutely beautiful.

Excuse me, I just saw you sitting there, and I wanted to come tell you that you look incredible.

Hi, I saw you from across the room and I thought you looked gorgeous. I wanted to come introduce myself.

You can play with these a little bit, and you should. Putting your own spin on the opening line is important to inject your own personality into it, to show a bit of the real you, and also to ensure that you enjoy the process of talking to women. At the start, however, feel free to use the lines above verbatim until you feel comfortable ad libbing and expressing how you genuinely feel moment to moment for each woman you see.

Social Calibration

The Social Calibration part of your opening line is the “I saw you walking past/sitting there/standing there” (or any other information on what you saw her doing). This element helps to ground what is about to follow in your opening line. If you leave out the Social Calibration, it can appear a bit abrupt to run up to a woman and just exclaim, “You’re gorgeous!”

You can vary the Social Calibration. It doesn’t always have to be about her; it can be about what you’re doing too.

Here are some other examples:

I was just over there with my friends and couldn’t help but notice you…

My friend and I saw you standing there…

I’m late to a meeting, and I probably shouldn’t be stopping, but I just saw you…

Compliment

The compliment should demonstrate an explicit physical interest in her attractiveness. Don’t for example, say things like “you have great shoes” or “I like your scarf” (or at least, don’t say these things alone) otherwise she might misconstrue you to be interested in having a conversation about fashion. You want to communicate in some explicit way that you find her physically attractive first, and then if you want you can comment on more specific things in her style.

often start with something fairly generic, for example “I think you look gorgeous,” but then add on something a little more specific.

For example:

I really like your sense of style.

The way you carry yourself just reeks of self-confidence. I like that.

Something about the way your hair is done caught my eye. It’s striking.

By complimenting something specific about her, you make her feel more special and not just a random woman you approached (in this way, you’ve actually begun a little Qualification). Also, if you’re going to use a specific compliment, focus on something within her control like her style, her hair or her body language (the way she stands, sits or walks for example), rather than characteristics she can’t control, like her eye colour or height.

men and women on bench

NON-VERBAL ELEMENTS OF THE APPROACH

Your style, your body language and your speech are all going to have a big impact on how well your direct approaches work. It’s important to bear the following in mind:

• Look your best. Dress stylishly, fix your hair and be clean. Don’t walk out of the house looking your worst and thinking it doesn’t matter. You might see the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen and then forever regret that you had a mustard stain on your white shirt.

• Carry yourself well. Keep your head up, your shoulders back and your chest pushed forwards. Don’t look at the ground when you’re walking. Don’t slouch when you’re sitting.

• Speak confidently. Take the time to figure out exactly what you’re going to say and then say it clearly and concisely. Talking too softly or talking excessively demonstrates a lack of confidence in what you are saying.

• Slow down and pause. Most guys deliver their approach too fast. Slow down the pace of your opening words: try pausing for a few seconds after you get her attention with the “excuse me” and also after you finish delivering the compliment (and just before you ask her name). In those brief pauses, maintain strong eye contact with her and smile. The pausing element alone will skyrocket the success of your approaches (but honestly, you won’t believe me until you try it to see what I mean). Try a three-second pause (I know it sounds like a long time) in your opening line and see how it changes the dynamic.

Strong body language and confidence in your speech are easier to model from real life than they are to understand from a written article. Have a look at men who are confident and observe how they move, stand, gesticulate and speak. The key people to look at are those with high status; for example, CEOs, celebrities and other men that you see women being very attracted to.